FUNNY POEMS

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Tell Me

Many years ago I was living with depression
And all I wanted was just to be alone
But now I found myself smiling with no reason
Funny that sometimes you're in my imagination
.....
Ma. Cristina Colima

Ma. Cristina Colima
What Is Love

The funny humanity of today breaks hearts
All we want is to be seen in the internet
All she wants is to wear an expensive ring
My heart is pure yet she forgets that
.....
Ibthlhal Abdul

Ibthlhal Abdul
The Dilettante: A Modern Type

He scribbles some in prose and verse,
And now and then he prints it;
He paints a little,-gathers some
Of Nature's gold and mints it.
.....
Paul Laurence Dunbar

Paul Laurence Dunbar
We Are But Different

As the time ticks,
A tale, fantasy or real unfolds.
As we share these sips,
Like our cups, these words pour.
.....
Az Mo

Az Mo
I Am A Killer

My name is depression and I am a killer,
I am everywhere, I am the darkness, the grief, the sadness.
Once I enter your head, it would be hard for you to get me off of your system.

.....
Talya Nana

Talya Nana
The Old Huntsman

I've never ceased to curse the day I signed
A seven years' bargain for the Golden Fleece.
'Twas a bad deal all round; and dear enough
It cost me, what with my daft management,
.....
Siegfried Sassoon

Siegfried Sassoon
Note To Dad

There is a new one called Bob, or is it Rob.
His face is round just like a door knob.
He has a mop of hair that looks like a mob.
Although he is not, he acts like a snob.
.....
Gabriel Mapati

Gabriel Mapati
Reconstruction

So, the bank has bust it's boiler! And in six or seven year
It will pay me all my money back -- of course!
But the horse will perish waiting while the grass is germinating,
And I reckon I'll be something like the horse.
.....

Banjo Paterson
Yourself

Digest this,
Save yourself from yourself,
Become and portray yourself,
But be true to yourself.
.....
Az Mo

Az Mo
Health Is Wealth

Eat a balanced diet
Or else get into a fight
Do it with all your nights
Or else lose your sights
.....
Meenakshi Singh

Meenakshi Singh
Mayakovsky

1
My heart's aflutter!
I am standing in the bath tub
crying. Mother, mother
.....

Frank O'hara
The Shadow Kitten

There's a funny little kitten that tries to look like me,
But though I'm round and fluffy, he's as flat as flat can be;
And when I try to mew to him he never makes a sound,
And when I jump into the air he never leaves the ground.
.....

Oliver Herford
It Is Funny, You Will Be Dead Some Day

it is funny, you will be dead some day.
By you the mouth hair eyes,and i mean
the unique and nervously obscene

.....
E. E. Cummings

E. E. Cummings
Bosnia Tune

As you pour yourself a scotch
Crush a roach or check your watch
As your hands adjust your tie people die

.....

Joseph Brodsky
Eacape

Lost , dejected,
Lonely , I feel,
I have scars waiting ,
To heal.
.....
Arpita Ghosh

Arpita Ghosh
Punishment In Kindergarten

Today the world is a little more my own.
No need to remember the pain
A blue-frocked woman caused, throwing
Words at me like pots and pans, to drain
.....

Kamala Das
Artist

He gave a picture exhibition,
Hiring a little empty shop.
Above its window: FREE ADMISSION
Cajoled the passers-by to stop;
.....
Robert Service

Robert Service
Afternoon Tea

As I was saying . . . (No, thank you; I never take cream with my tea;
Cows weren't allowed in the trenches-got out of the habit, y'see.)
As I was saying, our Colonel leaped up like a youngster of ten:
“Come on, lads!” he shouts, “and we'll show 'em,” and he sprang to the head of the men.
.....
Robert Service

Robert Service
The Grasshopper

Grasshopper
grasshopper
all day long
we hear your scraping
.....

Conrad Potter Aiken
You And I

They say the eagle is a bird
That sees some splendid sights
When he soars high into the sky
Upon his dizzy flights:
.....

Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
At San Sebastian

The Countess sprawled beside the sea
As naked a she well could be;
Indeed her only garments were
A “G” string and a brassière
.....
Robert Service

Robert Service
An Introduction

I don't know politics but I know the names
Of those in power, and can repeat them like
Days of week, or names of months, beginning with Nehru.
I amIndian, very brown, born inMalabar,
.....

Kamala Das
I Like That You Are Crazy Not With Me

I like that you are crazy not with me,
I like that I'm not with you crazy, either,
That ne'er the heavy planet's globe will be
Drifting away under our feet, quite easy.
.....

Marina Ivanovna Tsvetaeva
Her Letter

I'm sitting alone by the fire,
Dressed just as I came from the dance,
In a robe even YOU would admire,-
It cost a cool thousand in France;
.....
Bret Harte

Bret Harte
Dr. Johnson's Picture Cow

Got a sliver in my hand
An' it hurt t' beat the band,
An' got white around it, too;
Then the first thing that I knew
.....
Edgar Albert Guest

Edgar Albert Guest
Dance To It

Well hey Miss Go-Go won't you stop for a minute
Cause the song you dance to it got somethin' in it
There's a lotta things those long funny words can teach ya
Yeah but the words don't reach ya
.....
Shel Silverstein

Shel Silverstein
Blind Spot

I walked out past the door, and I
Was yet to notice it had rain, block eye
Slippery the ground, I fall on to hers affair, romance fair,
Love, started from scratch,
.....
Brian Dredan

Brian Dredan
The Holidays

'AH! don't you remember, 'tis almost December,
And soon will the holidays come;
Oh, 'twill be so funny, I've plenty of money,
I'll buy me a sword and a drum. '
.....

Ann Taylor
Some Days

Some days I put the people in their places at the table,
bend their legs at the knees,
if they come with that feature,
and fix them into the tiny wooden chairs.
.....

Billy Collins
Stars

(For the Rev. James J. Daly, S. J.)


Bright stars, yellow stars, flashing through the air,
.....
Joyce Kilmer

Joyce Kilmer
Winnie

When I went by the meadow gate
The chestnut mare would trot to meet me,
And as her coming I would wait,
She'd whinney high as if to greet me.
.....
Robert Service

Robert Service
A Dream

On ev'ry new birth-day ye see,
A humble poet wishes.
My bardship here, at your Levee
On sic a day as this is,
.....
Robert Burns

Robert Burns
Miss Edith Makes Another Friend

Oh, you're the girl lives on the corner? Come in-if you want to-
come quick!
There's no one but me in the house, and the cook-but she's only a
stick.
.....
Bret Harte

Bret Harte
Old Tom

The harridan who holds the inn
At which I toss a pot,
Is old and uglier than sin,-
I'm glad she knows me not.
.....
Robert Service

Robert Service
Cloony The Clown

I'll tell you the story of Cloony the Clown
Who worked in a circus that came through town.
His shoes were too big and his hat was too small,
But he just wasn't, just wasn't funny at all.
.....
Shel Silverstein

Shel Silverstein
Banjo Dog Variations

Tramps on the road: floating clouds. OLD CHINESE POEM

1

.....

Donald Justice
The Singing-woman From The Wood's Edge

What should I be but a prophet and a liar,
Whose mother was a leprechaun, whose father was a friar?
Teethed on a crucifix and cradled under water,
What should I be but the fiend's god-daughter?
.....
Edna St. Vincent Millay

Edna St. Vincent Millay
It's A Queer Time

It's hard to know if you're alive or dead
When steel and fire go roaring through your head.

One moment you'll be crouching at your gun
.....
Robert Graves

Robert Graves
When A Feller's Itchin' To Be Spanked

W'en us fellers stomp around, makin' lots o' noise,
Gramma says, "There's certain times come to little boys
W'en they need a shingle or the soft side of a plank;"
She says "we're a-itchin' for a right good spank."
.....
Paul Laurence Dunbar

Paul Laurence Dunbar
The Funny Little Fellow

'Twas a Funny Little Fellow
Of the very purest type,
For he had a heart as mellow
As an apple over ripe;
.....

James Whitcomb Riley
A Song Of The Sandbags

No, Bill, I'm not a-spooning out no patriotic tosh
(The cove be'ind the sandbags ain't a death-or-glory cuss).
And though I strafes 'em good and ‘ard I doesn't ‘ate the Boche,
I guess they're mostly decent, just the same as most of us.
.....
Robert Service

Robert Service
The Triantiwontigongolope

There's a very funny insect that you do not often spy,
And it isn't quite a spider, and it isn't quite a fly;
It is something like a beetle, and a little like a bee,
But nothing like a wooly grub that climbs upon a tree.
.....

Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
The Goops

The meanest trick I ever knew
Was one I know you never do.
I saw a Goop once try to do it,
And there was nothing funny to it.
.....

Gelett Burgess
A Ramshackle Room

When the gusts are at play with the trees on the lawn,
And the lights are put out in the vault of the night;
When within all is snug, for the curtains are drawn,
And the fire is aglow and the lamps are alight,
.....
R. C. Lehmann

R. C. Lehmann
The Baldness Of Chewed-ear

When Chewed-ear Jenkins got hitched up to Guinneyveer McGee,
His flowin' locks, ye recollect, wuz frivolous an' free;
But in old Hymen's jack-pot, it's a most amazin' thing,
Them flowin' locks jest disappeared like snow-balls in the Spring;
.....
Robert Service

Robert Service
The Family Fool

Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon,
If you listen to popular rumour;
From morning to night he's so joyous and bright,
And he bubbles with wit and good humour!
.....

William Schwenck Gilbert
The Boy Next Door

There's a boy who lives next door;
And this boy is just as bad
As a boy can be; and poor!
He's so poor it makes me sad
.....
Madison Julius Cawein

Madison Julius Cawein
A Guest

Death, are you well? I trust you have no cough
That's painful or in any way annoying
No kidney trouble that may carry you off,
Or heart disease to keep you from enjoying
.....

Ambrose Bierce
Intellectual Limitations

Parunts knows lots more than us,
But they don't know _all_ things,--
'Cause we ketch 'em, lots o' times,
Even on little small things.
.....

James Whitcomb Riley
Phantasmagoria Canto Iv ( Hys Nouryture )

"OH, when I was a little Ghost,
A merry time had we!
Each seated on his favourite post,
We chumped and chawed the buttered toast
.....
Lewis Carroll

Lewis Carroll