JOKE POEMS

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Address To The Devil

O Prince, O chief of many throned pow'rs!
That led th' embattled seraphim to war!
(Milton, Paradise Lost)

.....
Robert Burns

Robert Burns
The Bitter Side

Life is a coin
With two sharp side
One side like a moon
One side like a blade
.....
Ola Olawale

Ola Olawale
When I Think About Myself

When I think about myself,
I almost laugh myself to death,
My life has been one great big joke,
A dance that's walked
.....
Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou
The Lucky Ones

In the middle
They sit and forget
At their palm
Is every wish
.....
Ola Olawale

Ola Olawale
Hope 93'

How old I was ?
Only my mum has an answer
Hope 93
Farewell to poverty
.....
Ola Olawale

Ola Olawale
The Land Of Happy

Have you been to the land of happy,
Where everyone's happy all day,
Where they joke and they sing
Of the happiest things,
.....
Shel Silverstein

Shel Silverstein
Waring

I

What's become of Waring
Since he gave us all the slip,
.....
Robert Browning

Robert Browning
A Boy Named Sue

Well, my daddy left home when I was three,
and he didn't leave much to Ma and me,
just this old guitar and a bottle of booze.
Now I don't blame him because he run and hid,
.....
Shel Silverstein

Shel Silverstein
The Ballad Of Blasphemous Bill

I took a contract to bury the body of blasphemous Bill MacKie,
Whenever, wherever or whatsoever the manner of death he die-
Whether he die in the light o' day or under the peak-faced moon;
In cabin or dance-hall, camp or dive, mucklucks or patent shoon;
.....
Robert Service

Robert Service
Gone With A Handsomer Man.

JOHN:

I've worked in the field all day, a-plowin' the "stony streak;"
I've scolded my team till I'm hoarse; I've tramped till my legs are weak;
.....

Will Carleton
A Song Of Sixty-five

Brave Thackeray has trolled of days when he was twenty-one,
And bounded up five flights of stairs, a gallant garreteer;
And yet again in mellow vein when youth was gaily run,
Has dipped his nose in Gascon wine, and told of Forty Year.
.....
Robert Service

Robert Service
Quantum Sufficit

'I only said this German plan
Had points,' remarked the small, meek man.
'I merely said an extra wife
Might add variety to life.
.....

Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
The Hunting Of The Snark

Dedication

Inscribed to a dear Child:
in memory of golden summer hours
.....
Lewis Carroll

Lewis Carroll
The Wind In A Frolic

The wind one morning sprang up from sleep,
Saying, “Now for a frolic! now for a leap!
Now for a madcap, galloping chase!
I'll make a commotion in every place!”
.....
William Howitt

William Howitt
The Pied Piper Of Hamelin

A Child's Story

Hamelin Town's in Brunswick,
By famous Hanover city;
.....
Robert Browning

Robert Browning
A Song For Kilts

How grand the human race would be
If every man would wear a kilt,
A flirt of Tartan finery,
Instead of trousers, custom built!
.....
Robert Service

Robert Service
Butterfly Laughter

In the middle of our porridge plates
There was a blue butterfly painted
And each morning we tried who should reach the
butterfly first.
.....

Katherine Mansfield
Avon's Harvest

Fear, like a living fire that only death
Might one day cool, had now in Avonâ??s eyes
Been witness for so long of an invasion
That made of a gay friend whom we had known
.....
Edwin Arlington Robinson

Edwin Arlington Robinson
Cloony The Clown

I'll tell you the story of Cloony the Clown
Who worked in a circus that came through town.
His shoes were too big and his hat was too small,
But he just wasn't, just wasn't funny at all.
.....
Shel Silverstein

Shel Silverstein
The Elder Brother.

Centrick, in London noise, and London follies,
Proud Covent Garden blooms, in smoky glory;
For chairmen, coffee-rooms, piazzas, dollies,
Cabbages, and comedians, fame'd in story!
.....

George Colman
Identification In Belfast

(I.R.A. Bombing)

The British Army now carries two rifles,
one with rubber rabbit-pellets for children,
.....

Robert Lowell
The Pig

In ev'ry age, and each profession,
Men err the most by prepossession;
But when the thing is clearly shown,
And fairly stated, fully known,
.....
Christopher Smart

Christopher Smart
Telegram

I SAW a telegram handed a two hundred pound man at a desk. And the little scrap of paper charged the air like a set of crystals in a chemist's tube to a whispering pinch of salt.
Cross my heart, the two hundred pound man had just cracked a joke about a new hat he got his wife, when the messenger boy slipped in and asked him to sign. He gave the boy a nickel, tore the envelope and read.
Then he yelled 'Good God,' jumped for his hat and raincoat, ran for the elevator and took a taxi to a railroad depot.

.....
Carl Sandburg

Carl Sandburg
An After-dinner Poem

(TERPSICHORE)

Read at the Annual Dinner of the Phi Beta Kappa Society, at
Cambridge, August 24, 1843.
.....

Oliver Wendell Holmes
The Deserted Village

Sweet Auburn! loveliest village of the plain,
Where health and plenty cheered the labouring swain,
Where smiling spring its earliest visits paid,
And parting summer's lingering blooms delayed:
.....
Oliver Goldsmith

Oliver Goldsmith
The Night Before

Look you, Dominie; look you, and listen!
Look in my face, first; search every line there;
Mark every feature,-chin, lip, and forehead!
Look in my eyes, and tell me the lesson
.....
Edwin Arlington Robinson

Edwin Arlington Robinson
Old Tom

The harridan who holds the inn
At which I toss a pot,
Is old and uglier than sin,-
I'm glad she knows me not.
.....
Robert Service

Robert Service
Poems That Do Not Rhyme

I love poems that do not rhyme
But find another way to a good link Somewhere around the middle
Thus its writer can be certain
Of the message through spontaneity
.....
Fatimah Bint Abdil Alim

Fatimah Bint Abdil Alim
Right Here At Home

Right here at home, boys, in old Hoosierdom,
Where strangers allus joke us when they come,
And brag o' _their_ old States and interprize--
Yit _settle_ here; and 'fore they realize,
.....

James Whitcomb Riley
That Nature Is A Heraclitean Fire And Of The Comfort Of The Resurrection

Cloud-puffball, torn tufts, tossed pillows ‘flaunt forth, then chevy on an air-
built thoroughfare: heaven-roysterers, in gay-gangs' they throng; they glitter in marches.
Down roughcast, down dazzling whitewash, ‘wherever an elm arches,
Shivelights and shadowtackle in long' lashes lace, lance, and pair.
.....
Gerard Manley Hopkins

Gerard Manley Hopkins
The Shield Of Achilles

She looked over his shoulder
For vines and olive trees,
Marble well-governed cities
And ships upon untamed seas,
.....
W. H. Auden

W. H. Auden
The Three Voices

The First Voice

He trilled a carol fresh and free,
He laughed aloud for very glee:
.....
Lewis Carroll

Lewis Carroll
The Sightless Man

Out of the night a crash,
A roar, a rampart of light;
A flame that leaped like a lash,
Searing forever my sight;
.....

Robert William Service
The Junk Man

I am glad God saw Death
And gave Death a job taking care of all who are tired
of living:

.....
Carl Sandburg

Carl Sandburg
The Next War

You young friskies who today
Jump and fight in Father's hay
With bows and arrows and wooden spears,
Playing at Royal Welch Fusiliers,
.....
Robert Graves

Robert Graves
The Baldness Of Chewed-ear

When Chewed-ear Jenkins got hitched up to Guinneyveer McGee,
His flowin' locks, ye recollect, wuz frivolous an' free;
But in old Hymen's jack-pot, it's a most amazin' thing,
Them flowin' locks jest disappeared like snow-balls in the Spring;
.....
Robert Service

Robert Service
Window Shopper

I stood before a candy shop
Which with a Christmas radiance shone;
I saw my parents pass and stop
To grin at me and then go on.
.....
Robert Service

Robert Service
Mischief

Let those who're fond of idle tricks,
Of throwing stones, and hurling bricks,
And all that sort of fun,
Now hear a tale of idle Jim,
.....

Jane Taylor
Hitched

An'â??wiltâ??yehâ??takeâ??thisâ??womanâ??ferâ??toâ??be
Yerâ??weddedâ??wife?â?? . . . O, strike me! Will I wot?
Take 'er? Doreen? 'E stan's there arstin' me!
As if 'e thort per'aps I'd rather not!
.....

Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
When Rody Came To Ironbark

When Rody came to Ironbark, there spread a hectic glow
around the little township - a dozen years ago,
and the townsfolk were divided, twixt laughter and dismay
at the roysterin' ways of Rody - the madcap tricks he'd play.
.....

Alice Guerin Crist
Slough

Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow.
Swarm over, Death!
.....
John Betjeman

John Betjeman
How Robin And His Outlaws Lived In The Woods

Robin and his merry men
: Lived just like the birds;
They had almost as many tracks as thoughts,
: And whistles and songs as words.
.....
James Henry Leigh Hunt

James Henry Leigh Hunt
The Story Of Uriah

Jack Barrett went to Quetta
Because they told him to.
He left his wife at Simla
On three-fourths his monthly screw.
.....
Rudyard Kipling

Rudyard Kipling
At The "atlantic" Dinner

I suppose it's myself that you're making allusion to
And bringing the sense of dismay and confusion to.
Of course some must speak, - they are always selected to,
But pray what's the reason that I am expected to?
.....

Oliver Wendell Holmes
Old Pete Parraday

Old Pete Paraday, his mind works very slow;
But, when it fastens on a thoughts, he will not let it go.
He measures it and mumbles it until an answer comes,
Just as he mumbles bits and scraps between his toothless gums.
.....

Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
Captain Craig Iii

I found the old man sitting in his bed,
Propped up and uncomplaining. On a chair
Beside him was a dreary bowl of broth,
A magazine, some glasses, and a pipe.
.....
Edwin Arlington Robinson

Edwin Arlington Robinson
Isaac And Archibald

(To Mrs. Henry Richards)

Isaac and Archibald were two old men.
I knew them, and I may have laughed at them
.....
Edwin Arlington Robinson

Edwin Arlington Robinson
The Yarn Of The Nancy Bell

'Twas on the shores that round our coast
From Deal to Ramsgate span,
That I found alone on a piece of stone
An elderly naval man.
.....

William Schwenck Gilbert
Captain Craig Ii

Yet that ride had an end, as all rides have;
And the days coming after took the road
That all days take,-though never one of them
Went by but I got some good thought of it
.....
Edwin Arlington Robinson

Edwin Arlington Robinson
Battered Bob

HE WAS working on a station in the Western when I knew him,
And he came from Conongamo, up the old surveyorsâ?? track,
And the fellows all admitted that no man in Vic. could â??do him,â??
Since heâ??d smothered Stonewall Menzie, also Anderson, the black.
.....

Edward George Dyson