I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Quote by Steven Wright
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Steven Wright quote
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Steven Wright Quotes
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
My mom is the backbone not just of my family but of many families.
In general I was a good kid. It usually took a lot to make me mad. But once I reached the boiling point, I lost all rational control. Totally without thinking, when my anger was aroused, I grabbed the nearest brick, rock, or stick to bash someone. It was as if I had no conscious will in the matter.
When you relinquish the desire to control your future, you can have more happiness.
I have the ability to sing with emotion and feeling, but if you say I sound like Billie Holiday, that's cool. Let's look at who Billie was: she was this person, this singer, this beautiful diva who could move the audience with the slightest gesture of her hand.
Ultimately, to have a career in movies, to a certain extent, certainly in England, you can't sustain a career in just English movies.
In order to acquire a growing and lasting respect in society, it is a good thing, if you possess great talent, to give, early in your youth, a very hard kick to the right shin of the society that you love. After that, be a snob.
I like being a woman, even in a man's world. After all, men can't wear dresses, but we can wear the pants.
Observe constantly that all things take place by change, and accustom thyself to consider that the nature of the Universe loves nothing so much as to change the things which are, and to make new things like them.
To hope means to be ready at every moment for that which is not yet born, and yet not become desperate if there is no birth in our lifetime.
Before I do anything, I think, well what hasn't been seen. Sometimes, that turns out to be something ghastly and not fit for society. And sometimes that inspiration becomes something that's really worthwhile.