Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
Quote by Steven Wright
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Steven Wright quote
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Steven Wright Quotes
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
What's another word for Thesaurus?
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
How young can you die of old age?
Why should 20-year-olds only be considered sexy? I think we get better with age.
Electric communication will never be a substitute for the face of someone who with their soul encourages another person to be brave and true.
I once wanted to prove myself by being a great actress. Now I want to prove that I'm a person. Then maybe I'll be a great actress.
To live well is to work well, to show a good activity.
The future of Indo-Pak cricket will depend on how the peace process goes.
It's an amazing feeling to go into a studio and really be alone.
The age in which we live, this non-stop distraction, is making it more impossible for the young generation to ever have the curiosity or discipline... because you need to be alone to find out anything.
On the political front, of course it's a zero-sum game. If it's all white males holding positions, you bring 10 women in, then it's, 'Women are coming!' Get 10 blacks and it's, 'Blacks are coming!' 'Hispanics are coming!' Zero-sum game. The seatmates might change but the chairs don't move. In the economy, the number of chairs can actually increase.
The two operations of our understanding, intuition and deduction, on which alone we have said we must rely in the acquisition of knowledge.
Women being pitted each other another in Hollywood is an old tactic, but it's not real at all.