I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Quote by Steven Wright
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Steven Wright quote
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Steven Wright Quotes
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
How young can you die of old age?
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I've always taught that a poor economy is the best opportunity for salespeople because the naysayers and grumblers have already given up, leaving more territory, more opportunities to be successful than in a good economy when virtually all salespeople are out there, giving it their best.
Death is a billion-dollar business. They can't even pass a law where it takes seven days to get a gun. Why don't you have to go through the same kind of screening you do to get a driver's license? It's totally insane.
A free press can, of course, be good or bad, but, most certainly without freedom, the press will never be anything but bad.
As a mom, I know it is my responsibility, and no one else's, to raise my kids. But we have to ask ourselves, what does it mean when so many parents are finding their best efforts undermined by an avalanche of advertisements aimed at our kids.
The idea that the rest of the world was somehow being held hostage by the Arab-Israeli conflict once had a minimal basis in reality. In the first 20 years of Israel's existence, every Arab country was in an active state of war with the Jewish state.
You can practice to attain knowledge, but you can't practice to attain wisdom.
You always want to quit while you are ahead. You don't want to be like a fighter who stays too long in the ring until you're not performing at your best.
Whoever renders service to many puts himself in line for greatness - great wealth, great return, great satisfaction, great reputation, and great joy.
There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.
When I make a film I'm away from home for two to three months. So I want my kids to look at my films one day and say, I love his movies, I love his choices-because he loved them.