I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Quote by Steven Wright
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Steven Wright Quotes
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
In this business it takes time to be really good - and by that time, you're obsolete.
The experience of God, or in any case the possibility of experiencing God, is innate.
I was raised in an atmosphere of 'everything's fine.' But as I got older, I was like, 'Well no, everything's not fine. There is stuff that's sad.' I am a really sensitive person. I think I am too sensitive sometimes.
Madonna remains the most visible performer on the planet, as well as one of the wealthiest, but would anyone seriously say that artistic self-development is her primary motivating principle? She is too busy with Kabbalah, fashion merchandising, adoption melodramas, the gym, and ill-starred horseback riding to study art.
I had used eclectic therapy and behavior therapy on myself at the age of 19 to get over my fear of public speaking and of approaching young women in public.
A great mind becomes a great fortune.
Air travel is the safest form of travel aside from walking even then, the chances of being hit by a public bus at 30,000 feet are remarkably slim. I also have no problem with confined spaces. Or heights. What I am afraid of is speed.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.
An idea is salvation by imagination.