I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Quote by Steven Wright
Click on the picture of Steven Wright quote you want to see a larger version.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Click on the picture of Steven Wright quote you want to see a larger version.
Steven Wright Quotes
- If God dropped acid, would he see people?
- When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
- I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
- Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
- I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
- I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
- I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
- I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
- When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
- I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Best Quotes
- The new freedom of expression brought by the Internet goes far beyond politics. People relate to each other in new ways, posing questions about how we should respond to people when all that we know about them is what we have learned through a medium that permits all kinds of anonymity and deception.
- As kids we're not taught how to deal with success we're taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what?
- Society exists for the benefit of its members, not the members for the benefit of society.
- My humanitarian work evolved from being with my family. My mom, my dad, they really set a great example for giving back. My mom was a nurse, my dad was a school teacher. But my mom did a lot of things for geriatrics and elderly people. She would do home visits for free.
- The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything save our modes of thinking and we thus drift toward unparalleled catastrophe.
- Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it... that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear.
- The freethinking of one age is the common sense of the next.
- This world of ours... must avoid becoming a community of dreadful fear and hate, and be, instead, a proud confederation of mutual trust and respect.
- We are not at peace with others because we are not at peace with ourselves, and we are not at peace with ourselves because we are not at peace with God.
- The wisdom and experience of older people is a resource of inestimable worth. Recognizing and treasuring the contributions of older people is essential to the long-term flourishing of any society.