There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Quote by Steven Wright
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Steven Wright Quotes
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
How young can you die of old age?
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
White House operatives went to great lengths to show Obama shifting focus from wars abroad to domestic issues at home.
If you have issues with family, friends, and people at work, try and solve these issues head on so you can move on and concentrate on having the life you want.
Logic is neither an art nor a science but a dodge.
I say to the Taliban: surrender the terrorists or surrender power. It's your choice.
We talk a lot on 'Biggest Loser' about how fitness is a natural antidepressant, how it burns off stress. What I like about running is that it gives me time alone. I'm always busy, with people at work, with my kids. I love getting out for a run by myself and just listening to my music.
Love & compassion are permanent nature of human but it keeps on fluctuating upon time.
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
What we think determines what happens to us, so if we want to change our lives, we need to stretch our minds.
No pleasure has any savor for me without communication.
A dreamer lives for eternity.