My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Quote by Steven Wright
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Steven Wright Quotes
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
How young can you die of old age?
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
In South Africa, we could not have achieved our freedom and just peace without the help of people around the world, who through the use of non-violent means, such as boycotts and divestment, encouraged their governments and other corporate actors to reverse decades-long support for the Apartheid regime.
The history of men's opposition to women's emancipation is more interesting perhaps than the story of that emancipation itself.
I could always sing, from a really young age, but my voice was really weird. I used to make my mum turn up the radio every day in our house. She was well into music so I got that from her.
Since my teen years I was interested in martial arts.
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
This is our commitment to users and the people who use our service, is that Facebook's a free service. It's free now. It will always be free. We make money through having advertisements and things like that.
There is none made so great, but he may both need the help and service, and stand in fear of the power and unkindness, even of the meanest of mortals.
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed.
You have to be there not for the fame and glory and recognition and being a page in a history book, but you have to be there because you believe your talent and ability can be applied effectively to operation of the spacecraft.