Ogden Nash Poems
You Can Be A Republican, I'm A Genocrat Oh, "rorty" was a mid-Victorian word
Which meant "fine, splendid, jolly,"
And often to me it has reoccurred
The Porcupine Any hound a porcupine nudges
Can't be blamed for harboring grudges.
I know one hound that laughed all winter
A Lady Who Thinks She Is Thirty Unwillingly Miranda wakes,
Feels the sun with terror, One unwilling step she takes,
I Do, I Will, I Have How wise I am to have instructed the butler
to instruct the first footman to instruct the second
footman to instruct the doorman to order my carriage;
Everybody Tells Me Everything I find it very difficult to enthuse
Over the current news. Just when you think that at least the outlook is so black that it can grow no blacker, it worsens,
Ice Breaking Candy
The Chipmunk My friends all know that I am shy,
But the chipmunk is twice and shy and I.
He moves with flickering indecision
Reflection On A Wicked World Purity
The Eel I don't mind eels
Except as meals.
Reflections On Ice-breaking Candy
The Wasp The wasp and all his numerous family
I look upon as a major calamity. He throws open his nest with prodigality,
The Praying Mantis From whence arrived the praying mantis?
From outer space, or lost Atlantis?
glimpse the grin, green metal mug
The Octopus Tell me, O Octopus, I begs
Is those things arms, or is they legs? I marvel at thee, Octopus;
Spring Comes To Murray Hill I sit in an office at 244 Madison Avenue
And say to myself You have a responsible job havenue?
Why then do you fritter away your time on this doggerel?
Pretty Halcyon Days How pleasant to sit on the beach,
On the beach, on the sand, in the sun,
With ocean galore within reach,
The Camel The camel has a single hump;
The dromedary , two; Or else the other way around.
The Germ A mighty creature is the germ,
Though smaller than the pachyderm.
His customary dwelling place
Grandpa Is Ashamed A child need not be very clever
To learn that "Later, dear" means "Never."
The Fly God in his wisdom made the fly
And then forgot to tell us why.
The Duck Behold the duck.
It does not cluck. A cluck it lacks.
A Tale Of The Thirteenth Floor The hands of the clock were reaching high
In an old midtown hotel;
I name no name, but its sordid fame
To My Valentine More than a catbird hates a cat,
Or a criminal hates a clue,
Or the Axis hates the United States,
Crossing The Border Senescence begins
And middle age ends
The day your descendents
What Almost Every Woman Knows Sooner Or Later Husbands are things that wives have to get used to putting up with.
And with whom they breakfast with and sup with.
They interfere with the discipline of nurseries,
The Guppy Whales have calves,
Cats have kittens, Bears have cubs,
The People Upstairs The people upstairs all practise ballet
Their living room is a bowling alley
Their bedroom is full of conducted tours.
Pg Wooster, Just As He Useter Bound to your bookseller, leap to your library,
Deluge your dealer with bakshish and bribary,
Lean on the counter and never say when,
Song To Be Sung By The Father Of Infant Female Children My heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky;Contrariwise, my blood runs cold
Always Marry An April Girl Praise the spells and bless the charms,
I found April in my arms.April golden, April cloudy,
Goody For Our Side And Your Side Too Foreigners are people somewhere else,
Natives are people at home;If the place youâ??re at
Tin Wedding Whistle Though you know it anyhow
Listen to me, darling, now, Proving what I need not prove
A Word To Husbands To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,Whenever youâ??re wrong, admit it;
The Rhinoceros The rhino is a homely beast,
For human eyes he's not a feast. Farwell, farewell, you old rhinoceros,
Further Reflections On Parsley Parsley
The Shrimp A shrimp who sought his lady shrimp
Could catch no glimpseNot even a glimp.
The Ostrich The ostrich roams the great Sahara.
Its mouth is wide, its neck is narra. It has such long and lofty legs,
Kipling's Vermont The summer like a rajah dies,
And every widowed treeKindles for Congregationalist eyes
Lines To Be Embroidered On A Bib OR
The Child Is Father Of The Man, But Not For Quite A While
Possessions Are Nine Points Of Conversation Some people, and it doesn't matter whether they are paupers or millionaires, Think that anything they have is the best in the world just because it is theirs. If they happen to own a 1921 jalopy, They look at their neighbor's new de luxe convertible like the wearer of a 57th Street gown at a 14th Street copy. If their seventeen-year-old child is still in the third grade they sneer at the graduation of the seventeen-year-old children of their friends, Claiming that prodigies always come to bad ends, And if their roof leaks, It's because the shingles are antiques. Other people, and if doesn't matter if they are Scandinavians or Celts, Think that anything is better than theirs just because it belongs to somebody else. If you congratulate them when their blue-blooded Doberman pinscher wins the obedience championship, they look at you like a martyr, And say that the garbage man's little Rover is really infinitely smarter; And if they smoke fifteen-cent cigars they are sure somebody else gets better cigars for a dime. And if they take a trip to Paris they are sure their friends who went to Old Orchard had a better time. Yes, they look on their neighbor's ox and ass with covetousness and their own ox and ass with abhorrence, And if they are wives they want their husband to be like Florence's Freddie, and if they are husbands they want their wives to be like Freddie's Florence. I think that comparisons are truly odious, I do not approve of this constant proud or envious to-do; And furthermore, dear friends, I think that you and yours are delightful and I also think that me and mine are delightful too.
Lines Indited With All The Depravity Of Poverty One way to be very happy is to be very rich
For then you can buy orchids by the quire and bacon by the flitch.And yet at the same time People don't mind if you only tip them a dime,
Old Men People expect old men to die,
They do not really mourn old men. Old men are different. People look
The Cantaloupe One cantaloupe is ripe and lush,
Another's green, another's mush.I'd buy a lot more cantaloupe
One Third Of The Calendar In January everything freezes.
We have two children. Both are she'ses.This is our January rule:
Children's Party May I join you in the doghouse, Rover?
I wish to retire till the party's over.Since three o'clock I've done my best
The Sunset Years Of Samuel Shy Master I may be,
But not of my fate.Now come the kisses, too many too late.
Celery Celery, raw
Develops the jaw,But celery, stewed,
The Cuckoo Cuckoos lead Bohemian lives,
They fail as husbands and as wives, Therefore they cynically disparage
The Bargain As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven lives;Seven lives,
Peekabo, I Almost See You Middle-aged life is merry, and I love to
lead it,But there comes a day when your eyes
Total 121 poems written by Ogden Nash