I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Quote by Steven Wright
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Steven Wright quote
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Steven Wright Quotes
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
How young can you die of old age?
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams who looks inside, awakes.
Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream.
Change your life today. Don't gamble on the future, act now, without delay.
Women have been taught that, for us, the earth is flat, and that if we venture out, we will fall off the edge. Some of us have ventured out nevertheless, and so far we have not fallen off. It is my faith, my feminist faith, that we will not.
Therefore, the good of man must be the end of the science of politics.
Develop an interest in life as you see it the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.
Take free money. No matter how in debt you are, if your employer offers a matching contribution on a 401(k) or other retirement vehicle, you must sign up and contribute enough to get the maximum company match each year. Think of it as a bonus.
When women go wrong, men go right after them.
I was surrounded by strong women so it had never even occurred to me that women were anything other than equal to men.
Don't hurt somebody We share same body.