I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Quote by Steven Wright
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Steven Wright quote
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Steven Wright Quotes
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Live truth instead of professing it.
We should learn to accept that change is truly the only thing that's going on always, and learn to ride with it and enjoy it.
You know those movies where the people in the audience are screaming, 'Don't go in that door!' because you know the killer is there? Well, it is the same thing with this debt. We know how this ends.
It is good to express a thing twice right at the outset and so to give it a right foot and also a left one. Truth can surely stand on one leg, but with two it will be able to walk and get around.
Fighting a war on terrorism is like fighting against crime. We can never hope to eradicate crime, so we shouldn't bother fighting it.
The consumer isn't a moron she is your wife.
I like being able to walk into an old town and find good local food.
And if small businesspeople say they made it on their own, all they are saying is that nobody else worked seven days a week in their place. Nobody showed up in their place to open the door at five in the morning. Nobody did their thinking, and worrying, and sweating for them.
Crying is cleansing. There's a reason for tears, happiness or sadness.
Success is not a good teacher, failure makes you humble.