The Baldness Of Chewed-ear Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis
Rhyme Scheme: AABBCC ADADD EFGGHH IIJJDD KKLLMM MNMNGDGDOPOPMM IIQRMMSSMMDD MMTTMMUU IIIIVVDDWW XXGGYY IIZZA2A2When Chewed ear Jenkins got hitched up to Guinneyveer McGee | A |
His flowin' locks ye recollect wuz frivolous an' free | A |
But in old Hymen's jack pot it's a most amazin' thing | B |
Them flowin' locks jest disappeared like snow balls in the Spring | B |
Jest seemed to wilt an' fade away like dead leaves in the Fall | C |
An' left old Chewed ear balder than a white washed cannon ball | C |
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Now Missis Chewed ear Jenkins that wuz Guinneyveer McGee | A |
Wuz jest about as fine a draw as ever made a pair | D |
But when the boys got joshin' an' suggested it was she | A |
That must be inflooenshul for the old man's slump in hair | D |
Why Missis Chewed ear Jenkins jest went clean up in the air | D |
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To demonstrate sez she that night the lovin' wife I am | E |
I've bought a dozen bottles of Bink's Anty Dandruff Balm | F |
'Twill make yer hair jest sprout an' curl like squash vines in the sun | G |
An' I'm propose to sling it on till every drop is done | G |
That hit old Chewed ear's funny side so he lays back an' hollers | H |
The day you raise a hair old girl you'll git a thousand dollars | H |
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Now whether 'twas the prize or not 'tis mighty hard to say | I |
But Chewed ear didn't seem to have much comfort from that day | I |
With bottles of that dandruff dope she followed at his heels | J |
An' sprinkled an' massaged him even when he ate his meals | J |
She waked him from his beauty sleep with tender lovin' care | D |
An' rubbed an' scrubbed assiduous yet never sign of hair | D |
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Well naturally all the boys soon tumbled to the joke | K |
An' at the Wow wow's Social 'twas Cold deck Davis spoke | K |
The little woman's working mighty hard on Chewed ear's crown | L |
Let's give her for a three fifth's share a hundred dollars down | L |
We stand to make five hundred clear boys drink in whiskey straight | M |
The Chewed ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate' | M |
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The boys wuz on an' soon chipped in the necessary dust | M |
They primed up a committy to negotiate the deal | N |
Then Missis Jenkins yielded bein' rather in disgust | M |
An' all wuz signed an' witnessed an' invested with a seal | N |
They rounded up old Chewed ear an' they broke it what they'd done | G |
Allowed they'd bought an interest in his chance of raisin' hair | D |
They yanked his hat off anxiouslike opinin' one by one | G |
Their magnifyin' glasses showed fine prospects everywhere | D |
They bought Hairlene an' Thatchem an' Jay's Capillery Juice | O |
An' Seven Something Sisters an' Macassar an' Bay Rum | P |
An' everyone insisted on his speshul right to sluice | O |
His speshul line of lotion onto Chewed ear's cranium | P |
They only got the merrier the more the old man roared | M |
An' shares in Jenkins Hirsute went sky highin' on the board | M |
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The Syndicate wuz hopeful that they'd demonstrate the pay | I |
An' Missis Jenkins laboured in her perseverin' way | I |
The boys discussed on surface rights an' out crops an' so on | Q |
An' planned to have it crown surveyed an' blue prints of it drawn | R |
They ran a base line sluiced an' yelled an' everyone wuz glad | M |
Except the balance of the property an' he wuz mad | M |
It gives me pain he interjects to squash yer glowin' dream | S |
But you wuz fools when you got in on this here Hirsute' scheme | S |
You'll never raise a hair on me when lo that very night | M |
Preparin' to retire he got a most onpleasant fright | M |
For on that shinin' dome of his so prominently bare | D |
He felt the baby outcrop of a second growth of hair | D |
- | |
A thousand dollars Sufferin' Caesar Well it must be saved | M |
He grabbed his razor recklesslike an' shaved an' shaved an' shaved | M |
An' when his head was smooth again he gives a mighty sigh | T |
An' sneaks away an' buys some Hair Destroyer on the sly | T |
So there wuz Missis Jenkins with Restorer wagin' fight | M |
An' Chewed ear with Destroyer circumventin' her at night | M |
The battle wuz a mighty one his nerves wuz on the strain | U |
An' yet in spite of all he did that hair began to gain | U |
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The situation grew intense so quietly one day | I |
He gave his share holders the slip an' made his get a way | I |
Jest like a criminal he skipped an' aimed to defalcate | I |
The Chewed ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate | I |
His guilty secret burned him an' he sought the city's din | V |
I've got to get a wig sez he to cover up my sin | V |
It's growin' growin' night an' day it's most amazin' hair | D |
An' when he looked at it that night he shuddered with despair | D |
He shuddered an' suppressed a cry at what his optics seen | W |
For on my word of honour boys that hair wuz growin' green | W |
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At first he guessed he'd get some dye an' try to dye it black | X |
An' then he saw 'twas Nemmysis wuz layin' on his track | X |
He must jest face the music an' confess the thing he done | G |
An' pay the boys an' Guinneyveer the money they had won | G |
An' then there came a big idee it thrilled him like a shock | Y |
Why not control the Syndicate by buyin' up the Stock | Y |
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An' so next day he hurried back with smoothly shaven pate | I |
An' for a hundred dollars he bought up the Syndicate | I |
'Twas mighty frenzied finance an' the boys set up a roar | Z |
But Hirsutes from the market wuz withdrawn for evermore | Z |
An' to this day in Nuggetsville they tell the tale how slick | A2 |
The Syndicate sold out too soon and Chewed ear turned the trick | A2 |
Robert William Service
(1)
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