The Baldness Of Chewed-ear Poem Rhyme Scheme

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When Chewed ear Jenkins got hitched up to Guinneyveer McGee	A
His flowin' locks ye recollect wuz frivolous an' free	A
But in old Hymen's jack pot it's a most amazin' thing	B
Them flowin' locks jest disappeared like snow balls in the Spring	B
Jest seemed to wilt an' fade away like dead leaves in the Fall	C
An' left old Chewed ear balder than a white washed cannon ball	C
	-
Now Missis Chewed ear Jenkins that wuz Guinneyveer McGee	A
Wuz jest about as fine a draw as ever made a pair	D
But when the boys got joshin' an' suggested it was she	A
That must be inflooenshul for the old man's slump in hair	D
Why Missis Chewed ear Jenkins jest went clean up in the air	D
	-
To demonstrate sez she that night the lovin' wife I am	E
I've bought a dozen bottles of Bink's Anty Dandruff Balm	F
'Twill make yer hair jest sprout an' curl like squash vines in the sun	G
An' I'm propose to sling it on till every drop is done	G
That hit old Chewed ear's funny side so he lays back an' hollers	H
The day you raise a hair old girl you'll git a thousand dollars	H
	-
Now whether 'twas the prize or not 'tis mighty hard to say	I
But Chewed ear didn't seem to have much comfort from that day	I
With bottles of that dandruff dope she followed at his heels	J
An' sprinkled an' massaged him even when he ate his meals	J
She waked him from his beauty sleep with tender lovin' care	D
An' rubbed an' scrubbed assiduous yet never sign of hair	D
	-
Well naturally all the boys soon tumbled to the joke	K
An' at the Wow wow's Social 'twas Cold deck Davis spoke	K
The little woman's working mighty hard on Chewed ear's crown	L
Let's give her for a three fifth's share a hundred dollars down	L
We stand to make five hundred clear boys drink in whiskey straight	M
The Chewed ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate'	M
	-
The boys wuz on an' soon chipped in the necessary dust	M
They primed up a committy to negotiate the deal	N
Then Missis Jenkins yielded bein' rather in disgust	M
An' all wuz signed an' witnessed an' invested with a seal	N
They rounded up old Chewed ear an' they broke it what they'd done	G
Allowed they'd bought an interest in his chance of raisin' hair	D
They yanked his hat off anxiouslike opinin' one by one	G
Their magnifyin' glasses showed fine prospects everywhere	D
They bought Hairlene an' Thatchem an' Jay's Capillery Juice	O
An' Seven Something Sisters an' Macassar an' Bay Rum	P
An' everyone insisted on his speshul right to sluice	O
His speshul line of lotion onto Chewed ear's cranium	P
They only got the merrier the more the old man roared	M
An' shares in Jenkins Hirsute went sky highin' on the board	M
	-
The Syndicate wuz hopeful that they'd demonstrate the pay	I
An' Missis Jenkins laboured in her perseverin' way	I
The boys discussed on surface rights an' out crops an' so on	Q
An' planned to have it crown surveyed an' blue prints of it drawn	R
They ran a base line sluiced an' yelled an' everyone wuz glad	M
Except the balance of the property an' he wuz mad	M
It gives me pain he interjects to squash yer glowin' dream	S
But you wuz fools when you got in on this here Hirsute' scheme	S
You'll never raise a hair on me when lo that very night	M
Preparin' to retire he got a most onpleasant fright	M
For on that shinin' dome of his so prominently bare	D
He felt the baby outcrop of a second growth of hair	D
	-
A thousand dollars Sufferin' Caesar Well it must be saved	M
He grabbed his razor recklesslike an' shaved an' shaved an' shaved	M
An' when his head was smooth again he gives a mighty sigh	T
An' sneaks away an' buys some Hair Destroyer on the sly	T
So there wuz Missis Jenkins with Restorer wagin' fight	M
An' Chewed ear with Destroyer circumventin' her at night	M
The battle wuz a mighty one his nerves wuz on the strain	U
An' yet in spite of all he did that hair began to gain	U
	-
The situation grew intense so quietly one day	I
He gave his share holders the slip an' made his get a way	I
Jest like a criminal he skipped an' aimed to defalcate	I
The Chewed ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate	I
His guilty secret burned him an' he sought the city's din	V
I've got to get a wig sez he to cover up my sin	V
It's growin' growin' night an' day it's most amazin' hair	D
An' when he looked at it that night he shuddered with despair	D
He shuddered an' suppressed a cry at what his optics seen	W
For on my word of honour boys that hair wuz growin' green	W
	-
At first he guessed he'd get some dye an' try to dye it black	X
An' then he saw 'twas Nemmysis wuz layin' on his track	X
He must jest face the music an' confess the thing he done	G
An' pay the boys an' Guinneyveer the money they had won	G
An' then there came a big idee it thrilled him like a shock	Y
Why not control the Syndicate by buyin' up the Stock	Y
	-
An' so next day he hurried back with smoothly shaven pate	I
An' for a hundred dollars he bought up the Syndicate	I
'Twas mighty frenzied finance an' the boys set up a roar	Z
But Hirsutes from the market wuz withdrawn for evermore	Z
An' to this day in Nuggetsville they tell the tale how slick	A2
The Syndicate sold out too soon and Chewed ear turned the trick	A2

Robert William Service

The Baldness Of Chewed-ear Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

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