I WISH I-d never gone to board
In that house where I met
The touring lady from abroad,
Who mocks my nightmares yet.
I wish-I wish that she had saved
Her news of what she-d seen-
That Dan O-Connor is clean shaved
And parts his hair between.

The ladies down at Manly now-
And widows understood-
No more deplore their marriage vow
Or hopeless widowhood.
For Dan O-Connor is the same
As though he-d never been,
Since Daniel shaved that shave of shame,
And combed his hair between.

No more, Oh Bards, in Danyel tones
He-ll voice our several fames,
And nevermore he-ll mix our bones
As once he mixed our names.
Let Southern minstrels dree their weird
And lay their sad harps down,
For Dan O-Connor-s shorn of beard
And cracked across the crown.

The lobby and refreshment room
Are shorn of half their larks,
A newer ghost now haunts the gloom
That knew the ghost of Parkes:
The brightest joke Australia had
Is but a hopeless grunt-
It went for ever mad and bad
When Daniel shaved his front.

The fair Spotswhoshky weeps indeed-
Frogsleggi and Bung Lung-
With none to greet and none to speed
Them in their native tongue!
By Sucklar Key nor Golden Gate
No Dan is ever seen
Since Dan O-Connor wiped his -slate�
And notched his top between.

But-Dan O-Connor-(Lord knows best
The thing might be a sell)-
You surely will forgive a jest
From one who wished you well-
When we-ve forgot the face we feared
And Time has deadened pain,
Oh! Dan O-Connor, grow your beard,
And come to us again.