Will it matter if I’m furious now?
Will it make a difference and how?
Should I just be mad at myself for
not leaving sooner out the door?

I’m shrouded in self-doubt
Struggling to dig me out
Blaming myself for all the pain
In the process of breaking my brain

You caused it all:
The belief that I was wrong
And forgetting all along
That you were supposed to have my back
But I ended up putting up with all the slack
You abandoned me when I needed you the most.

An overreaction!
That’s what you called my father’s death
when he laid there breathing his final breath.
I needed you to hold me tight
But instead, you picked a fight.

I don’t deserve what I had to go through
I really had no clue
Being married to a narcissist broke me
Now only doubt and negativity can I see
as I try to make sense of it all.

I was strong to break the bond
of marriage
but beyond
that I have nothing…

I still feel I deserve the scraps
but perhaps…

I need to acknowledge you caused me pain
I need to acknowledge you rewired my brain
I need to acknowledge you made me question my sanity
And you made me lock away my humanity.

You are a terrible human being
Causing all the destruction everyone is seeing.
I might have been blind at the time
But I wiped off your slime.

You cut me over and over
The healing process will be slower
But I need to acknowledge the pain you made me feel
for me to deal.

You left scars that will show for a lifetime
I wish everyone knew about your crime
But I need to acknowledge that you had so much blame
That you should be the one shrouded in shame.