The Fudges In England. Letter Ix. From Larry O'branigan, To His Wife Judy Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

Rhyme Scheme: ABABCC DDEEFFEE GGGC CCCCHIGGCCEECCEEAA JKGGLLLAAEECCC GGGMMNNCCEEEE GGGGMMAA GGCCCCAAAAAAAAAIIAAG GGG IIAAAAGGGAAAAAA AAAALL A GGAAAAII

As it was but last week that I sint you a lettherA
You'll wondher dear Judy what this is aboutB
And throth it's a letther myself would like bettherA
Could I manage to lave the contints of it outB
For sure if it makes even me onaisyC
Who takes things quiet 'twill dhrive you crazyC
-
Oh Judy that riverind Murthagh bad scran to himD
That e'er I should come to've been sarvant man to himD
Or so far demane the O'Branigan bloodE
And my Aunts the Diluvians whom not even the FloodE
Was able to wash away clane from the earthF
As to sarve one whose name of mere yestherday's birthF
Can no more to a great O before it purtendE
Than mine can to wear a great Q at its endE
-
But that's now all over last night I gev warnin '-
And masth'r as he is will discharge him this mornin'G
The thief of the world but it's no use balraggin'G
All I know is I'd fifty times rather be draggin'G
Ould ladies up hill to the ind of my daysC
-
Than with Murthagh to rowl in a chaise at my aiseC
And be forced to discind thro' the same dirty waysC
Arrah sure if I'd heerd where he last showed his phizC
I'd have known what a quare sort of monsthsr he isC
For by gor 'twas at Exether Change sure enoughH
That himself and his other wild Irish showed offI
And it's pity so 'tis that they hadn't got no manG
Who knew the wild crathurs to act as their showmanG
Sayin' Ladies and Gintlemen plaze to take noticeC
How shlim and how shleek this black animal's coat isC
All by raison we're towld that the natur o' the basteE
Is to change its coat once in its lifetime at lasteE
And such objiks in our counthry not bein' common onesC
Are bought up as this was by way of Fine NomenonsC
In regard of its name why in throth I'm consarnedE
To differ on this point so much with the LarnedE
Who call it a 'Morthimer ' whereas the craythurA
Is plainly a 'Murthagh ' by name and by nathurA
-
This is how I'd have towld them the righst of it allJ
Had I been their showman at Exether HailK
Not forgettin' that other great wondher of AirinG
Of the owld bitther breed which they call ProsbetairinG
The famed Daddy Coke who by gor I'd have shown 'emL
As proof how such bastes may be tamed when you've thrown 'emL
A good frindly sop of the rale Raigin DonemL
But throth I've no laisure just now Judy dearA
For anything barrin' our own doings hereA
And the cursin' and dammin' and thund'rin like madE
We Papists God help us from Murthagh have hadE
He says we're all murtherers divil a bit lessC
And that even our priests when we go to confessC
Give us lessons in murthering and wish us successC
-
When axed how he daared by tongue or by penG
To belie in this way seven millions of menG
Faith he said'twas all towld him by Docthor DenG
And who the divil's he was the question that flewM
From Chrishtian to Chrishtian but not a sowl knewM
While on went Murthagh in iligant styleN
Blasphaming us Cath'lics all the whileN
As a pack of desaivers parjurers villainsC
All the whole kit of the aforesaid millionsC
Yourself dear Judy as well as the restE
And the innocent craythur that's at your breastE
All rogues together in word and deedE
Owld Den our insthructor and Sin our creedE
-
When axed for his proofs again and againG
Divil an answer he'd give but Docthor DenG
Couldn'the call into coort some livin' menG
No thank you he'd stick to Docthor DenG
An ould gintleman dead a century or twoM
Who all about us live Catholics knewM
And of coorse was more handy to call in a hurryA
Than Docthor MacHale or Docthor MurrayA
-
But throth it's no case to be jokin' uponG
Tho' myself from bad habits is makin' it oneG
Even you had you witnessed his grand climacthericsC
Which actially threw one owld maid in hystericsC
Or och had you heerd such a purty remark as hisC
That Papists are only Humanity's carcassesC
Risen but by dad I'm afeared I can't give it yeA
Risen from the sepulchre of inactivityA
And like owld corpses dug up from antikityA
Wandrin' about in all sorts of inikityA
Even you Judy true as you are to the Owld LightA
Would have laught out and out at this iligant flightA
Of that figure of speech called the BlatherumskiteA
As for me tho' a funny thought now and then came to meA
Rage got the betther at last and small blame to meA
So slapping my thigh by the Powers of DelfI
Says I bowldly I'll make a noration myselfI
And with that up I jumps but my darlint the minitA
I cockt up my head divil a sinse remained in itA
Tho' saited I could have got beautiful onG
When I tuk to my legs faith the gab was all goneG
Which was odd for us Pats who whate'er we've a hand inG
At laste in our legs show a sthrong understandin'G
-
Howsumdever detarmined the chaps should pursaiveI
What I thought of their doin's before I tuk laveI
In regard of all that says I there I stopt shortA
Not a word more would come tho' I shtruggled hard for'tA
So shnapping my fingers at what's called the ChairA
And the owld Lord or Lady I believe that sat thereA
In regard of all that says I bowldly againG
To owld Nick I pitch Mortimer and Docthor DenG
Upon which the whole company cried out AmenG
And myself was in hopes 'twas to what I had saidA
But by gor no such thing they were not so well bredA
For 'twas all to a prayer Murthagh just had read outA
By way of fit finish to job so devoutA
That is afther well damning one half the communityA
To pray God to keep all in pace an' in unityA
-
This is all I can shtuff in this letter tho' plintyA
Of news faith I've got to fill more if 'twas twintyA
But I'll add on the outside a line should I need itA
Writin' Private upon it that no one may read itA
To tell you how Mortimer as the Saints chrishten himL
Bears the big shame of his sarvant's dismisshin' himL
-
Private outsideA
-
Just come from his riv'rence the job is all doneG
By the powers I've discharged him as sure as a gunG
And now Judy dear what on earth I'm to doA
With myself and my appetite both good as newA
Without even a single traneen in my pocketA
Let alone a good dacent pound starlin' to stock itA
Is a mysht'ry I lave to the One that's aboveI
Who takes care of us dissolute sawls when hard dhroveI

Thomas Moore



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