How To Make One's Self A Peer Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis
Rhyme Scheme: A BBCCDDEEFFGG BBBBBBB HHBBII JJBBBBKLMMBBB BBBBB NNOOPP| ACCORDING TO THE NEWEST RECEIPT AS DISCLOSED IN A LATE HERALDIC WORK | A |
| - | |
| - | |
| Choose some title that's dormant the Peerage hath many | B |
| Lord Baron of Shamdos sounds nobly as any | B |
| Next catch a dead cousin of said defunct Peer | C |
| And marry him off hand in some given year | C |
| To the daughter of somebody no matter who | D |
| Fig the grocer himself if you're hard run will do | D |
| For the Medici pills still in heraldry tell | E |
| And why shouldn't lollypops quarter as well | E |
| Thus having your couple and one a lord's cousin | F |
| Young materials for peers may be had by the dozen | F |
| And 'tis hard if inventing each small mother's son of 'em | G |
| You can't somehow manage to prove yourself one of 'em | G |
| - | |
| Should registers deeds and such matters refractory | B |
| Stand in the way of this lord manufactory | B |
| I've merely to hint as a secret auricular | B |
| One grand rule of enterprise don't be particular | B |
| A man who once takes such a jump at nobility | B |
| Must not mince the matter like folks of nihility | B |
| But clear thick and thin with true lordly agility | B |
| - | |
| 'Tis true to a would be descendant from Kings | H |
| Parish registers sometimes are troublesome things | H |
| As oft when the vision is near brought about | B |
| Some goblin in shape of a grocer grins out | B |
| Or some barber perhaps with my Lord mingles bloods | I |
| And one's patent of peerage is left in the suds | I |
| - | |
| But there are ways when folks are resolved to be lords | J |
| Of expurging even troublesome parish records | J |
| What think ye of scissors depend on't no heir | B |
| Of a Shamdos should go unsupplied with a pair | B |
| As whate'er else the learned in such lore may invent | B |
| Your scissors does wonders in proving descent | B |
| Yes poets may sing of those terrible shears | K |
| With which Atropos snips off both bumpkins and peers | L |
| But they're naught to that weapon which shines in the hands | M |
| Of some would be Patricians when proudly he stands | M |
| O'er the careless churchwarden's baptismal array | B |
| And sweeps at each cut generations away | B |
| By some babe of old times is his peerage resisted | B |
| - | |
| One snip and the urchin hath never existed | B |
| Does some marriage in days near the Flood interfere | B |
| With his one sublime object of being a Peer | B |
| Quick the shears at once nullify bridegroom and bride | B |
| No such people have ever lived married or died | B |
| - | |
| Such the newest receipt for those high minded elves | N |
| Who've a fancy for making great lords of themselves | N |
| Follow this young aspirer who pant'st for a peerage | O |
| Take S m for thy model and B z for thy steerage | O |
| Do all and much worse than old Nicholas Flam does | P |
| And who knows but you'll be Lord Baron of Shamdos | P |
Thomas Moore
(1)
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