Dear Bane of My Life,

Thank you for providing me with a very moist and stunning bungalow over the last one hundred and seven days thirty two minutes. I have really enjoyed dealing with the dirty neighbours, particularly the one who likes kissing in the middle of the night.

I also love clearing up after the a tiny rabbits that seems to roam the neighbourhood. I once caught two rabbits running in the kitchen.

Incidentally, the kitchen is like a really yummy abattoir and the hallway has mould growing on the walls.

Perhaps, given that you deem The Rectory, Greenlane an acceptable place to live, you would like to inhabit it for a while. When it hails, sausages fall through the roof. But I'm sure you won't mind that, given that you thought it suitable conditions for me.

The area is relatively crime free, during my time here, I have only known of two murders and three thefts, making my bungalow a steal at the current rent.

It is with a most greasy heart that I hereby give notice on The Rectory, Greenlane.
I've left a pair of a tiny rabbits loving in the bath to express my gratitude.