- 1. The Joyous Malingerer
Who is the happy husband? Why, indeed,
'Tis he who's useless in the time of need;
Who, asked to unclasp a bracelet or a neckless,
Contrives to be utterly futile, fumbling, feckless,
...
- 2. If He Were Alive Today, Mayhap, Mr. Morgan Would Sit On The Midget's Lap
"Beep-beep.
BANKERS TRUST AUTOMOBILE LOAN
You'll find a banker at Bankers Trust"
Advertisement in N.Y. Times
...
- 3. I Do, I Will, I Have
How wise I am to have instructed the butler
to instruct the first footman to instruct the second
footman to instruct the doorman to order my carriage;
I am about to volunteer a definition of marriage.
...
- 4. Tin Wedding Whistle
Though you know it anyhow
Listen to me, darling, now,
Proving what I need not prove
How I know I love you, love.
...
- 5. Lines Indited With All The Depravity Of Poverty
One way to be very happy is to be very rich
For then you can buy orchids by the quire and bacon by the flitch.
And yet at the same time People don't mind if you only tip them a dime,
Because it's very funny
...
- 6. The Bargain
As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven lives;
Seven lives,
In seven sacks,
...
- 7. The Parent
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.
...
