The Beasts' Confession Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

Rhyme Scheme: A BBCCDDEFGGHH IIJJKLMN OOPPQRSSIITUVVWW XXWWYYZZWW A2A2B2B2WWTC2A2A2D2D 2 WWE2E2F2F2G2G2H2H2I2 I2WW F2F2WWWW TJ2K2K2WWL2L2M2N2O2O 2P2P2 WWA2A2Q2Q2R2R2S2S2 T2T2WWWWU2U2H2H2 V2V2W2W2WWX2X2WWR2MN NY2Y2C2C2WWWWZ2Z2A2A 2II A2A2WWTTA3A3WWH2H2H2 H2WWB3B3TTR2R2C3C3A2 A2D3H2WWA2A2ZZE3E3WW A2A2IIR2NWW BBF3G3WWH3H3I3I3 J3J3K3L3WWWWBBNM3N3N 3Z2Z2WWWWF2F2CC

To the Priest on Observing how most Men mistake their own TalentsA
-
When beasts could speak the learned sayB
They still can do so ev'ry dayB
It seems they had religion thenC
As much as now we find in menC
It happen'd when a plague broke outD
Which therefore made them more devoutD
The king of brutes to make it plainE
Of quadrupeds I only meanF
By proclamation gave commandG
That ev'ry subject in the landG
Should to the priest confess their sinsH
And thus the pious wolf beginsH
-
Good father I must own with shameI
That often I have been to blameI
I must confess on Friday lastJ
Wretch that I was I broke my fastJ
But I defy the basest tongueK
To prove I did my neighbour wrongL
Or ever went to seek my foodM
By rapine theft or thirst of bloodN
-
The ass approaching next confess'dO
That in his heart he lov'd a jestO
A wag he was he needs must ownP
And could not let a dunce aloneP
Sometimes his friend he would not spareQ
And might perhaps be too severeR
But yet the worst that could be saidS
He was a wit both born and bredS
And if it be a sin or shameI
Nature alone must bear the blameI
One fault he hath is sorry for'tT
His ears are half a foot too shortU
Which could he to the standard bringV
He'd show his face before the KingV
Then for his voice there's none disputesW
That he's the nightingale of brutesW
-
The swine with contrite heart allow'dX
His shape and beauty made him proudX
In diet was perhaps too niceW
But gluttony was ne'er his viceW
In ev'ry turn of life contentY
And meekly took what fortune sentY
Inquire through all the parish roundZ
A better neighbour ne'er was foundZ
His vigilance might some displeaseW
'Tis true he hated sloth like peasW
-
The mimic ape began his chatterA2
How evil tongues his life bespatterA2
Much of the cens'ring world complain'dB2
Who said his gravity was feign'dB2
Indeed the strictness of his moralsW
Engag'd him in a hundred quarrelsW
He saw and he was griev'd to see'tT
His zeal was sometimes indiscreetC2
He found his virtues too severeA2
For our corrupted times to bearA2
Yet such a lewd licentious ageD2
Might well excuse a Stoic's rageD2
-
The goat advanc'd with decent paceW
And first excus'd his youthful faceW
Forgiveness begg'd that he appear'dE2
'Twas nature's fault without a beardE2
'Tis true he was not much inclin'dF2
To fondness for the female kindF2
Not as his enemies objectG2
From chance or natural defectG2
Not by his frigid constitutionH2
But through a pious resolutionH2
For he had made a holy vowI2
Of chastity as monks do nowI2
Which he resolv'd to keep for ever henceW
As strictly too as doth his ReverenceW
-
Apply the tale and you shall findF2
How just it suits with human kindF2
Some faults we own but can you guessW
Why virtues carried to excessW
Wherewith our vanity endows usW
Though neither foe nor friend allows usW
-
The lawyer swears you may rely on'tT
He never squeez'd a needy clientJ2
And this he makes his constant ruleK2
For which his brethren call him foolK2
His conscience always was so niceW
He freely gave the poor adviceW
By which he lost he may affirmL2
A hundred fees last Easter termL2
While others of the learned robeM2
Would break the patience of a JobN2
No pleader at the bar could matchO2
His diligence and quick dispatchO2
Ne'er kept a cause he well may boastP2
Above a term or two at mostP2
-
The cringing knave who seeks a placeW
Without success thus tells his caseW
Why should he longer mince the matterA2
He fail'd because he could not flatterA2
He had not learn'd to turn his coatQ2
Nor for a party give his voteQ2
His crime he quickly understoodR2
Too zealous for the nation's goodR2
He found the ministers resent itS2
Yet could not for his heart repent itS2
-
The chaplain vows he cannot fawnT2
Though it would raise him to the lawnT2
He pass'd his hours among his booksW
You find it in his meagre looksW
He might if he were worldly wiseW
Preferment get and spare his eyesW
But own'd he had a stubborn spiritU2
That made him trust alone in meritU2
Would rise by merit to promotionH2
Alas a mere chimeric notionH2
-
The doctor if you will believe himV2
Confess'd a sin and God forgive himV2
Call'd up at midnight ran to saveW2
A blind old beggar from the graveW2
But see how Satan spreads his snaresW
He quite forgot to say his prayersW
He cannot help it for his heartX2
Sometimes to act the parson's partX2
Quotes from the Bible many a sentenceW
That moves his patients to repentanceW
And when his med'cines do no goodR2
Supports their minds with heav'nly foodM
At which however well intendedN
He hears the clergy are offendedN
And grown so bold behind his backY2
To call him hypocrite and quackY2
In his own church he keeps a seatC2
Says grace before and after meatC2
And calls without affecting airsW
His household twice a day to prayersW
He shuns apothecaries' shopsW
And hates to cram the sick with slopsW
He scorns to make his art a tradeZ2
Nor bribes my lady's fav'rite maidZ2
Old nurse keepers would never hireA2
To recommend him to the squireA2
Which others whom he will not nameI
Have often practis'd to their shameI
-
The statesman tells you with a sneerA2
His fault is to be too sincereA2
And having no sinister endsW
Is apt to disoblige his friendsW
The nation's good his master's gloryT
Without regard to Whig or ToryT
Were all the schemes he had in viewA3
Yet he was seconded by fewA3
Though some had spread a hundred liesW
'Twas he defeated the ExciseW
'Twas known though he had borne aspersionH2
That standing troops were his aversionH2
His practice was in ev'ry stationH2
To serve the King and please the nationH2
Though hard to find in ev'ry caseW
The fittest man to fill a placeW
His promises he ne'er forgotB3
But took memorials on the spotB3
His enemies for want of charityT
Said he affected popularityT
'Tis true the people understoodR2
That all he did was for their goodR2
Their kind affections he has triedC3
No love is lost on either sideC3
He came to Court with fortune clearA2
Which now he runs out ev'ry yearA2
Must at the rate that he goes onD3
Inevitably be undoneH2
Oh if his Majesty would pleaseW
To give him but a writ of easeW
Would grant him licence to retireA2
As it hath long been his desireA2
By fair accounts it would be foundZ
He's poorer by ten thousand poundZ
He owns and hopes it is no sinE3
He ne'er was partial to his kinE3
He thought it base for men in stationsW
To crowd the Court with their relationsW
His country was his dearest motherA2
And ev'ry virtuous man his brotherA2
Through modesty or awkward shameI
For which he owns himself to blameI
He found the wisest man he couldR2
Without respect to friends or bloodN
Nor ever acts on private viewsW
When he hath liberty to chooseW
-
The sharper swore he hated playB
Except to pass an hour awayB
And well he might for to his costF3
By want of skill he always lostG3
He heard there was a club of cheatsW
Who had contriv'd a thousand featsW
Could change the stock or cog a dieH3
And thus deceive the sharpest eyeH3
Nor wonder how his fortune sunkI3
His brothers fleece him when he's drunkI3
-
I own the moral not exactJ3
Besides the tale is false in factJ3
And so absurd that could I raise upK3
From fields Elysian fabling AesopL3
I would accuse him to his faceW
For libelling the four foot raceW
Creatures of ev'ry kind but oursW
Well comprehend their natural pow'rsW
While we whom reason ought to swayB
Mistake our talents ev'ry dayB
The ass was never known so stupidN
To act the part of Tray or CupidM3
Nor leaps upon his master's lapN3
There to be strok'd and fed with papN3
As Aesop would the world persuadeZ2
He better understands his tradeZ2
Nor comes whene'er his lady whistlesW
But carries loads and feeds on thistlesW
Our author's meaning I presume isW
A creature bipes et implumisW
Wherein the moralist design'dF2
A compliment on human kindF2
For here he owns that now and thenC
Beasts may degenerate into menC

Jonathan Swift



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