The Beasts' Confession Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis
Rhyme Scheme: A BBCCDDEFGGHH IIJJKLMN OOPPQRSSIITUVVWW XXWWYYZZWW A2A2B2B2WWTC2A2A2D2D 2 WWE2E2F2F2G2G2H2H2I2 I2WW F2F2WWWW TJ2K2K2WWL2L2M2N2O2O 2P2P2 WWA2A2Q2Q2R2R2S2S2 T2T2WWWWU2U2H2H2 V2V2W2W2WWX2X2WWR2MN NY2Y2C2C2WWWWZ2Z2A2A 2II A2A2WWTTA3A3WWH2H2H2 H2WWB3B3TTR2R2C3C3A2 A2D3H2WWA2A2ZZE3E3WW A2A2IIR2NWW BBF3G3WWH3H3I3I3 J3J3K3L3WWWWBBNM3N3N 3Z2Z2WWWWF2F2CCTo the Priest on Observing how most Men mistake their own Talents | A |
- | |
When beasts could speak the learned say | B |
They still can do so ev'ry day | B |
It seems they had religion then | C |
As much as now we find in men | C |
It happen'd when a plague broke out | D |
Which therefore made them more devout | D |
The king of brutes to make it plain | E |
Of quadrupeds I only mean | F |
By proclamation gave command | G |
That ev'ry subject in the land | G |
Should to the priest confess their sins | H |
And thus the pious wolf begins | H |
- | |
Good father I must own with shame | I |
That often I have been to blame | I |
I must confess on Friday last | J |
Wretch that I was I broke my fast | J |
But I defy the basest tongue | K |
To prove I did my neighbour wrong | L |
Or ever went to seek my food | M |
By rapine theft or thirst of blood | N |
- | |
The ass approaching next confess'd | O |
That in his heart he lov'd a jest | O |
A wag he was he needs must own | P |
And could not let a dunce alone | P |
Sometimes his friend he would not spare | Q |
And might perhaps be too severe | R |
But yet the worst that could be said | S |
He was a wit both born and bred | S |
And if it be a sin or shame | I |
Nature alone must bear the blame | I |
One fault he hath is sorry for't | T |
His ears are half a foot too short | U |
Which could he to the standard bring | V |
He'd show his face before the King | V |
Then for his voice there's none disputes | W |
That he's the nightingale of brutes | W |
- | |
The swine with contrite heart allow'd | X |
His shape and beauty made him proud | X |
In diet was perhaps too nice | W |
But gluttony was ne'er his vice | W |
In ev'ry turn of life content | Y |
And meekly took what fortune sent | Y |
Inquire through all the parish round | Z |
A better neighbour ne'er was found | Z |
His vigilance might some displease | W |
'Tis true he hated sloth like peas | W |
- | |
The mimic ape began his chatter | A2 |
How evil tongues his life bespatter | A2 |
Much of the cens'ring world complain'd | B2 |
Who said his gravity was feign'd | B2 |
Indeed the strictness of his morals | W |
Engag'd him in a hundred quarrels | W |
He saw and he was griev'd to see't | T |
His zeal was sometimes indiscreet | C2 |
He found his virtues too severe | A2 |
For our corrupted times to bear | A2 |
Yet such a lewd licentious age | D2 |
Might well excuse a Stoic's rage | D2 |
- | |
The goat advanc'd with decent pace | W |
And first excus'd his youthful face | W |
Forgiveness begg'd that he appear'd | E2 |
'Twas nature's fault without a beard | E2 |
'Tis true he was not much inclin'd | F2 |
To fondness for the female kind | F2 |
Not as his enemies object | G2 |
From chance or natural defect | G2 |
Not by his frigid constitution | H2 |
But through a pious resolution | H2 |
For he had made a holy vow | I2 |
Of chastity as monks do now | I2 |
Which he resolv'd to keep for ever hence | W |
As strictly too as doth his Reverence | W |
- | |
Apply the tale and you shall find | F2 |
How just it suits with human kind | F2 |
Some faults we own but can you guess | W |
Why virtues carried to excess | W |
Wherewith our vanity endows us | W |
Though neither foe nor friend allows us | W |
- | |
The lawyer swears you may rely on't | T |
He never squeez'd a needy client | J2 |
And this he makes his constant rule | K2 |
For which his brethren call him fool | K2 |
His conscience always was so nice | W |
He freely gave the poor advice | W |
By which he lost he may affirm | L2 |
A hundred fees last Easter term | L2 |
While others of the learned robe | M2 |
Would break the patience of a Job | N2 |
No pleader at the bar could match | O2 |
His diligence and quick dispatch | O2 |
Ne'er kept a cause he well may boast | P2 |
Above a term or two at most | P2 |
- | |
The cringing knave who seeks a place | W |
Without success thus tells his case | W |
Why should he longer mince the matter | A2 |
He fail'd because he could not flatter | A2 |
He had not learn'd to turn his coat | Q2 |
Nor for a party give his vote | Q2 |
His crime he quickly understood | R2 |
Too zealous for the nation's good | R2 |
He found the ministers resent it | S2 |
Yet could not for his heart repent it | S2 |
- | |
The chaplain vows he cannot fawn | T2 |
Though it would raise him to the lawn | T2 |
He pass'd his hours among his books | W |
You find it in his meagre looks | W |
He might if he were worldly wise | W |
Preferment get and spare his eyes | W |
But own'd he had a stubborn spirit | U2 |
That made him trust alone in merit | U2 |
Would rise by merit to promotion | H2 |
Alas a mere chimeric notion | H2 |
- | |
The doctor if you will believe him | V2 |
Confess'd a sin and God forgive him | V2 |
Call'd up at midnight ran to save | W2 |
A blind old beggar from the grave | W2 |
But see how Satan spreads his snares | W |
He quite forgot to say his prayers | W |
He cannot help it for his heart | X2 |
Sometimes to act the parson's part | X2 |
Quotes from the Bible many a sentence | W |
That moves his patients to repentance | W |
And when his med'cines do no good | R2 |
Supports their minds with heav'nly food | M |
At which however well intended | N |
He hears the clergy are offended | N |
And grown so bold behind his back | Y2 |
To call him hypocrite and quack | Y2 |
In his own church he keeps a seat | C2 |
Says grace before and after meat | C2 |
And calls without affecting airs | W |
His household twice a day to prayers | W |
He shuns apothecaries' shops | W |
And hates to cram the sick with slops | W |
He scorns to make his art a trade | Z2 |
Nor bribes my lady's fav'rite maid | Z2 |
Old nurse keepers would never hire | A2 |
To recommend him to the squire | A2 |
Which others whom he will not name | I |
Have often practis'd to their shame | I |
- | |
The statesman tells you with a sneer | A2 |
His fault is to be too sincere | A2 |
And having no sinister ends | W |
Is apt to disoblige his friends | W |
The nation's good his master's glory | T |
Without regard to Whig or Tory | T |
Were all the schemes he had in view | A3 |
Yet he was seconded by few | A3 |
Though some had spread a hundred lies | W |
'Twas he defeated the Excise | W |
'Twas known though he had borne aspersion | H2 |
That standing troops were his aversion | H2 |
His practice was in ev'ry station | H2 |
To serve the King and please the nation | H2 |
Though hard to find in ev'ry case | W |
The fittest man to fill a place | W |
His promises he ne'er forgot | B3 |
But took memorials on the spot | B3 |
His enemies for want of charity | T |
Said he affected popularity | T |
'Tis true the people understood | R2 |
That all he did was for their good | R2 |
Their kind affections he has tried | C3 |
No love is lost on either side | C3 |
He came to Court with fortune clear | A2 |
Which now he runs out ev'ry year | A2 |
Must at the rate that he goes on | D3 |
Inevitably be undone | H2 |
Oh if his Majesty would please | W |
To give him but a writ of ease | W |
Would grant him licence to retire | A2 |
As it hath long been his desire | A2 |
By fair accounts it would be found | Z |
He's poorer by ten thousand pound | Z |
He owns and hopes it is no sin | E3 |
He ne'er was partial to his kin | E3 |
He thought it base for men in stations | W |
To crowd the Court with their relations | W |
His country was his dearest mother | A2 |
And ev'ry virtuous man his brother | A2 |
Through modesty or awkward shame | I |
For which he owns himself to blame | I |
He found the wisest man he could | R2 |
Without respect to friends or blood | N |
Nor ever acts on private views | W |
When he hath liberty to choose | W |
- | |
The sharper swore he hated play | B |
Except to pass an hour away | B |
And well he might for to his cost | F3 |
By want of skill he always lost | G3 |
He heard there was a club of cheats | W |
Who had contriv'd a thousand feats | W |
Could change the stock or cog a die | H3 |
And thus deceive the sharpest eye | H3 |
Nor wonder how his fortune sunk | I3 |
His brothers fleece him when he's drunk | I3 |
- | |
I own the moral not exact | J3 |
Besides the tale is false in fact | J3 |
And so absurd that could I raise up | K3 |
From fields Elysian fabling Aesop | L3 |
I would accuse him to his face | W |
For libelling the four foot race | W |
Creatures of ev'ry kind but ours | W |
Well comprehend their natural pow'rs | W |
While we whom reason ought to sway | B |
Mistake our talents ev'ry day | B |
The ass was never known so stupid | N |
To act the part of Tray or Cupid | M3 |
Nor leaps upon his master's lap | N3 |
There to be strok'd and fed with pap | N3 |
As Aesop would the world persuade | Z2 |
He better understands his trade | Z2 |
Nor comes whene'er his lady whistles | W |
But carries loads and feeds on thistles | W |
Our author's meaning I presume is | W |
A creature bipes et implumis | W |
Wherein the moralist design'd | F2 |
A compliment on human kind | F2 |
For here he owns that now and then | C |
Beasts may degenerate into men | C |
Jonathan Swift
(1)
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