My Lady's[1] Lamentation And Complaint Against The Dean Poem Rhyme Scheme

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Jonathan Swift

My Lady's[1] Lamentation And Complaint Against The Dean Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

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JULY	A
	-
Sure never did man see	B
A wretch like poor Nancy	B
So teazed day and night	C
By a Dean and a Knight	C
To punish my sins	D
Sir Arthur begins	D
And gives me a wipe	E
With Skinny and Snipe	E
His malice is plain	F
Hallooing the Dean	G
	-
The Dean never stops	H
When he opens his chops	H
I'm quite overrun	I
With rebus and pun	I
Before he came here	J
To spunge for good cheer	K
I sat with delight	C
From morning till night	C
With two bony thumbs	L
Could rub my old gums	L
Or scratching my nose	M
And jogging my toes	M
But at present forsooth	N
I must not rub a tooth	N
When my elbows he sees	O
Held up by my knees	O
My arms like two props	H
Supporting my chops	H
And just as I handle 'em	P
Moving all like a pendulum	P
He trips up my props	H
And down my chin drops	H
From my head to my heels	Q
Like a clock without wheels	Q
I sink in the spleen	G
A useless machine	G
If he had his will	R
I should never sit still	R
He comes with his whims	S
I must move my limbs	S
I cannot be sweet	T
Without using my feet	T
To lengthen my breath	N
He tires me to death	N
By the worst of all squires	U
Thro' bogs and thro' briers	U
Where a cow would be startled	V
I'm in spite of my heart led	W
And say what I will	R
Haul'd up every hill	R
Till daggled and tatter'd	X
My spirits quite shatter'd	X
I return home at night	C
And fast out of spite	C
For I'd rather be dead	W
Than it e'er should be said	W
I was better for him	Y
In stomach or limb	Y
But now to my diet	Z
No eating in quiet	Z
He's still finding fault	A2
Too sour or too salt	A2
The wing of a chick	B2
I hardly can pick	B2
But trash without measure	C2
I swallow with pleasure	C2
Next for his diversion	I
He rails at my person	I
What court breeding this is	U
He takes me to pieces	U
From shoulder to flank	D2
I'm lean and am lank	D2
My nose long and thin	E2
Grows down to my chin	E2
My chin will not stay	F2
But meets it halfway	F2
My fingers prolix	U
Are ten crooked sticks	U
He swears my el bows	U
Are two iron crows	U
Or sharp pointed rocks	U
And wear out my smocks	U
To 'scape them Sir Arthur	C2
Is forced to lie farther	C2
Or his sides they would gore	G2
Like the tusks of a boar	G2
Now changing the scene	G
But still to the Dean	G
He loves to be bitter at	H2
A lady illiterate	Z
If he sees her but once	U
He'll swear she's a dunce	U
Can tell by her looks	U
A hater of books	U
Thro' each line of her face	U
Her folly can trace	U
Which spoils every feature	C2
Bestow'd her by nature	C2
But sense gives a grace	U
To the homeliest face	U
Wise books and reflection	I
Will mend the complexion	I
A civil divine	I2
I suppose meaning mine	I2
No lady who wants them	J2
Can ever be handsome	P
I guess well enough	K2
What he means by this stuff	K2
He haws and he hums	U
At last out it comes	U
What madam No walking	L2
No reading nor talking	L2
You're now in your prime	M2
Make use of your time	M2
Consider before	G2
You come to threescore	G2
How the hussies will fleer	G2
Where'er you appear	G2
That silly old puss	U
Would fain be like us	U
What a figure she made	N2
In her tarnish'd brocade	N2
And then he grows mild	O2
Come be a good child	O2
If you are inclined	P2
To polish your mind	P2
Be adored by the men	Q2
Till threescore and ten	Q2
And kill with the spleen	G
The jades of sixteen	G
I'll show you the way	F2
Read six hours a day	F2
The wits will frequent ye	B
And think you but twenty	B
To make you learn faster	G2
I'll be your schoolmaster	G2
And leave you to choose	U
The books you peruse	U
Thus was I drawn in	E2
Forgive me my sin	E2
At breakfast he'll ask	R2
An account of my task	R2
Put a word out of joint	S2
Or miss but a point	S2
He rages and frets	U
His manners forgets	U
And as I am serious	U
Is very imperious	U
No book for delight	C
Must come in my sight	C
But instead of new plays	U
Dull Bacon's Essays	U
And pore every day on	T2
That nasty Pantheon	T2
If I be not a drudge	U2
Let all the world judge	U2
'Twere better be blind	P2
Than thus be confined	P2
But while in an ill tone	V2
I murder poor Milton	I
The Dean you will swear	G2
Is at study or prayer	G2
He's all the day sauntering	R2
With labourers bantering	R2
Among his colleagues	U
A parcel of Teagues	U
Whom he brings in among us	U
And bribes with mundungus	U
He little believes	U
How they laugh in their sleeves	U
Hail fellow well met	W2
All dirty and wet	W2
Find out if you can	X2
Who's master who's man	X2
Who makes the best figure	G2
The Dean or the digger	G2
And which is the best	Y2
At cracking a jest	Y2
Now see how he sits	U
Perplexing his wits	U
In search of a motto	Z2
To fix on his grotto	Z2
How proudly he talks	U
Of zigzags and walks	U
And all the day raves	U
Of cradles and caves	U
And boasts of his feats	U
His grottos and seats	U
Shows all his gewgaws	U
And gapes for applause	U
A fine occupation	I
For one in his station	I
A hole where a rabbit	Z
Would scorn to inhabit	Z
Dug out in an hour	G2
He calls it a bower	G2
But O how we laugh	A3
To see a wild calf	A3
Come driven by heat	T
And foul the green seat	T
Or run helter skelter	G2
To his arbour for shelter	G2
Where all goes to ruin	I
The Dean has been doing	R2
The girls of the village	U2
Come flocking for pillage	B3
Pull down the fine briers	U
And thorns to make fires	U
But yet are so kind	P2
To leave something behind	P2
No more need be said on't	B
I smell when I tread on't	B
Dear friend Doctor Jinny	I
If I could but win ye	B
Or Walmsley or Whaley	B
To come hither daily	B
Since fortune my foe	Z2
Will needs have it so	Z2
That I'm by her frowns	U
Condemn'd to black gowns	U
No squire to be found	C3
The neighbourhood round	C3
For under the rose	U
I would rather choose those	U
If your wives will permit ye	B
Come here out of pity	B
To ease a poor lady	B
And beg her a play day	F2
So may you be seen	I
No more in the spleen	I
May Walmsley give wine	I
Like a hearty divine	I
May Whaley disgrace	U
Dull Daniel's whey face	U
And may your three spouses	U
Let you lie at friends' houses	U