Mr Woolin-Wister was assistant at the store,
He had an air of breeding, and the kind of clothes he wore
Were very, very natty and exceedingly correct;
For every single day he was habitually decked
In the very latest fashion; and he had a roving eye
That wakened many a smile demure and many a gentle sigh.
For, whenever he sought to 'twit' them, then the ladies straight began:
'Now, Mr Woolin-Wister! Oo, you are a naughty man!'

He wore a wide straw-decker with a pretty colored band;
His pants - the shepherd plaid ones - were the tightest in the land,
He wore a braided coat, with vest - in summer-time a sash -
And a set of heavy sideboards and a very large moustache;
His hair combed on his forehead in a very genteel 'slick,'
He made just the perfect masher with his silver-headed stick,
And thro' the street, when he walked out, the female titters ran:
'There is Mr Woolin-Wister. Oo, he is a saucy man!'

His linen is immaculate. His broad stiff-bosomed shirt
Upheld a three-inch collar; and he was a fearful flirt.
For he flirted with the matrons and he flirted with the maids;
At conversation lollies he was boldest of the blades;
For the things he used to pass them at a soiree or a dance
Caused many a maiden blush to glow and many a downward glance;
Yet many a maiden giggled, as she peeped behind her fan:
'Fie, Mr Woolin-Wister! Oo, you are a forward man!'

When last I saw the old town I went into the store,
And there was Mr Woolin-Wister - still a bachelor.
His pate was bald, his eye was dull, his grey moustache was clipped,
And his general demeanour seemed considerably hipped.
Then a lady (rather elderly) came tripping in the shop,
And Mr Woolin-Wister let all other matters drop.
Then she gushed and then she giggled as the persiflage began:
'Now, Mr Woolin-Wister! Oo, you are an awful man!'