I was 9yrs old when I sold my nudity to a man 10 yrs older for some yellow candy.
As he stripped my pink princess dress off, I was no longer my red cheeks or my big brown eyes.
For him, I was a pink vagina. I was my ungrown breasts, I was my pink nipples.
An innocent 9yr old was just another naked, female body.
And yet, I smiled. I smiled and smiled and said yes, cuz that's what you're supposed to do, right?
Say yes and smile to any man who sugarcoats words and offers them to you like candies, and calls you the prettiest little girl, in the world.

Seven years later, riding my bike through the mustard fields, the day suddenly blinds me.
And the image of him, his face, my yellow dress at the corner suddenly reminds me
As the image of him pushing my head against the wall
As he unzipped his blue jeans, as he entered inside me,
As he pulled my hair from behind, as he turned my head and whispered,
"You are a very good girl, You won't tell anyone about this, right?"

Ever since, I've started hating the colors, I've stopped getting up early to see sunrise.
The orange reminds me of the sweater I've worn for the first time he touched me.
I've caught all the roses, the red reminds me of him
As he grabbed my breasts , as he pulled back wiping the blood from my lips,
As he sucked the life out of mine.
I hate the green grasses that remind me of his evil green eyes, his pastel green bedroom walls.
I hate the sunset, they remind me of everything I've lost.
My innocence, my dignity, that cold december night, I've lost my body.

Ever since I've colored my house green, now I love my bedroom, lifeless garden.
I cannot stand the sunlight, I've put on thick drapes
And I always make sure that the curtains are shut.
I hate the mirrors, they're liars, they see me as my curvy silhouettes
But I'm just my skin and bones.
I don't have curves, I have sharp edges.
But loneliness always comes in grey or black.
I've found my solace in darkness, it feels like my home now.

Until one day, when I was 21 yrs old now.
Suddenly I read a book and it said,
"We accept the love we think we deserve"
As the echo of my voice said,
"You deserve better, you deserve better" I deserve better.

I woke up the next morning just in time to see the sunlight,
As I found enough courage in me to open the drapes,
As the first rays of the sun hit me,
In the mirror I saw,
For the first time in forever I accepted myself.
I was all my experiences, my memories,
I was all the reds and the blues and the yellows and I was a RAINBOW.
I WAS BEAUTIFUL,
I AM BEAUTIFUL.