Mr. Fink's Debating Donkey Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

Rhyme Scheme: AABBCCDDEEFFGGHH EEIICCJ KKLLMMNN BBOPJJHHQ RRSSTTUUM VVW NNXXYYXXZZA2 BBXXXXB2B2GG XXBBB

Of a person known as Peters I will humbly crave your leaveA
An unusual adventure into narrative to weaveA
Mr William Perry Peters of the town of MuscatelB
A public educator and an orator as wellB
Mr Peters had a weakness which 'tis painful to relateC
Was a strong predisposition to the pleasures of debateC
He would foster disputation wheresoever he might beD
In polygonal contention none so happy was as heD
'Twas observable however that the exercises ranE
Into monologue by Peters that rhetorical young manE
And the Muscatelian rustics who assisted at the showF
By involuntary silence testified their overthrowF
Mr Peters all unheedful of their silence and their griefG
Still effacing every vestige of erroneous beliefG
O he was a sore affliction to all heretics so boldH
As to entertain opinions that he didn't care to holdH
-
One day 't was in pursuance of a pedagogic planE
For the mental elevation of Uncultivated ManE
Mr Peters to his pupils in dismissing them explainedI
That the Friday evening following unless indeed it rainedI
Would be signalized by holding in the schoolhouse a debateC
Free to all who their opinions might desire to ventilateC
On the question 'Which is better as a serviceable giftJ
Speech or hearing from barbarity the human mind to lift '-
The pupils told their fathers who forehanded always metK
At the barroom to discuss it every evening dry or wetK
They argued it and argued it and spat upon the stoveL
And the non committal 'barkeep' on their differences throveL
And I state it as a maxim in a loosish kind of wayM
You'll have the more to back your word the less you have to sayM
Public interest was lively but one Ebenezer FinkN
Of the Rancho del Jackrabbit only seemed to sit and thinkN
-
On the memorable evening all the men of MuscatelB
Came to listen to the logic and the eloquence as wellB
All but William Perry Peters whose attendance there I fearO
Was to wreak his ready rhetoric upon the public earP
And prove whichever side he took that hearing wouldn't liftJ
The human mind as ably as the other greater giftJ
The judges being chosen and the disputants enrolledH
The question he proceeded in extenso to unfoldH
' Resolved The sense of hearing lifts the mind up out of reachQ
Of the fogs of error better than the faculty of speech '-
This simple proposition he expounded word by wordR
Until they best understood it who least perfectly had heardR
Even the judges comprehended as he ventured to explainS
The impact of a spit ball admonishing in vainS
Beginning at a period before Creation's mornT
He had reached the bounds of tolerance and Adam yet unbornT
As down the early centuries of pre historic timeU
He tracked important principles and quoted striking rhymeU
And Whisky Bill prosaic soul proclaiming him a jayM
Had risen and like an earthquake 'reeled unheededly away '-
And a late lamented cat when opportunity should serveV
Was preparing to embark upon her parabolic curveV
A noise arose outside the door was opened with a bangW
And old Ebenezer Fink was heard ejaculating 'G'lang '-
Straight into that assembly gravely marched without a winkN
An ancient ass the property it was of Mr FinkN
Its ears depressed and beating time to its infestive treadX
Silent through silence moved amain that stately quadrupedX
It stopped before the orator and in the lamplight thrownY
Upon its tail they saw that member weighted with a stoneY
Then spake old Ebenezer 'Gents I heern o' this debateX
On w'ether v'ice or y'ears is best the mind to elevateX
Now 'yer's a bird ken throw some light uponto that tough themeZ
He has 'em both I'm free to say oncommonly extremeZ
He wa'n't invited for to speak but he will not refuseA2
If t'other gentleman ken wait to exposay his views '-
-
Ere merriment or anger o'er amazement could prevailB
He cut the string that held the stone on that canary's tailB
Freed from the weight that member made a gesture of delightX
Then rose until its rigid length was horizontal quiteX
With lifted head and level ears along his withers laidX
Jack sighed refilled his lungs and then to put it mildly brayedX
He brayed until the stones were stirred in circumjacent hillsB2
And sleeping women rose and fled in divers kinds of frillsB2
'T is said that awful bugle blast to make the story briefG
Wafted William Perry Peters through the window like a leafG
-
Such is the tale If anything additional occurredX
'Tis not set down though truly I remember to have heardX
That a gentleman named Peters now residing at SoquelB
A considerable distance from the town of MuscatelB
Is opposed to education and to rhetoric as wellB

Ambrose Bierce



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