Phrenology Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

Rhyme Scheme: ABAB CDCD EFEF CGCG HIHI JIJI IIII IKIK LMLM ININ OIOI PIPI QIQI RSR RTRT UIUI IIII VIVI WXWX MIMI GYGU MIMI

COME collar this bad manA
Around the throat he knotted meB
Till I to choke beganA
In point of fact garotted meB
-
So spake SIR HERBERT WRITEC
To JAMES Policeman Thirty twoD
All ruffled with his fightC
SIR HERBERT was and dirty tooD
-
Policeman nothing saidE
Though he had much to say on itF
But from the bad man's headE
He took the cap that lay on itF
-
No great SIR HERBERT WHITEC
Impossible to take him upG
This man is honest quiteC
Wherever did you rake him upG
-
For Burglars Thieves and CoH
Indeed I'm no apologistI
But I some years agoH
Assisted a PhrenologistI
-
Observe his various bumpsJ
His head as I uncover itI
His morals lie in lumpsJ
All round about and over itI
-
Now take him said SIR WHITEI
Or you will soon be rueing itI
Bless me I must be rightI
I caught the fellow doing itI
-
Policeman calmly smiledI
Indeed you are mistaken sirK
You're agitated riledI
And very badly shaken sirK
-
Sit down and I'll explainL
My system of PhrenologyM
A second please remainL
A second is horologyM
-
Policeman left his beatI
The Bart no longer furiousN
Sat down upon a seatI
Observing This is curiousN
-
Oh surely here are signsO
Should soften your rigidityI
This gentleman combinesO
Politeness with timidityI
-
Of Shyness here's a lumpP
A hole for AnimosityI
And like my fist his bumpP
Of ImpecuniosityI
-
Just here the bump appearsQ
Of Innocent HilarityI
And just behind his earsQ
Are Faith and Hope and CharityI
-
He of true Christian waysR
As bright example sent us isS
This maxim he obeysR
'SORTE TUA CONTENTUS SIS '-
-
There let him go his waysR
He needs no stern admonishingT
The Bart in blank amazeR
Exclaimed This is astonishingT
-
I MUST have made a mullU
This matter I've been blind in itI
Examine please MY skullU
And tell me what you find in itI
-
That Crusher looked and saidI
With unimpaired urbanityI
SIR HERBERT you've a headI
That teems with inhumanityI
-
Here's Murder Envy StrifeV
Propensity to kill anyI
And Lies as large as lifeV
And heaps of Social VillanyI
-
Here's Love of Brand New ClothesW
Embezzling Arson DeismX
A taste for Slang and OathsW
And Fraudulent TrusteeismX
-
Here's Love of Groundless ChargeM
Here's Malice too and TrickeryI
Unusually largeM
Your bump of Pocket PickeryI
-
Stop said the Bart my cupG
Is full I'm worse than him in allY
Policeman take me upG
No doubt I am some criminalU
-
That Pleeceman's scorn grew largeM
Phrenology had nettled itI
He took that Bart in chargeM
I don't know how they settled itI

William Schwenck Gilbert



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