Mister William Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

Rhyme Scheme: AABB CCDD EEFF GGHH IIJJ KKLL HHMM HHNN OOPP QQRR HHSS TTUU TTVV KKWW HHTT XXCC HHYY HHHH ZZHH SSTT HHA2A2 HHB2C2

OH listen to the tale of MISTER WILLIAM if you pleaseA
Whom naughty naughty judges sent away beyond the seasA
He forged a party's will which caused anxiety and strifeB
Resulting in his getting penal servitude for lifeB
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He was a kindly goodly man and naturally proneC
Instead of taking others' gold to give away his ownC
But he had heard of Vice and longed for only once to strikeD
To plan ONE little wickedness to see what it was likeD
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He argued with himself and said A spotless man am IE
I can't be more respectable however hard I tryE
For six and thirty years I've always been as good as goldF
And now for half an hour I'll plan infamy untoldF
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A baby who is wicked at the early age of oneG
And then reforms and dies at thirty six a spotless sonG
Is never never saddled with his babyhood's defectH
But earns from worthy men consideration and respectH
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So one who never revelled in discreditable tricksI
Until he reached the comfortable age of thirty sixI
May then for half an hour perpetrate a deed of shameJ
Without incurring permanent disgrace or even blameJ
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That babies don't commit such crimes as forgery is trueK
But little sins develop if you leave 'em to accrueK
And he who shuns all vices as successive seasons rollL
Should reap at length the benefit of so much self controlL
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The common sin of babyhood objecting to be drestH
If you leave it to accumulate at compound interestH
For anything you know may represent if you're aliveM
A burglary or murder at the age of thirty fiveM
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Still I wouldn't take advantage of this fact but be contentH
With some pardonable folly it's a mere experimentH
The greater the temptation to go wrong the less the sinN
So with something that's particularly tempting I'll beginN
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I would not steal a penny for my income's very fairO
I do not want a penny I have pennies and to spareO
And if I stole a penny from a money bag or tillP
The sin would be enormous the temptation being NILP
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But if I broke asunder all such pettifogging boundsQ
And forged a party's Will for say Five Hundred Thousand PoundsQ
With such an irresistible temptation to a haulR
Of course the sin must be infinitesimally smallR
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There's WILSON who is dying he has wealth from Stock and rentH
If I divert his riches from their natural descentH
I'm placed in a position to indulge each little whimS
So he diverted them and they in turn diverted himS
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Unfortunately though by some unpardonable flawT
Temptation isn't recognized by Britain's Common LawT
Men found him out by some peculiarity of touchU
And WILLIAM got a lifer which annoyed him very muchU
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For ah he never reconciled himself to life in gaolT
He fretted and he pined and grew dispirited and paleT
He was numbered like a cabman too which told upon him soV
That his spirits once so buoyant grew uncomfortably lowV
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And sympathetic gaolers would remark It's very trueK
He ain't been brought up common like the likes of me and youK
So they took him into hospital and gave him mutton chopsW
And chocolate and arrowroot and buns and malt and hopsW
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Kind Clergymen besides grew interested in his fateH
Affected by the details of his pitiable stateH
They waited on the Secretary somewhere in WhitehallT
Who said he would receive them any day they liked to callT
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Consider sir the hardship of this interesting caseX
A prison life brings with it something very like disgraceX
It's telling on young WILLIAM who's reduced to skin and boneC
Remember he's a gentleman with money of his ownC
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He had an ample income and of course he stands in needH
Of sherry with his dinner and his customary weedH
No delicacies now can pass his gentlemanly lipsY
He misses his sea bathing and his continental tripsY
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He says the other prisoners are commonplace and rudeH
He says he cannot relish uncongenial prison foodH
When quite a boy they taught him to distinguish Good from BadH
And other educational advantages he's hadH
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A burglar or garotter or indeed a common thiefZ
Is very glad to batten on potatoes and on beefZ
Or anything in short that prison kitchens can affordH
A cut above the diet in a common workhouse wardH
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But beef and mutton broth don't seem to suit our WILLIAM'S whimS
A boon to other prisoners a punishment to himS
It never was intended that the discipline of gaolT
Should dash a convict's spirits sir or make him thin or paleT
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Good Gracious Me that sympathetic Secretary criedH
Suppose in prison fetters MISTER WILLIAM should have diedH
Dear me of course Imprisonment for LIFE his sentence saithA2
I'm very glad you mentioned it it might have been For DeathA2
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Release him with a ticket he'll be better then no doubtH
And tell him I apologize So MISTER WILLIAM'S outH
I hope he will be careful in his manuscripts I'm sureB2
And not begin experimentalizing any moreC2

William Schwenck Gilbert



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