Baines Carew, Gentleman Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

Rhyme Scheme: ABAB CDCD EFEF GHGD ICJC AKAK ALAL MAMA NHNO PCPC QAQA RSRS FTFT UDU ACAC VWXW D DY ZAZA UTUT A2 A2B2 RC2RC2 HCDC MD2MD2

Of all the good attorneys whoA
Have placed their names upon the rollB
But few could equal BAINES CAREWA
For tender heartedness and soulB
-
Whene'er he heard a tale of woeC
From client A or client BD
His grief would overcome him soC
He'd scarce have strength to take his feeD
-
It laid him up for many daysE
When duty led him to distrainF
And serving writs although it paysE
Gave him excruciating painF
-
He made out costs distrained for rentG
Foreclosed and sued with moistened eyeH
No bill of costs could representG
The value of such sympathyD
-
No charges can approximateI
The worth of sympathy with woeC
Although I think I ought to stateJ
He did his best to make them soC
-
Of all the many clients whoA
Had mustered round his legal flagK
No single client of the crewA
Was half so dear as CAPTAIN BAGGK
-
Now CAPTAIN BAGG had bowed him toA
A heavy matrimonial yokeL
His wifey had of faults a fewA
She never could resist a jokeL
-
Her chaff at first he meekly boreM
Till unendurable it grewA
To stop this persecution soreM
I will consult my friend CAREWA
-
And when CAREW'S advice I've gotN
Divorce a mensa I shall tryH
A legal separation notN
A vinculo conjugiiO
-
Oh BAINES CAREW my woe I've keptP
A secret hitherto you knowC
And BAINES CAREW ESQUIRE he weptP
To hear that BAGG HAD any woeC
-
My case indeed is passing sadQ
My wife whom I considered trueA
With brutal conduct drives me madQ
I am appalled said BAINES CAREWA
-
What sound the matrimonial knellR
Of worthy people such as theseS
Why was I an attorney WellR
Go on to the saevitia pleaseS
-
Domestic bliss has proved my baneF
A harder case you never heardT
My wife in other matters saneF
Pretends that I'm a Dicky birdT
-
She makes me sing 'Too whit too wee '-
And stand upon a rounded stickU
And always introduces meD
To every one as 'Pretty Dick'U
-
Oh dear said weeping BAINES CAREWA
This is the direst case I knowC
I'm grieved said BAGG at paining youA
To COBB and POLTHERTHWAITE I'll goC
-
To COBB'S cold calculating earV
My gruesome sorrows I'll impartW
No stop said BAINES I'll dry my tearX
And steel my sympathetic heartW
-
She makes me perch upon a treeD
Rewarding me with 'Sweety nice '-
And threatens to exhibit meD
With four or five performing miceY
-
Restrain my tears I wish I couldZ
Said BAINES I don't know what to doA
Said CAPTAIN BAGG You're very goodZ
Oh not at all said BAINES CAREWA
-
She makes me fire a gun said BAGGU
And at a preconcerted wordT
Climb up a ladder with a flagU
Like any street performing birdT
-
She places sugar in my wayA2
In public places calls me 'Sweet '-
She gives me groundsel every dayA2
And hard canary seed to eatB2
-
Oh woe oh sad oh dire to tellR
Said BAINES Be good enough to stopC2
And senseless on the floor he fellR
With unpremeditated flopC2
-
Said CAPTAIN BAGG Well really IH
Am grieved to think it pains you soC
I thank you for your sympathyD
But hang it come I say you knowC
-
But BAINES lay flat upon the floorM
Convulsed with sympathetic sobD2
The Captain toddled off next doorM
And gave the case to MR COBBD2

William Schwenck Gilbert



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