The Editor's Guests Poem Rhyme Scheme

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The Editor sat in his sanctum his countenance furrowed with care	A
His mind at the bottom of business his feet at the top of a chair	A
His chair arm an elbow supporting his right hand upholding his head	B
His eyes on his dusty old table with different documents spread	B
There were thirty long pages from Howler with underlined capitals topped	C
And a short disquisition from Growler requesting his newspaper stopped	C
There were lyrics from Gusher the poet concerning sweet flow'rets and zephyrs	D
And a stray gem from Plodder the farmer describing a couple of heifers	D
There were billets from beautiful maidens and bills from a grocer or two	E
And his best leader hitched to a letter which inquired if he wrote it or who	E
There were raptures of praises from writers of the weakly mellifluous school	F
And one of his rival's last papers informing him he was a fool	F
There were several long resolutions with names telling whom they were by	G
Canonizing some harmless old brother who had done nothing worse than to die	G
There were traps on that table to catch him and serpents to sting and to smite him	H
There were gift enterprises to sell him and bitters attempting to bite him	H
There were long staring ads from the city and money with never a one	I
Which added Please give this insertion and send in your bill when you're done	I
There were letters from organizations their meetings their wants and their laws	J
Which said Can you print this announcement for the good of our glorious cause	K
There were tickets inviting his presence to festivals parties and shows	L
Wrapped in notes with Please give us a notice demurely slipped in at the close	M
In short as his eye took the table and ran o'er its ink spattered trash	N
There was nothing it did not encounter excepting perhaps it was cash	N
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The Editor dreamily pondered on several ponderous things	O
On different lines of action and the pulling of different strings	O
Upon some equivocal doings and some unequivocal duns	P
On how few of his numerous patrons were quietly prompt paying ones	P
On friends who subscribed just to help him and wordy encouragement lent	Q
And had given him plenty of counsel but never had paid him a cent	Q
On vinegar kind hearted people were feeding him every hour	R
Who saw not the work they were doing but wondered that printers are sour	R
On several intelligent townsmen whose kindness was so without stint	S
That they kept an eye out on his business and told him just what he should print	S
On men who had rendered him favors and never pushed forward their claims	T
So long as the paper was crowded with locals containing their names	T
On various other small matters sufficient his temper to roil	U
And finely contrived to be making the blood of an editor boil	U
And so one may see that his feelings could hardly be said to be smooth	V
And he needed some pleasant occurrence his ruffled emotions to soothe	V
He had it for lo on the threshold a slow and reliable tread	B
And a farmer invaded the sanctum and these are the words that he said	B
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Good mornin' sir Mr Printer how is your body to day	W
I'm glad you're to home for you fellers is al'ays a runnin' away	W
Your paper last week wa'n't so spicy nor sharp as the one week before	X
But I s'pose when the campaign is opened you'll be whoopin' it up to 'em more	X
That feller that's printin' The Smasher is goin' for you perty smart	Y
And our folks said this mornin' at breakfast they thought he was gettin' the start	Y
But I hushed 'em right up in a minute and said a good word for you	E
I told 'em I b'lieved you was tryin' to do just as well as you knew	E
And I told 'em that some one was sayin' and whoever 'twas it is so	Z
That you can't expect much of no one man nor blame him for what he don't know	Z
But layin' aside pleasure for business I've brought you my little boy Jim	H
And I thought I would see if you couldn't make an editor outen of him	H
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My family stock is increasin' while other folks' seems to run short	A2
I've got a right smart of a family it's one of the old fashioned sort	A2
There's Ichabod Isaac and Israel a workin' away on the farm	B2
They do 'bout as much as one good boy and make things go off like a charm	B2
There's Moses and Aaron are sly ones and slip like a couple of eels	C2
But they're tol'able steady in one thing they al'ays git round to their meals	C2
There's Peter is busy inventin' though what he invents I can't see	D2
And Joseph is studyin' medicine and both of 'em boardin' with me	D2
There's Abram and Albert is married each workin' my farm for myself	E2
And Sam smashed his nose at a shootin' and so he is laid on the shelf	E2
The rest of the boys are all growin' 'cept this little runt which is Jim	H
And I thought that perhaps I'd be makin' an editor outen o' him	H
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He ain't no great shakes for to labor though I've labored with him a good deal	F2
And give him some strappin' good arguments I know he couldn't help but to feel	F2
But he's built out of second growth timber and nothin' about him is big	G2
Exceptin' his appetite only and there he's as good as a pig	G2
I keep him a carryin' luncheons and fillin' and bringin' the jugs	H2
And take him among the pertatoes and set him to pickin' the bugs	H2
And then there is things to be doin' a helpin' the women indoors	I2
There's churnin' and washin' of dishes and other descriptions of chores	I2
But he don't take to nothin' but victuals and he'll never be much I'm afraid	J2
So I thought it would be a good notion to larn him the editor's trade	J2
His body's too small for a farmer his judgment is rather too slim	H
But I thought we perhaps could be makin' an editor outen o' him	H
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It ain't much to get up a paper it wouldn't take him long for to learn	K2
He could feed the machine I'm thinkin' with a good strappin' fellow to turn	K2
And things that was once hard in doin' is easy enough now to do	E
Just keep your eye on your machinery and crack your arrangements right through	E
I used for to wonder at readin' and where it was got up and how	L2
But 'tis most of it made by machinery I can see it all plain enough now	L2
And poetry too is constructed by machines of different designs	M2
Each one with a gauge and a chopper to see to the length of the lines	M2
And I hear a New York clairvoyant is runnin' one sleeker than grease	N2
And a rentin' her heaven born productions at a couple of dollars apiece	N2
An' since the whole trade has growed easy 'twould be easy enough I've a whim	H
If you was agreed to be makin' an editor outen of Jim	H
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The Editor sat in his sanctum and looked the old man in the eye	G
Then glanced at the grinning young hopeful and mournfully made his reply	G
Is your son a small unbound edition of Moses and Solomon both	O2
Can he compass his spirit with meekness and strangle a natural oath	O2
Can he leave all his wrongs to the future and carry his heart in his cheek	P2
Can he do an hour's work in a minute and live on a sixpence a week	P2
Can he courteously talk to an equal and browbeat an impudent dunce	N2
Can he keep things in apple pie order and do half a dozen at once	N2
Can he press all the springs of knowledge with quick and reliable touch	Q2
And be sure that he knows how much to know and knows how to not know too much	Q2
Does he know how to spur up his virtue and put a check rein on his pride	R2
Can he carry a gentleman's manners within a rhinoceros' hide	R2
Can he know all and do all and be all with cheerfulness courage and vim	H
If so we perhaps can be makin an editor 'outen of him '	-
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The farmer stood curiously listening while wonder his visage o'erspread	R2
And he said Jim I guess we'll be goin' he's probably out of his head	R2
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But lo on the rickety stair case another reliable tread	R2
And entered another old farmer and these are the words that he said	R2
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Good morning sir Mr Editor how is the folks to day	R2
I owe you for next year's paper I thought I'd come in and pay	R2
And Jones is agoin' to take it and this is his money here	S2
I shut down on lendin' it to him and coaxed him to try it a year	T2
And here is a few little items that happened last week in our town	U2
I thought they'd look good for the paper and so I just jotted 'em down	U2
And here is a basket of cherries my wife picked expressly for you	E
And a small bunch of flowers from Jennie she thought she must send somethin' too	E
You're doin' the politics bully as all of our family agree	D2
Just keep your old goose quill a floppin' and give 'em a good one for me	D2
And now you are chuck full of business and I won't be takin' your time	V2
I've things of my own I must 'tend to good day sir I b'lieve I will climb	V2
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The Editor sat in his sanctum and brought down his fist with a thump	W2
God bless that old farmer he muttered he's a regular Editor's trump	W2
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And 'tis thus with our noble profession and thus it will ever be still	X2
There are some who appreciate its labors and some who perhaps never will	X2
But in the great time that is coming when loudly the trumpet shall sound	R2
And they who have labored and rested shall come from the quivering ground	R2
When they who have striven and suffered to teach and ennoble the race	N2
Shall march at the front of the column each one in his God given place	N2
As they pass through the gates of The City with proud and victorious tread	R2
The editor printer and devil will travel not far from the head	R2

Will Carleton

The Editor's Guests Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

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