To The Glasgow Magistrates Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

Rhyme Scheme: A ABACDEFAAGHAIJKLMAAA NMOMPQRAMSMTMUMVUWOI XYZAUAA2B2EC2A2AUUAM A2PMPWAD2EAAE2AEAF2E G2F2H2E EEE

On their Proposal to Banish BarmaidsA
-
May it please your WorshipsA
For years past Glasgow has stood in the forefrontB
As a city given over to the small poxA
And magisterial reformC
It is I believeD
An exceedingly well managed cityE
In fact it appears to be managedF
Out of all reasonable existenceA
Hence no doubt it comes to passA
That it was lately visitedG
By a smart sample of the plagueH
I have not the smallest doubt that your WorshipsA
Are sincere and clean thinking menI
I believe that you do what you do do so to speakJ
Out of sheer public spiritK
And with a view to bettering the conditionL
Of the city over which you presideM
In other words I impute no motivesA
That is to say no base motivesA
But my dear WorshipsA
Why in the name of Heaven would you abolishN
The harmless necessary barmaidM
Have you never been youngO
Have you never known the tender delightM
Of whiling away a morningP
With your elbow on the zincQ
And threepennyworth of Bass before youR
What may I ask your WorshipsA
Is Bass without a barmaidM
I grant that taking them all in allS
The barmaids of ScotlandM
Are not what you might termT
An altogether bewitching lotM
Years ago when I was young and callowU
Fate threw me into the propinquityM
Of a lady of this ilkV
She hailed from GlasgowU
And she was not beautifulW
On the other hand I was youngO
And out of an income which was even slenderer thenI
Than it is nowX
I purchased for that dear lady of the NorthY
Many bottles of perfumeZ
Many pairs of kid glovesA
And a Prayer Book or soU
And when I had consumed innumerable BassesA
At her altarA2
And the time had as I thought become ripeB2
I offered her matrimonyE
To which she replied in limpid DoricC2
Gang awa hame to yer mitherA2
That my dear WorshipsA
Is GlasgowU
If you can weed out of GlasgowU
All young femalesA
Possessed of this particular kind of temperamentM
I am not so sureA2
But that you would have my blessingP
On the other hand I am free to admitM
That I hae my doots as to your capacity for so doingP
The perfume bottleW
The kid glovesA
The Prayer BookD2
And Na na na I winnaE
Will always remain the prerogativesA
Of the Glasgae lassiesA
If I know anything of themE2
Also my dear WorshipsA
One thing is absolutely certainE
That if the magistrates of all the citiesA
In the United KingdomF2
Would take the step you have takenE
We should have gone a very considerable wayG2
Towards solving the drink problemF2
And putting Sir Michael Hicks BeachH2
Into a fearful hole for moneyE
-
P S I hate Scotch menE
But I sometimes think that Scotch womenE
Are rather bonnieE

Thomas William Hodgson Crosland



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