To The Glasgow Magistrates Poem Rhyme Scheme

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On their Proposal to Banish Barmaids	A
	-
May it please your Worships	A
For years past Glasgow has stood in the forefront	B
As a city given over to the small pox	A
And magisterial reform	C
It is I believe	D
An exceedingly well managed city	E
In fact it appears to be managed	F
Out of all reasonable existence	A
Hence no doubt it comes to pass	A
That it was lately visited	G
By a smart sample of the plague	H
I have not the smallest doubt that your Worships	A
Are sincere and clean thinking men	I
I believe that you do what you do do so to speak	J
Out of sheer public spirit	K
And with a view to bettering the condition	L
Of the city over which you preside	M
In other words I impute no motives	A
That is to say no base motives	A
But my dear Worships	A
Why in the name of Heaven would you abolish	N
The harmless necessary barmaid	M
Have you never been young	O
Have you never known the tender delight	M
Of whiling away a morning	P
With your elbow on the zinc	Q
And threepennyworth of Bass before you	R
What may I ask your Worships	A
Is Bass without a barmaid	M
I grant that taking them all in all	S
The barmaids of Scotland	M
Are not what you might term	T
An altogether bewitching lot	M
Years ago when I was young and callow	U
Fate threw me into the propinquity	M
Of a lady of this ilk	V
She hailed from Glasgow	U
And she was not beautiful	W
On the other hand I was young	O
And out of an income which was even slenderer then	I
Than it is now	X
I purchased for that dear lady of the North	Y
Many bottles of perfume	Z
Many pairs of kid gloves	A
And a Prayer Book or so	U
And when I had consumed innumerable Basses	A
At her altar	A2
And the time had as I thought become ripe	B2
I offered her matrimony	E
To which she replied in limpid Doric	C2
Gang awa hame to yer mither	A2
That my dear Worships	A
Is Glasgow	U
If you can weed out of Glasgow	U
All young females	A
Possessed of this particular kind of temperament	M
I am not so sure	A2
But that you would have my blessing	P
On the other hand I am free to admit	M
That I hae my doots as to your capacity for so doing	P
The perfume bottle	W
The kid gloves	A
The Prayer Book	D2
And Na na na I winna	E
Will always remain the prerogatives	A
Of the Glasgae lassies	A
If I know anything of them	E2
Also my dear Worships	A
One thing is absolutely certain	E
That if the magistrates of all the cities	A
In the United Kingdom	F2
Would take the step you have taken	E
We should have gone a very considerable way	G2
Towards solving the drink problem	F2
And putting Sir Michael Hicks Beach	H2
Into a fearful hole for money	E
	-
P S I hate Scotch men	E
But I sometimes think that Scotch women	E
Are rather bonnie	E

Thomas William Hodgson Crosland

To The Glasgow Magistrates Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

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