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Aug	A
	-
My dear Daily Mail	B
To day you attain	C
Your th number	D
Which for the sake of talking	E
We will call your Jubilee	F
Congratulations	G
My dear Daily Mail	B
Congratulations	G
There are people in the world	H
Who	I
In the time of your infancy	F
Gave you the usual three months	J
Most new papers	K
Get three months on the day of their birth	L
For at the sight of a new sheet	M
Your wise man invariably taps his nose	N
Looks even wiser than is his wont	O
And says	P
My dear Sir	D
I give it	Q
Three months	J
Well	R
My dear Daily Mail	B
You have survived the sentence of the wise	S
And I am given to understand	T
That you have long been a tremendous property	F
Once again	U
Congratulations	G
BUT	V
These buts are fearful things	W
Are they not	X
But	V
Pray excuse me if I appear to say but again	U
But	V
Well you know what I mean don't you	I
Let me put it this way	Y
When I come to town of a morning	E
Per 'bus or Potromelitan Railway	Y
As the case may be	F
What do I see	F
Not to put too fine a point upon it	Q
I see a row of silk or straw hats	Z
According to the state of the weather	D
And I see a row	A2
Of choice trouserings	Z
And between the hats and the trouserings	Z
There is spread	B2
A row of rustling morning papers	Z
I can tell you the names of those papers	Z
With my eyes shut	V
Five out of six of them is called	C2
The Daily Mail	B
This upsets me	F
It is all right for you of course	Z
But it distresses me	F
And I do not like being distressed	D2
Now why does it distress me	F
Shall I tell you	I
Are you sure that you could bear the blow	A2
Can you pull yourself together for a moment	E2
Very well then	U
You distress me	F
Because	Z
The price of you is one halfpenny	U
I am of opinion	U
That in the present condition of the general purse	Z
Things which are sold for a halfpenny	U
Are really too cheap	F2
I will give you my reasons some other day	Y
Meanwhile	G2
To take your own case	Z
When I look into your pages	Z
Which is seldom	H2
What do I find	I2
I will be frank for the second time	J2
And tell you	I
I find	I2
My dear Daily Mail	B
Ha'pennyness	Z
Writ in every line of you	I
From the front page Personal Column	H2
With its Massa me nebber leab you	I
While you keep So and So's toffee about	K2
To the last line	U
Of your astonishing Magazine page	L2
You are	M2
Ha'pennyness	Z
Ha'pennyness	Z
Ha'pennyness	Z
Ha'pennyness	Z
Ha'pennyness	Z
Ha'pennyness	Z
All the time	J2
Of course there is no harm in that	N2
Especially	F
As you get the ha'pennies	Z
And far be it from me	F
To contemn you for it	Q
On the other hand	T
As I have remarked previously	F
I do not like it	Q
I have no advice to offer you	I
Inasmuch	O2
As I do not see how you can help yourself	P2
But I shall ask you kindly to note	Q2
That the congratulations	Z
Expressed at the beginning of this poem	H2
Bear reference to your attainment of your th number	D
And not	X
To another matter	D
Which	R2
While you certainly have the right upon your side	S2
You appear to me to be conducting	E
IN	U
AN	U
UNMITIGATED	T2
HA'PENNY	F
WAY	Y

Thomas William Hodgson Crosland

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