New Hospital For Sick Literati Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis
Rhyme Scheme: AABBAACCDDEEFFGGHIJJ KKGGLLGGMMNNLLLLOOPP QQQQRRSJGGQQGGQQTTGG UU GGVVTTTTWith all humility we beg | A |
To inform the public that Tom Tegg | A |
Known for his spunky speculations | B |
In buying up dead reputations | B |
And by a mode of galvanizing | A |
Which all must own is quite surprising | A |
Making dead authors move again | C |
As tho' they still were living men | C |
All this too managed in a trice | D |
By those two magic words Half Price | D |
Which brings the charm so quick about | E |
That worn out poets left without | E |
A second foot whereon to stand | F |
Are made to go at second hand | F |
'Twill please the public we repeat | G |
To learn that Tegg who works this feat | G |
And therefore knows what care it needs | H |
To keep alive Fame's invalids | I |
Has oped an Hospital in town | J |
For cases of knockt up renown | J |
Falls fractures dangerous Epic fits | K |
By some called Cantoes stabs from wits | K |
And of all wounds for which they're nurst | G |
Dead cuts from publishers the worst | G |
All these and other such fatalities | L |
That happen to frail immortalities | L |
By Tegg are so expertly treated | G |
That oft times when the cure's completed | G |
The patient's made robust enough | M |
To stand a few more rounds of puff | M |
Till like the ghosts of Dante's lay | N |
He's puft into thin air away | N |
As titled poets being phenomenons | L |
Don't like to mix with low and common 'uns | L |
Tegg's Hospital has separate wards | L |
Express for literary lords | L |
Where prose peers of immoderate length | O |
Are nurst when they've outgrown their strength | O |
And poets whom their friends despair of | P |
Are put to bed and taken care of | P |
- | |
Tegg begs to contradict a story | Q |
Now current both with Whig and Tory | Q |
That Doctor Warburton M P | Q |
Well known for his antipathy | Q |
His deadly hate good man to all | R |
The race of poets great and small | R |
So much that he's been heard to own | S |
He would most willingly cut down | J |
The holiest groves on Pindus' mount | G |
To turn the timber to account | G |
The story actually goes that he | Q |
Prescribes at Tegg's Infirmary | Q |
And oft not only stints for spite | G |
The patients in their copy right | G |
But that on being called in lately | Q |
To two sick poets suffering greatly | Q |
This vaticidal Doctor sent them | T |
So strong a dose of Jeremy Bentham | T |
That one of the poor bards but cried | G |
Oh Jerry Jerry and then died | G |
While t'other tho' less stuff was given | U |
Is on his road 'tis feared to heaven | U |
- | |
Of this event howe'er unpleasant | G |
Tegg means to say no more at present | G |
Intending shortly to prepare | V |
A statement of the whole affair | V |
With full accounts at the same time | T |
Of some late cases prose and rhyme | T |
Subscribed with every author's name | T |
That's now on the Sick List of Fame | T |
Thomas Moore
(1)
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