The Green Man Poem Rhyme Scheme

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Thomas Hood

The Green Man Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

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Tom Simpson was as nice a kind of man	A
As ever lived at least at number Four	B
In Austin Friars in Mrs Brown's first floor	B
At fifty pounds or thereabouts per ann	A
The Lady reckon'd him her best of lodgers	C
His rent so punctually paid each quarter	D
He did not smoke like nasty foreign codgers	C
Or play French horns like Mr Rogers	C
Or talk his flirting nonsense to her daughter	D
Not that the girl was light behaved or courtable	E
Still on one failing tenderly to touch	F
The Gentleman did like a drop too much	F
Tho' there are many such	F
And took more Port than was exactly portable	E
In fact to put the cap upon the nipple	E
And try the charge Tom certainly did tipple	E
He thought the motto was but sorry stuff	G
On Cribb's Prize Cup Yes wrong in ev'ry letter	D
That D d be he who first cries Hold Enough	G
The more cups hold and if enough the better	D
And so to set example in the eyes	C
Of Fancy's lads and give a broadish hint to them	H
All his cups were of such ample size	C
That he got into them	H
	-
Once in the company of merry mates	C
In spite of Temperance's if's and buts	C
So sure as Eating is set off with plates	C
His Drinking always was bound up with cuts	C
Howbeit such Bacchanalian revels	C
Bring very sad catastrophes about	I
Palsy Dyspepsy Dropsy and Blue Devils	C
Not to forget the Gout	I
Sometimes the liver takes a spleenful whim	J
To grow to Strasburg's regulation size	C
As if for those hepatical goose pies	C
Or out of depth the head begins to swim	J
Poor Simpson what a thing occurred to him	J
'Twas Christmas he had drunk the night before	B
Like Baxter who so went beyond his last	K
One bottle more and then one bottle more	B
Till oh the red wine Ruby con was pass'd	K
And homeward by the short small chimes of day	L
With many a circumbendibus to spare	M
For instance twice round Finsbury Square	M
To use a fitting phrase he wound his way	L
	-
Then comes the rising with repentance bitter	D
And all the nerves and sparrows in a twitter	D
Till settled by the sober Chinese cup	N
The hands o'er all are members that make motions	C
A sort of wavering just like the ocean's	C
Which has its swell too when it's getting up	N
An awkward circumstance enough for elves	C
Who shave themselves	C
And Simpson just was ready to go thro' it	O
When lo the first short glimpse within the glass	C
He jump'd and who alive would fail to do it	O
To see however it had come to pass	C
One section of his face as green as grass	C
In vain each eager wipe	P
With soap without wet hot or cold or dry	Q
Still still and still to his astonished eye	Q
One cheek was green the other cherry ripe	P
Plump in the nearest chair he sat him down	R
Quaking and quite absorb'd in a deep study	S
But verdant and not brown	R
What could have happened to a tint so ruddy	S
	-
Indeed it was a very novel case	C
By way of penalty for being jolly	S
To have that evergreen stuck in his face	C
Just like the windows with their Christmas holly	S
	-
All claret marks thought he Tom knew his forte	L
Are red this color CANNOT come from Port	T
	-
One thing was plain with such a face as his	C
'Twas quite impossible to ever greet	U
Good Mrs Brown nay any party meet	U
Altho' 'twas such a parti colored phiz	C
As for the public fancy Sarcy Ned	V
The coachman flying dog like at his head	V
With Ax your pardon Sir but if you please	C
Unless it comes too high	Q
Vere ought a feller now to go to buy	Q
The t'other half Sir of that 'ere green cheese	C
His mind recoil'd so he tied up his head	V
As with a raging tooth and took to bed	V
Of course with feelings far from the serene	W
For all his future prospects seemed to be	S
To match his customary tea	S
Black mixt with green	W
	-
Meanwhile good Mrs Brown	R
Wondered at Mr S not coming down	R
And sent the maid up stairs to learn the why	Q
To whom poor Simpson half delirious	C
Returned an answer so mysterious	C
That curiosity began to fry	Q
The more as Betty who had caught a snatch	X
By peeping in upon the patient's bed	V
Reported a most bloody tied up head	V
Got over night of course Harm watch harm catch	X
From Watchmen in a boxing match	X
	-
So liberty or not	Y
Good lodgers are too scarce to let them off in	Z
A suicidal coffin	Z
The dame ran up as fast as she could trot	Y
Appearance fiddle sticks should not deter	D
From going to the bed	V
And looking at the head	V
La Mister S he need not care for her	D
A married woman that had had	A2
Nine boys and gals and none had turned out bad	A2
Her own dear late would come home late at night	B2
And liquor always got him in a fight	B2
She'd been in hospitals she wouldn't faint	C2
At gores and gashes fingers wide and deep	D2
She knew what's good for bruises and what ain't	C2
Turlington's Drops she made a pint to keep	D2
Cases she'd seen beneath the surgent's hand	E2
Such skulls japann'd she meant to say trepann'd	E2
Poor wretches you would think they'd been in battle	E
And hadn't hours to live	F2
From tearing horses' kicks or Smithfield cattle	E
Shamefully over driv	F2
Heads forced to have a silver plate atop	G2
To get the brains to stop	G2
At imputations of the legs she'd been	Z
And neither screech'd nor cried	E2
Hereat she pluck'd the white cravat aside	E2
And lo the whole phenomenon was seen	W
Preserve us all He's going to gangrene	W
	-
Alas through Simpson's brain	H2
Shot the remark like ball with mortal pain	H2
It tallied truly with his own misgiving	I2
And brought a groan	J2
To move a heart of stone	J2
A sort of farewell to the land of living	I2
And as the case was imminent and urgent	E2
He did not make a shadow of objection	K2
To Mrs B 's proposal for a surgent	E2
But merely gave a sigh of deep dejection	K2
While down the verdant cheek a tear of grief	F2
Stole like a dew drop on a cabbage leaf	F2
	-
Swift flew the summons it was life or death	L2
And in as short a time as he could race it	E2
Came Doctor Puddicome as short of breath	L2
To try his Latin charms against Hic Jacet	E2
He took a seat beside the patient's bed	E2
Saw tongue felt pulse examined the bad cheek	M2
Poked strok'd pinch'd kneaded it hemm'd	E2
shook his head	E2
Took a long solemn pause the cause to seek	M2
Thinking it seem'd in Greek	M2
Then ask'd 'twas Christmas Had he eaten grass	C
Or greens and if the cook was so improper	D
To boil them up with copper	D
Or farthings made of brass	C
Or if he drank his Hock from dark green glass	C
Or dined at City Festivals whereat	E2
There's turtle and green fat	E2
To all of which with serious tone of woe	N2
Poor Simpson answered No	N2
Indeed he might have said in form auricular	D
Supposing Puddicome had been a monk	O2
He had not eaten he had only drunk	O2
Of anything Particular	D
The Doctor was at fault	E2
A thing so new quite brought him to a halt	E2
Cases of other colors came in crowds	C
He could have found their remedy and soon	K2
But green it sent him up among the clouds	C
As if he had gone up with Green's balloon	K2
	-
Black with Black Jaundice he had seen the skin	K2
From Yellow Jaundice yellow	N2
From saffron tints to sallow	N2
Then retrospective memory lugg'd in	K2
Old Purple Face the Host at Kentish Town	K2
East Indians without number	D
He knew familiarly by heat done Brown	K2
From tan to a burnt umber	D
Ev'n those eruptions he had never seen	K2
Of which the Caledonian Poet spoke	P2
As rashes growing green	K2
Phoo phoo a rash grow green	K2
Nothing of course but a broad Scottish joke	P2
Then as to flaming visages for those	C
The Scarlet Fever answer'd or the Rose	C
But verdant that was quite a novel stroke	P2
Men turn'd to blue by Cholera's last stage	Q2
In common practice he had really seen	K2
But Green he was too old and grave and sage	Q2
To think of the last stage to Turnham Green	K2
	-
So matters stood in doors meanwhile without	E2
Growing in going like all other rumors	C
The modern miracle was buzz'd about	E2
By people of all humors	C
Native or foreign in their dialecticals	C
Till all the neighborhood as if their noses	C
Had taken the odd gross from little Moses	C
Seemed looking thro' green spectacles	C
Green faces so they all began to comment	E2
Yes opposite to Druggists' lighted shops	C
But that's a flying color never stops	C
A bottle green that's vanish'd in a moment	E2
Green nothing of the sort occurs to mind	E2
Nothing at all to match the present piece	C
Jack in the Green has nothing of the kind	E2
Green grocers are not green nor yet green geese	C
The oldest Supercargoes or Old Sailors	C
Of such a case had never heard	E2
From Emerald Isle to Cape de Verd	E2
Or Greenland cried the whalers	C
All tongues were full of the Green Man and still	N2
They could not make him out with all their skill	N2
No soul could shape the matter head or tail	N2
But Truth steps in where all conjectures fail	N2
	-
A long half hour in needless puzzle	N2
Our Galen's cane had rubbed against his muzzle	N2
He thought and thought and thought and	E2
thought and thought	E2
And still it came to nought	E2
When up rush'd Betty loudest of Town Criers	C
Lord Ma'am the new Police is at the door	D
It's B ma'am Twenty four	D
As brought home Mister S to Austin Friars	C
And says there's nothing but a simple case	C
He got that 'ere green face	C
By sleeping in the kennel near the Dyer's	C