The Baldness Of Chewed-ear Poem Rhyme Scheme

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When Chewed ear Jenkins got hitched up to Guinneyveer McGee	A
His flowin' locks ye recollect wuz frivolous an' free	A
But in old Hymen's jack pot it's a most amazin' thing	B
Them flowin' locks jest disappeared like snow balls in the Spring	B
Jest seemed to wilt an' fade away like dead leaves in the Fall	C
An' left old Chewed ear balder than a white washed cannon ball	C
	-
Now Missis Chewed ear Jenkins that wuz Guinneyveer McGee	A
Wuz jest about as fine a draw as ever made a pair	D
But when the boys got joshin' an' suggested it was she	A
That must be inflooenshul for the old man's slump in hair	D
Why Missis Chewed ear Jenkins jest went clean up in the air	D
	-
To demonstrate sez she that night the lovin' wife I am	E
I've bought a dozen bottles of Bink's Anty Dandruff Balm	F
'Twill make yer hair jest sprout an' curl like squash vines in the sun	G
An' I'm propose to sling it on till every drop is done	G
That hit old Chewed ear's funny side so he lays back an' hollers	H
The day you raise a hair old girl you'll git a thousand dollars	H
	-
Now whether 'twas the prize or not 'tis mighty hard to say	I
But Chewed ear didn't seem to have much comfort from that day	I
With bottles of that dandruff dope she followed at his heels	J
An' sprinkled an' massaged him even when he ate his meals	J
She waked him from his beauty sleep with tender lovin' care	D
An' rubbed an' scrubbed assiduous yet never sign of hair	D
	-
Well naturally all the boys soon tumbled to the joke	K
An' at the Wow wow's Social 'twas Cold deck Davis spoke	K
The little woman's working mighty hard on Chewed ear's crown	L
Let's give her for a three fifth's share a hundred dollars down	L
We stand to make five hundred clear boys drink in whiskey straight	M
'The Chewed ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate'	M
	-
The boys wuz on an' soon chipped in the necessary dust	M
They primed up a committy to negotiate the deal	N
Then Missis Jenkins yielded bein' rather in disgust	M
An' all wuz signed an' witnessed an' invested with a seal	N
They rounded up old Chewed ear an' they broke it what they'd done	G
Allowed they'd bought an interest in his chance of raisin' hair	D
They yanked his hat off anxiouslike opinin' one by one	G
Their magnifyin' glasses showed fine prospects everywhere	D
They bought Hairlene an' Thatchem an' Jay's Capillery Juice	O
An' Seven Something Sisters an' Macassar an' Bay Rum	P
An' everyone insisted on his speshul right to sluice	O
His speshul line of lotion onto Chewed ear's cranium	P
They only got the merrier the more the old man roared	M
An' shares in Jenkins Hirsute went sky highin' on the board	M
	-
The Syndicate wuz hopeful that they'd demonstrate the pay	I
An' Missis Jenkins laboured in her perseverin' way	I
The boys discussed on surface rights an' out crops an' so on	Q
An' planned to have it crown surveyed an' blue prints of it drawn	R
They ran a base line sluiced an' yelled an' everyone wuz glad	M
Except the balance of the property an' he wuz mad	M
It gives me pain he interjects to squash yer glowin' dream	S
But you wuz fools when you got in on this here 'Hirsute' scheme	S
You'll never raise a hair on me when lo that very night	M
Preparin' to retire he got a most onpleasant fright	M
For on that shinin' dome of his so prominently bare	D
He felt the baby outcrop of a second growth of hair	D
	-
A thousand dollars Sufferin' Caesar Well it must be saved	M
He grabbed his razor recklesslike an' shaved an' shaved an' shaved	M
An' when his head was smooth again he gives a mighty sigh	T
An' sneaks away an' buys some Hair Destroyer on the sly	T
So there wuz Missis Jenkins with Restorer wagin' fight	M
An' Chewed ear with Destroyer circumventin' her at night	M
The battle wuz a mighty one his nerves wuz on the strain	U
An' yet in spite of all he did that hair began to gain	U
	-
The situation grew intense so quietly one day	I
He gave his share holders the slip an' made his get a way	I
Jest like a criminal he skipped an' aimed to defalcate	I
The Chewed ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate	I
His guilty secret burned him an' he sought the city's din	V
I've got to get a wig sez he to cover up my sin	V
It's growin' growin' night an' day it's most amazin' hair	D
An' when he looked at it that night he shuddered with despair	D
He shuddered an' suppressed a cry at what his optics seen	W
For on my word of honour boys that hair wuz growin' green	W
	-
At first he guessed he'd get some dye an' try to dye it black	X
An' then he saw 'twas Nemmysis wuz layin' on his track	X
He must jest face the music an' confess the thing he done	G
An' pay the boys an' Guinneyveer the money they had won	G
An' then there came a big idee it thrilled him like a shock	Y
Why not control the Syndicate by buyin' up the Stock	Y
	-
An' so next day he hurried back with smoothly shaven pate	I
An' for a hundred dollars he bought up the Syndicate	I
'Twas mighty frenzied finance an' the boys set up a roar	Z
But Hirsutes from the market wuz withdrawn for evermore	Z
An' to this day in Nuggetsville they tell the tale how slick	A2
The Syndicate sold out too soon and Chewed ear turned the trick	A2

Robert Service

The Baldness Of Chewed-ear Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

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