The Stethoscope Song - A Professional Ballad Poem Rhyme Scheme

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There was a young man in Boston town	A
He bought him a stethoscope nice and new	B
All mounted and finished and polished down	A
With an ivory cap and a stopper too	B
	-
It happened a spider within did crawl	C
And spun him a web of ample size	D
Wherein there chanced one day to fall	C
A couple of very imprudent flies	D
	-
The first was a bottle fly big and blue	B
The second was smaller and thin and long	E
So there was a concert between the two	B
Like an octave flute and a tavern gong	E
	-
Now being from Paris but recently	F
This fine young man would show his skill	G
And so they gave him his hand to try	H
A hospital patient extremely ill	G
	-
Some said that his liver was short of bile	I
And some that his heart was over size	D
While some kept arguing all the while	I
He was crammed with tubercles up to his eyes	D
	-
This fine young man then up stepped he	F
And all the doctors made a pause	J
Said he The man must die you see	F
By the fifty seventh of Louis's laws	J
	-
But since the case is a desperate one	K
To explore his chest it may be well	L
For if he should die and it were not done	K
You know the autopsy would not tell	L
	-
Then out his stethoscope he took	M
And on it placed his curious ear	N
Mon Dieu said he with a knowing look	M
Why here is a sound that 's mighty queer	O
	-
The bourdonnement is very clear	O
Amphoric buzzing as I'm alive	P
Five doctors took their turn to hear	N
Amphoric buzzing said all the five	P
	-
There's empyema beyond a doubt	Q
We'll plunge a trocar in his side	R
The diagnosis was made out	Q
They tapped the patient so he died	R
	-
Now such as hate new fashioned toys	S
Began to look extremely glum	T
They said that rattles were made for boys	S
And vowed that his buzzing was all a hum	T
	-
There was an old lady had long been sick	U
And what was the matter none did know	V
Her pulse was slow though her tongue was quick	U
To her this knowing youth must go	V
	-
So there the nice old lady sat	W
With phials and boxes all in a row	V
She asked the young doctor what he was at	W
To thump her and tumble her ruffles so	V
	-
Now when the stethoscope came out	Q
The flies began to buzz and whiz	X
Oh ho the matter is clear no doubt	Q
An aneurism there plainly is	X
	-
The bruit de rape and the bruit de scie	X
And the bruit de diable are all combined	Y
How happy Bouillaud would be	F
If he a case like this could find	Y
	-
Now when the neighboring doctors found	Z
A case so rare had been descried	Z
They every day her ribs did pound	Z
In squads of twenty so she died	Z
	-
Then six young damsels slight and frail	A2
Received this kind young doctor's cares	X
They all were getting slim and pale	A2
And short of breath on mounting stairs	X
	-
They all made rhymes with sighs and skies	X
And loathed their puddings and buttered rolls	X
And dieted much to their friends' surprise	X
On pickles and pencils and chalk and coals	X
	-
So fast their little hearts did bound	Z
The frightened insects buzzed the more	B2
So over all their chests he found	Z
The rale sifflant and the rale sonore	B2
	-
He shook his head There's grave disease	X
I greatly fear you all must die	Z
A slight post mortem if you please	X
Surviving friends would gratify	Z
	-
The six young damsels wept aloud	Z
Which so prevailed on six young men	C2
That each his honest love avowed	Z
Whereat they all got well again	C2
	-
This poor young man was all aghast	Z
The price of stethoscopes came down	A
And so he was reduced at last	Z
To practise in a country town	A
	-
The doctors being very sore	B2
A stethoscope they did devise	X
That had a rammer to clear the bore	B2
With a knob at the end to kill the flies	X
	-
Now use your ears all you that can	D2
But don't forget to mind your eyes	X
Or you may be cheated like this young man	D2
By a couple of silly abnormal flies	X

Oliver Wendell Holmes

The Stethoscope Song - A Professional Ballad Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

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