Tunbridge Wells Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis
Rhyme Scheme: AABBB CCDDDEEFFGHIIJKJLML NNNOOPPBBBQRBBBB SSBBEEFFTTTOOUURRVVF FFFFBBWWX FFAYZZYYYYFFBBFF XXFFBBFFOOZZBBBBA2A2 XXB2FFFXXVV SSC2XXNNXXXXOOD2E2OO BBD2D2LF2FFFFRRG2G2H 2H2OO I2I2FFFFXXBBBJ2VXXK2 O BBBBFFBBFFAt five this morn when Phoebus raised his head | A |
From Thetis' lap I raised myself from bed | A |
And mounting steed I trotted to the waters | B |
The rendesvous of fools buffoons and praters | B |
Cuckolds whores citizens their wives and daughters | B |
- | |
My squeamish stomach I with wine had bribed | C |
To undertake the dose that was prescribed | C |
But turning head a sudden curs d view | D |
That innocent provision overthrew | D |
And without drinking made me purge and spew | D |
From coach and six a thing unweildy rolled | E |
Whose lumber card more decently would hold | E |
As wise as calf it looked as big as bully | F |
But handled proves a mere Sir Nicholas Cully | F |
A bawling fop a natural Nokes and yet | G |
He dares to censure as if he had wit | H |
To make him more ridiculous in spite | I |
Nature contrived the fool should be a knight | I |
Though he alone were dismal signt enough | J |
His train contributed to set him off | K |
All of his shape all of the selfsame stuff | J |
No spleen or malice need on them be thrown | L |
Nature has done the business of lampoon | M |
And in their looks their characters has shown | L |
- | |
Endeavoring this irksome sight to balk | N |
And a more irksome noise their silly talk | N |
I silently slunk down t' th' Lower Walk | N |
But often when one would Charibdis shun | O |
Down upon Scilla 'tis one's fate to run | O |
For here it was my curs d luck to find | P |
As great a fop though of another kind | P |
A tall stiff fool that walked in Spanish guise | B |
The buckram puppet never stirred its eyes | B |
But grave as owl it looked as woodcock wise | B |
He scorns the empty talking of this mad age | Q |
And speaks all proverbs sentences and adage | R |
Can with as much solemnity buy eggs | B |
As a cabal can talk of their intrigues | B |
Master o' th' Ceremonies yet can dispense | B |
With the formality of talking sense | B |
- | |
From hence unto the upper walk I ran | S |
Where a new scene of foppery began | S |
A tribe of curates priests canonical elves | B |
Fit company for none besides themselves | B |
Were got together Each his distemper told | E |
Scurvy stone strangury some were so bold | E |
To charge the spleen to be their misery | F |
And on that wise disease brought infamy | F |
But none had modesty enough t' complain | T |
Their want of learning honesty and brain | T |
The general diseases of that train | T |
These call themselves ambassadors of heaven | O |
And saucily pretend commissions given | O |
But should an Indian king whose small command | U |
Seldom extends beyond ten miles of land | U |
Send forth such wretched tools in an ambassage | R |
He'd find but small effects of such a message | R |
Listening I found the cob of all this rabble | V |
Pert Bays with his importance comfortable | V |
He being raised to an archdeaconry | F |
By trampling on religion liberty | F |
Was grown to great and looked too fat and jolly | F |
To be disturbed with care and melancholy | F |
Though Marvell has enough exposed his folly | F |
He drank to carry off some old remains | B |
His lazy dull distemper left in 's veins | B |
Let him drink on but 'tis not a whole flood | W |
Can give sufficient sweetness to his blood | W |
To make his nature of his manners good | X |
- | |
Next after these a fulsome Irish crew | F |
Of silly Macs were offered to my view | F |
The things did talk but th' hearing what they said | A |
I did myself the kindness to evade | Y |
Nature has placed these wretches beneath scorn | Z |
They can't be called so vile as they are born | Z |
brkAmidst the crowd next I myself conveyed | Y |
For now were come whitewash and paint being laid | Y |
Mother and daughter mistress and the maid | Y |
And squire with wig and pantaloon displayed | Y |
But ne'er could conventicle play or fair | F |
For a true medley with this herd compare | F |
Here lords knights squires ladies and countesses | B |
Chandlers mum bacon women sempstresses | B |
Were mixed together nor did they agree | F |
More in their humors than their quality | F |
- | |
Here waiting for gallant young damsel stood | X |
Leaning on cane and muffled up in hood | X |
The would be wit whose business was to woo | F |
With hat removed and solmn scrape of shoe | F |
Advanceth bowing then genteelly shrugs | B |
And ruffled foretop into order tugs | B |
And thus accosts her Madam methinks the weather | F |
Is grown much more serene since you came hither | F |
You influence the heavens but should the sun | O |
Withdraw himself to see his rays outdone | O |
By your bright eyes they would supply the morn | Z |
And make a day before the day be born | Z |
With mouth screwed up conceited winking eyes | B |
And breasts thrust forward Lord sir she replies | B |
It is your goodness and not my deserts | B |
Which makes you show this learning wit and parts | B |
He puzzled butes his nail both to display | A2 |
The sparkling ring and think what next to say | A2 |
And thus breaks forth afresh Madam egad | X |
Your luck at cards last night was very bad | X |
At cribbage fifty nine and the next show | B2 |
To make the game and yet to want those two | F |
God damn me madam I'm the son of a whore | F |
If in my life I saw the like before | F |
To peddler's stall he drags her and her breast | X |
With hearts and such like foolish toys he dressed | X |
And then more smartly to expound the riddle | V |
Of all his prattle gives her a Scotch fiddle | V |
- | |
Tired with this dismal stuff away I ran | S |
Where were two wives with girl just fit for man | S |
Short breathed with pallid lips and visage wan | C2 |
Some curtsies past and the old compliment | X |
Of being glad to see each other spent | X |
With hand in hand they lovingly did walk | N |
And one began thus to renew the talk | N |
I pray good madam if it may be thought | X |
No rudeness what cause was it hither brought | X |
Your ladyship She soon replying smiled | X |
We have a good estate but have no child | X |
And I'm informed these wells will make a barren | O |
Woman as fruitful as a cony warren | O |
The first returned For this cause I am come | D2 |
For I can have no quietness at home | E2 |
My husband grumbles though we have got one | O |
This poor young girl and mutters for a son | O |
And this is grieved with headach pangs and throes | B |
Is full sixteen and never yet had those | B |
She soon replied Get her a husband madam | D2 |
I married at that age and ne'er had 'em | D2 |
Was just like her Steel waters let alone | L |
A back of steel will bring 'em better down | F2 |
And ten to one but they themselves will try | F |
The same means to increase their family | F |
Poor foolish fribble who by subtlety | F |
Of midwife truest friend to lechery | F |
Persuaded art to be at pains and charge | R |
To give thy wife occaision to enlarge | R |
Thy silly head For here walk Cuff and Kick | G2 |
With brawny back and legs and potent prick | G2 |
Who more substantially will cure thy wife | H2 |
And on her half dead womb bestow new life | H2 |
From these the waters got the reputation | O |
Of good assistants unto generation | O |
- | |
Some warlike men were now got into th' throng | I2 |
With hair tied back singing a bawdy song | I2 |
Not much afraid I got a nearer view | F |
And 'twas my chance to know the dreadful crew | F |
They were cadets that seldom can appear | F |
Damned to the stint of thirty pounds a year | F |
With hawk on fist or greyhound led in hand | X |
The dogs and footboys sometimes they command | X |
But now having trimmed a cast off spavined horse | B |
With three hard pinched for guineas in their purse | B |
Two rusty pistols scarf about the arse | B |
Coat lined with red they here presume to swell | J2 |
This goes for captain that for colonel | V |
So the Bear Garden ape on his steed mounted | X |
No longer is a jackanapes accounted | X |
But is by virtue of his trumpery then | K2 |
Called by the name of the young gentleman | O |
- | |
Bless me thought I what thing is man that thus | B |
In all his shapes he is ridiculous | B |
Ourselves with noise of reason we do please | B |
In vain humanity's our worst disease | B |
Thrice happy beasts are who because they be | F |
Of reason void and so of foppery | F |
Faith I was so ashamed that with remorse | B |
I used the insolence to mount my horse | B |
For he doing only things fit for his nature | F |
Did seem to me by much the wiser creature | F |
Lord John Wilmot
(1)
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