The Lady's Dressing-room. 1730 Poem Rhyme Scheme

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Five hours and who can do it less in	A
By haughty Celia spent in dressing	B
The goddess from her chamber issues	C
Array'd in lace brocades and tissues	C
Strephon who found the room was void	D
And Betty otherwise employ'd	D
Stole in and took a strict survey	E
Of all the litter as it lay	E
Whereof to make the matter clear	F
An inventory follows here	G
And first a dirty smock appear'd	H
Beneath the arm pits well besmear'd	H
Strephon the rogue display'd it wide	H
And turn'd it round on ev'ry side	H
On such a point few words are best	H
And Strephon bids us guess the rest	H
But swears how damnably the men lie	I
In calling Celia sweet and cleanly	J
Now listen while he next produces	K
The various combs for various uses	K
Fill'd up with dirt so closely fixt	H
No brush could force a way betwixt	H
A paste of composition rare	L
Sweat dandriff powder lead and hair	L
A fore head cloth with oil upon't	H
To smooth the wrinkles on her front	H
Here alum flour to stop the steams	M
Exhaled from sour unsavoury streams	M
There night gloves made of Tripsey's hide	H
Bequeath'd by Tripsey when she died	H
With puppy water beauty's help	N
Distil'd from Tripsey's darling whelp	N
Here gallipots and vials placed	H
Some fill'd with washes some with paste	H
Some with pomatums paints and slops	M
And ointments good for scabby chops	M
Hard by a filthy bason stands	M
Foul'd with the scouring of her hands	M
The bason takes whatever comes	M
The scrapings from her teeth and gums	M
A nasty compound of all hues	M
For here she spits and here she spues	M
But oh it turn'd poor Strephon's bowels	M
When he beheld and smelt the towels	M
Begumm'd bematter'd and beslim'd	H
With dirt and sweat and ear wax grim'd	H
No object Strephon's eye escapes	M
Here petticoats in frouzy heaps	M
Nor be the handkerchiefs forgot	H
All varnish'd o'er with snuff and snot	H
The stockings why should I expose	M
Stain'd with the moisture of her toes	M
Or greasy coifs and pinners reeking	B
Which Celia slept at least a week in	A
A pair of tweezers next he found	H
To pluck her brows in arches round	H
Or hairs that sink the forehead low	O
Or on her chin like bristles grow	O
The virtues we must not let pass	M
Of Celia's magnifying glass	M
When frighted Strephon cast his eye on't	H
It shew'd the visage of a giant	H
A glass that can to sight disclose	M
The smallest worm in Celia's nose	M
And faithfully direct her nail	P
To squeeze it out from head to tail	P
For catch it nicely by the head	H
It must come out alive or dead	H
Why Strephon will you tell the rest	H
And must you needs describe the chest	H
That careless wench no creature warn her	Q
To move it out from yonder corner	Q
But leave it standing full in sight	H
For you to exercise your spight	H
In vain the workman shew'd his wit	H
With rings and hinges counterfeit	H
To make it seem in this disguise	M
A cabinet to vulgar eyes	M
Which Strephon ventur'd to look in	A
Resolved to go thro' thick and thin	A
He lifts the lid there needs no more	R
He smelt it all the time before	R
As from within Pandora's box	M
When Epimetheus op'd the locks	M
A sudden universal crew	S
Of human evils upward flew	S
He still was comforted to find	H
That hope at last remain'd behind	H
So Strephon lifting up the lid	H
To view what in the chest was hid	H
The vapours flew from up the vent	H
But Strephon cautious never meant	H
The bottom of the pan to grope	N
And foul his hands in search of hope	N
O ne'er may such a vile machine	T
Be once in Celia's chamber seen	T
O may she better learn to keep	N
Those secrets of the hoary deep	N
As mutton cutlets prime of meat	H
Which tho' with art you salt and beat	H
As laws of cookery require	Q
And toast them at the clearest fire	Q
If from upon the hopeful chops	M
The fat upon a cinder drops	M
To stinking smoke it turns the flame	U
Pois'ning the flesh from whence it came	U
And up exhales a greasy stench	V
For which you curse the careless wench	V
So things which must not be exprest	H
When drop'd into the reeking chest	H
Send up an excremental smell	W
To taint the part from whence they fell	W
The petticoats and gown perfume	X
And waft a stink round ev'ry room	X
Thus finishing his grand survey	E
Disgusted Strephon slunk away	E
Repeating in his amorous fits	M
Oh Celia Celia Celia sh	V
But Vengeance goddess never sleeping	B
Soon punish'd Strephon for his peeping	B
His foul imagination links	M
Each dame he sees with all her stinks	M
And if unsavoury odours fly	I
Conceives a lady standing by	I
All women his description fits	M
And both ideas jump like wits	M
By vicious fancy coupled fast	H
And still appearing in contrast	H
I pity wretched Strephon blind	H
To all the charms of woman kind	H
Should I the Queen of Love refuse	M
Because she rose from stinking ooze	M
To him that looks behind the scene	T
Statira's but some pocky quean	T
When Celia in her glory shews	M
If Strephon would but stop his nose	M
Who now so impiously blasphemes	M
Her ointments daubs and paints and creams	M
Her washes slops and every clout	H
With which he makes so foul a rout	H
He soon would learn to think like me	H
And bless his ravish'd sight to see	H
Such order from confusion sprung	Y
Such gaudy tulips raised from dung	Y

Jonathan Swift

The Lady's Dressing-room. 1730 Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

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