The Beasts' Confession Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

Rhyme Scheme: A BBCCDDEFGGHH IIJJKLM NNOOPQRRIISTUUVV WWVVXXYYVV ZZA2A2VVSB2ZZC2C2 VVD2D2E2E2F2F2G2G2H2 H2VV E2E2VVVV SI2J2J2VVK2K2L2M2N2N 2O2O2 VVZZP2P2Q2Q2R2R2 S2S2VVVVT2T2G2G2 U2U2V2V2VVW2W2VVQ2MX 2X2Y2Y2B2B2VVVVZ2Z2Z ZII ZZVVSSA3A3VVG2G2G2G2 VVB3B3SSQ2Q2C3C3ZZD3 G2VVZZYYE3E3VVZZIIQ2 X2VV BBF3G3VVH3H3I3I3 J3J3K3L3VVVVBBX2M3N3 N3Z2Z2VVVVE2E2CC

To the Priest on Observing how most Men mistake their own TalentsA
-
When beasts could speak the learned sayB
They still can do so ev'ry dayB
It seems they had religion thenC
As much as now we find in menC
It happen'd when a plague broke outD
Which therefore made them more devoutD
The king of brutes to make it plainE
Of quadrupeds I only meanF
By proclamation gave commandG
That ev'ry subject in the landG
Should to the priest confess their sinsH
And thus the pious wolf beginsH
-
'Good father I must own with shameI
That often I have been to blameI
I must confess on Friday lastJ
Wretch that I was I broke my fastJ
But I defy the basest tongueK
To prove I did my neighbour wrongL
Or ever went to seek my foodM
By rapine theft or thirst of blood '-
-
The ass approaching next confess'dN
That in his heart he lov'd a jestN
A wag he was he needs must ownO
And could not let a dunce aloneO
Sometimes his friend he would not spareP
And might perhaps be too severeQ
But yet the worst that could be saidR
He was a wit both born and bredR
And if it be a sin or shameI
Nature alone must bear the blameI
One fault he hath is sorry for'tS
His ears are half a foot too shortT
Which could he to the standard bringU
He'd show his face before the KingU
Then for his voice there's none disputesV
That he's the nightingale of brutesV
-
The swine with contrite heart allow'dW
His shape and beauty made him proudW
In diet was perhaps too niceV
But gluttony was ne'er his viceV
In ev'ry turn of life contentX
And meekly took what fortune sentX
Inquire through all the parish roundY
A better neighbour ne'er was foundY
His vigilance might some displeaseV
'Tis true he hated sloth like peasV
-
The mimic ape began his chatterZ
How evil tongues his life bespatterZ
Much of the cens'ring world complain'dA2
Who said his gravity was feign'dA2
Indeed the strictness of his moralsV
Engag'd him in a hundred quarrelsV
He saw and he was griev'd to see'tS
His zeal was sometimes indiscreetB2
He found his virtues too severeZ
For our corrupted times to bearZ
Yet such a lewd licentious ageC2
Might well excuse a Stoic's rageC2
-
The goat advanc'd with decent paceV
And first excus'd his youthful faceV
Forgiveness begg'd that he appear'dD2
'Twas nature's fault without a beardD2
'Tis true he was not much inclin'dE2
To fondness for the female kindE2
Not as his enemies objectF2
From chance or natural defectF2
Not by his frigid constitutionG2
But through a pious resolutionG2
For he had made a holy vowH2
Of chastity as monks do nowH2
Which he resolv'd to keep for ever henceV
As strictly too as doth his ReverenceV
-
Apply the tale and you shall findE2
How just it suits with human kindE2
Some faults we own but can you guessV
Why virtues carried to excessV
Wherewith our vanity endows usV
Though neither foe nor friend allows usV
-
The lawyer swears you may rely on'tS
He never squeez'd a needy clientI2
And this he makes his constant ruleJ2
For which his brethren call him foolJ2
His conscience always was so niceV
He freely gave the poor adviceV
By which he lost he may affirmK2
A hundred fees last Easter termK2
While others of the learned robeL2
Would break the patience of a JobM2
No pleader at the bar could matchN2
His diligence and quick dispatchN2
Ne'er kept a cause he well may boastO2
Above a term or two at mostO2
-
The cringing knave who seeks a placeV
Without success thus tells his caseV
Why should he longer mince the matterZ
He fail'd because he could not flatterZ
He had not learn'd to turn his coatP2
Nor for a party give his voteP2
His crime he quickly understoodQ2
Too zealous for the nation's goodQ2
He found the ministers resent itR2
Yet could not for his heart repent itR2
-
The chaplain vows he cannot fawnS2
Though it would raise him to the lawnS2
He pass'd his hours among his booksV
You find it in his meagre looksV
He might if he were worldly wiseV
Preferment get and spare his eyesV
But own'd he had a stubborn spiritT2
That made him trust alone in meritT2
Would rise by merit to promotionG2
Alas a mere chimeric notionG2
-
The doctor if you will believe himU2
Confess'd a sin and God forgive himU2
Call'd up at midnight ran to saveV2
A blind old beggar from the graveV2
But see how Satan spreads his snaresV
He quite forgot to say his prayersV
He cannot help it for his heartW2
Sometimes to act the parson's partW2
Quotes from the Bible many a sentenceV
That moves his patients to repentanceV
And when his med'cines do no goodQ2
Supports their minds with heav'nly foodM
At which however well intendedX2
He hears the clergy are offendedX2
And grown so bold behind his backY2
To call him hypocrite and quackY2
In his own church he keeps a seatB2
Says grace before and after meatB2
And calls without affecting airsV
His household twice a day to prayersV
He shuns apothecaries' shopsV
And hates to cram the sick with slopsV
He scorns to make his art a tradeZ2
Nor bribes my lady's fav'rite maidZ2
Old nurse keepers would never hireZ
To recommend him to the squireZ
Which others whom he will not nameI
Have often practis'd to their shameI
-
The statesman tells you with a sneerZ
His fault is to be too sincereZ
And having no sinister endsV
Is apt to disoblige his friendsV
The nation's good his master's gloryS
Without regard to Whig or ToryS
Were all the schemes he had in viewA3
Yet he was seconded by fewA3
Though some had spread a hundred liesV
'Twas he defeated the ExciseV
'Twas known though he had borne aspersionG2
That standing troops were his aversionG2
His practice was in ev'ry stationG2
To serve the King and please the nationG2
Though hard to find in ev'ry caseV
The fittest man to fill a placeV
His promises he ne'er forgotB3
But took memorials on the spotB3
His enemies for want of charityS
Said he affected popularityS
'Tis true the people understoodQ2
That all he did was for their goodQ2
Their kind affections he has triedC3
No love is lost on either sideC3
He came to Court with fortune clearZ
Which now he runs out ev'ry yearZ
Must at the rate that he goes onD3
Inevitably be undoneG2
Oh if his Majesty would pleaseV
To give him but a writ of easeV
Would grant him licence to retireZ
As it hath long been his desireZ
By fair accounts it would be foundY
He's poorer by ten thousand poundY
He owns and hopes it is no sinE3
He ne'er was partial to his kinE3
He thought it base for men in stationsV
To crowd the Court with their relationsV
His country was his dearest motherZ
And ev'ry virtuous man his brotherZ
Through modesty or awkward shameI
For which he owns himself to blameI
He found the wisest man he couldQ2
Without respect to friends or bloodX2
Nor ever acts on private viewsV
When he hath liberty to chooseV
-
The sharper swore he hated playB
Except to pass an hour awayB
And well he might for to his costF3
By want of skill he always lostG3
He heard there was a club of cheatsV
Who had contriv'd a thousand featsV
Could change the stock or cog a dieH3
And thus deceive the sharpest eyeH3
Nor wonder how his fortune sunkI3
His brothers fleece him when he's drunkI3
-
I own the moral not exactJ3
Besides the tale is false in factJ3
And so absurd that could I raise upK3
From fields Elysian fabling AesopL3
I would accuse him to his faceV
For libelling the four foot raceV
Creatures of ev'ry kind but oursV
Well comprehend their natural pow'rsV
While we whom reason ought to swayB
Mistake our talents ev'ry dayB
The ass was never known so stupidX2
To act the part of Tray or CupidM3
Nor leaps upon his master's lapN3
There to be strok'd and fed with papN3
As Aesop would the world persuadeZ2
He better understands his tradeZ2
Nor comes whene'er his lady whistlesV
But carries loads and feeds on thistlesV
Our author's meaning I presume isV
A creature bipes et implumisV
Wherein the moralist design'dE2
A compliment on human kindE2
For here he owns that now and thenC
Beasts may degenerate into menC

Jonathan Swift



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