The Beasts' Confession Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis
Rhyme Scheme: A BBCCDDEFGGHH IIJJKLM NNOOPQRRIISTUUVV WWVVXXYYVV ZZA2A2VVSB2ZZC2C2 VVD2D2E2E2F2F2G2G2H2 H2VV E2E2VVVV SI2J2J2VVK2K2L2M2N2N 2O2O2 VVZZP2P2Q2Q2R2R2 S2S2VVVVT2T2G2G2 U2U2V2V2VVW2W2VVQ2MX 2X2Y2Y2B2B2VVVVZ2Z2Z ZII ZZVVSSA3A3VVG2G2G2G2 VVB3B3SSQ2Q2C3C3ZZD3 G2VVZZYYE3E3VVZZIIQ2 X2VV BBF3G3VVH3H3I3I3 J3J3K3L3VVVVBBX2M3N3 N3Z2Z2VVVVE2E2CCTo the Priest on Observing how most Men mistake their own Talents | A |
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When beasts could speak the learned say | B |
They still can do so ev'ry day | B |
It seems they had religion then | C |
As much as now we find in men | C |
It happen'd when a plague broke out | D |
Which therefore made them more devout | D |
The king of brutes to make it plain | E |
Of quadrupeds I only mean | F |
By proclamation gave command | G |
That ev'ry subject in the land | G |
Should to the priest confess their sins | H |
And thus the pious wolf begins | H |
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'Good father I must own with shame | I |
That often I have been to blame | I |
I must confess on Friday last | J |
Wretch that I was I broke my fast | J |
But I defy the basest tongue | K |
To prove I did my neighbour wrong | L |
Or ever went to seek my food | M |
By rapine theft or thirst of blood ' | - |
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The ass approaching next confess'd | N |
That in his heart he lov'd a jest | N |
A wag he was he needs must own | O |
And could not let a dunce alone | O |
Sometimes his friend he would not spare | P |
And might perhaps be too severe | Q |
But yet the worst that could be said | R |
He was a wit both born and bred | R |
And if it be a sin or shame | I |
Nature alone must bear the blame | I |
One fault he hath is sorry for't | S |
His ears are half a foot too short | T |
Which could he to the standard bring | U |
He'd show his face before the King | U |
Then for his voice there's none disputes | V |
That he's the nightingale of brutes | V |
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The swine with contrite heart allow'd | W |
His shape and beauty made him proud | W |
In diet was perhaps too nice | V |
But gluttony was ne'er his vice | V |
In ev'ry turn of life content | X |
And meekly took what fortune sent | X |
Inquire through all the parish round | Y |
A better neighbour ne'er was found | Y |
His vigilance might some displease | V |
'Tis true he hated sloth like peas | V |
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The mimic ape began his chatter | Z |
How evil tongues his life bespatter | Z |
Much of the cens'ring world complain'd | A2 |
Who said his gravity was feign'd | A2 |
Indeed the strictness of his morals | V |
Engag'd him in a hundred quarrels | V |
He saw and he was griev'd to see't | S |
His zeal was sometimes indiscreet | B2 |
He found his virtues too severe | Z |
For our corrupted times to bear | Z |
Yet such a lewd licentious age | C2 |
Might well excuse a Stoic's rage | C2 |
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The goat advanc'd with decent pace | V |
And first excus'd his youthful face | V |
Forgiveness begg'd that he appear'd | D2 |
'Twas nature's fault without a beard | D2 |
'Tis true he was not much inclin'd | E2 |
To fondness for the female kind | E2 |
Not as his enemies object | F2 |
From chance or natural defect | F2 |
Not by his frigid constitution | G2 |
But through a pious resolution | G2 |
For he had made a holy vow | H2 |
Of chastity as monks do now | H2 |
Which he resolv'd to keep for ever hence | V |
As strictly too as doth his Reverence | V |
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Apply the tale and you shall find | E2 |
How just it suits with human kind | E2 |
Some faults we own but can you guess | V |
Why virtues carried to excess | V |
Wherewith our vanity endows us | V |
Though neither foe nor friend allows us | V |
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The lawyer swears you may rely on't | S |
He never squeez'd a needy client | I2 |
And this he makes his constant rule | J2 |
For which his brethren call him fool | J2 |
His conscience always was so nice | V |
He freely gave the poor advice | V |
By which he lost he may affirm | K2 |
A hundred fees last Easter term | K2 |
While others of the learned robe | L2 |
Would break the patience of a Job | M2 |
No pleader at the bar could match | N2 |
His diligence and quick dispatch | N2 |
Ne'er kept a cause he well may boast | O2 |
Above a term or two at most | O2 |
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The cringing knave who seeks a place | V |
Without success thus tells his case | V |
Why should he longer mince the matter | Z |
He fail'd because he could not flatter | Z |
He had not learn'd to turn his coat | P2 |
Nor for a party give his vote | P2 |
His crime he quickly understood | Q2 |
Too zealous for the nation's good | Q2 |
He found the ministers resent it | R2 |
Yet could not for his heart repent it | R2 |
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The chaplain vows he cannot fawn | S2 |
Though it would raise him to the lawn | S2 |
He pass'd his hours among his books | V |
You find it in his meagre looks | V |
He might if he were worldly wise | V |
Preferment get and spare his eyes | V |
But own'd he had a stubborn spirit | T2 |
That made him trust alone in merit | T2 |
Would rise by merit to promotion | G2 |
Alas a mere chimeric notion | G2 |
- | |
The doctor if you will believe him | U2 |
Confess'd a sin and God forgive him | U2 |
Call'd up at midnight ran to save | V2 |
A blind old beggar from the grave | V2 |
But see how Satan spreads his snares | V |
He quite forgot to say his prayers | V |
He cannot help it for his heart | W2 |
Sometimes to act the parson's part | W2 |
Quotes from the Bible many a sentence | V |
That moves his patients to repentance | V |
And when his med'cines do no good | Q2 |
Supports their minds with heav'nly food | M |
At which however well intended | X2 |
He hears the clergy are offended | X2 |
And grown so bold behind his back | Y2 |
To call him hypocrite and quack | Y2 |
In his own church he keeps a seat | B2 |
Says grace before and after meat | B2 |
And calls without affecting airs | V |
His household twice a day to prayers | V |
He shuns apothecaries' shops | V |
And hates to cram the sick with slops | V |
He scorns to make his art a trade | Z2 |
Nor bribes my lady's fav'rite maid | Z2 |
Old nurse keepers would never hire | Z |
To recommend him to the squire | Z |
Which others whom he will not name | I |
Have often practis'd to their shame | I |
- | |
The statesman tells you with a sneer | Z |
His fault is to be too sincere | Z |
And having no sinister ends | V |
Is apt to disoblige his friends | V |
The nation's good his master's glory | S |
Without regard to Whig or Tory | S |
Were all the schemes he had in view | A3 |
Yet he was seconded by few | A3 |
Though some had spread a hundred lies | V |
'Twas he defeated the Excise | V |
'Twas known though he had borne aspersion | G2 |
That standing troops were his aversion | G2 |
His practice was in ev'ry station | G2 |
To serve the King and please the nation | G2 |
Though hard to find in ev'ry case | V |
The fittest man to fill a place | V |
His promises he ne'er forgot | B3 |
But took memorials on the spot | B3 |
His enemies for want of charity | S |
Said he affected popularity | S |
'Tis true the people understood | Q2 |
That all he did was for their good | Q2 |
Their kind affections he has tried | C3 |
No love is lost on either side | C3 |
He came to Court with fortune clear | Z |
Which now he runs out ev'ry year | Z |
Must at the rate that he goes on | D3 |
Inevitably be undone | G2 |
Oh if his Majesty would please | V |
To give him but a writ of ease | V |
Would grant him licence to retire | Z |
As it hath long been his desire | Z |
By fair accounts it would be found | Y |
He's poorer by ten thousand pound | Y |
He owns and hopes it is no sin | E3 |
He ne'er was partial to his kin | E3 |
He thought it base for men in stations | V |
To crowd the Court with their relations | V |
His country was his dearest mother | Z |
And ev'ry virtuous man his brother | Z |
Through modesty or awkward shame | I |
For which he owns himself to blame | I |
He found the wisest man he could | Q2 |
Without respect to friends or blood | X2 |
Nor ever acts on private views | V |
When he hath liberty to choose | V |
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The sharper swore he hated play | B |
Except to pass an hour away | B |
And well he might for to his cost | F3 |
By want of skill he always lost | G3 |
He heard there was a club of cheats | V |
Who had contriv'd a thousand feats | V |
Could change the stock or cog a die | H3 |
And thus deceive the sharpest eye | H3 |
Nor wonder how his fortune sunk | I3 |
His brothers fleece him when he's drunk | I3 |
- | |
I own the moral not exact | J3 |
Besides the tale is false in fact | J3 |
And so absurd that could I raise up | K3 |
From fields Elysian fabling Aesop | L3 |
I would accuse him to his face | V |
For libelling the four foot race | V |
Creatures of ev'ry kind but ours | V |
Well comprehend their natural pow'rs | V |
While we whom reason ought to sway | B |
Mistake our talents ev'ry day | B |
The ass was never known so stupid | X2 |
To act the part of Tray or Cupid | M3 |
Nor leaps upon his master's lap | N3 |
There to be strok'd and fed with pap | N3 |
As Aesop would the world persuade | Z2 |
He better understands his trade | Z2 |
Nor comes whene'er his lady whistles | V |
But carries loads and feeds on thistles | V |
Our author's meaning I presume is | V |
A creature bipes et implumis | V |
Wherein the moralist design'd | E2 |
A compliment on human kind | E2 |
For here he owns that now and then | C |
Beasts may degenerate into men | C |
Jonathan Swift
(1)
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