The Answer. By Dr. Swift Poem Rhyme Scheme

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Lindsay mistakes the matter quite	A
And honest Paulus judges right	A
Then why these quarrels to the sun	B
Without whose aid you're all undone	B
Did Paulus e'er complain of sweat	C
Did Paulus e'er the sun forget	C
The influence of whose golden beams	D
Soon licks up all unsavoury steams	D
The sun you say his face has kiss'd	E
It has but then it greased his fist	E
True lawyers for the wisest ends	F
Have always been Apollo's friends	F
Not for his superficial powers	G
Of ripening fruits and gilding flowers	G
Not for inspiring poets' brains	H
With penniless and starveling strains	H
Not for his boasted healing art	I
Not for his skill to shoot the dart	I
Nor yet because he sweetly fiddles	J
Nor for his prophecies in riddles	J
But for a more substantial cause	K
Apollo's patron of the laws	L
Whom Paulus ever must adore	M
As parent of the golden ore	M
By Phoebus an incestuous birth	N
Begot upon his grandam Earth	N
By Phoebus first produced to light	A
By Vulcan form'd so round and bright	A
Then offer'd at the shrine of Justice	O
By clients to her priests and trustees	P
Nor when we see Astraea stand	Q
With even balance in her hand	Q
Must we suppose she has in view	R
How to give every man his due	R
Her scales you see her only hold	S
To weigh her priests' the lawyers' gold	S
Now should I own your case was grievous	O
Poor sweaty Paulus who'd believe us	O
'Tis very true and none denies	T
At least that such complaints are wise	T
'Tis wise no doubt as clients fat you more	M
To cry like statesmen Quanta patimur	M
But since the truth must needs be stretched	U
To prove that lawyers are so wretched	V
This paradox I'll undertake	W
For Paulus' and for Lindsay's sake	W
By topics which though I abomine 'em	X
May serve as arguments ad hominem	Y
Yet I disdain to offer those	Z
Made use of by detracting foes	Z
I own the curses of mankind	A2
Sit light upon a lawyer's mind	A2
The clamours of ten thousand tongues	B2
Break not his rest nor hurt his lungs	B2
I own his conscience always free	M
Provided he has got his fee	M
Secure of constant peace within	C2
He knows no guilt who knows no sin	C2
Yet well they merit to be pitied	D2
By clients always overwitted	D2
And though the gospel seems to say	E2
What heavy burdens lawyers lay	E2
Upon the shoulders of their neighbour	M
Nor lend a finger to their labour	M
Always for saving their own bacon	B
No doubt the text is here mistaken	B
The copy's false the sense is rack'd	D2
To prove it I appeal to fact	D2
And thus by demonstration show	F2
What burdens lawyers undergo	F2
With early clients at his door	M
Though he was drunk the night before	M
And crop sick with unclubb'd for wine	G2
The wretch must be at court by nine	G2
Half sunk beneath his briefs and bag	H2
As ridden by a midnight hag	H2
Then from the bar harangues the bench	I2
In English vile and viler French	I2
And Latin vilest of the three	M
And all for poor ten moidores fee	M
Of paper how is he profuse	J2
With periods long in terms abstruse	J2
What pains he takes to be prolix	J2
A thousand lines to stand for six	J2
Of common sense without a word in	C2
And is not this a grievous burden	B
The lawyer is a common drudge	K2
To fight our cause before the judge	K2
And what is yet a greater curse	J2
Condemn'd to bear his client's purse	J2
While he at ease secure and light	D2
Walks boldly home at dead of night	D2
When term is ended leaves the town	L2
Trots to his country mansion down	L2
And disencumber'd of his load	D2
No danger dreads upon the road	D2
Despises rapparees and rides	J2
Safe through the Newry mountains' sides	J2
Lindsay 'tis you have set me on	M2
To state this question pro and con	M2
My satire may offend 'tis true	M
However it concerns not you	M
I own there may in every clan	N2
Perhaps be found one honest man	N2
Yet link them close in this they jump	O2
To be but rascals in the lump	O2
Imagine Lindsay at the bar	M
He's much the same his brethren are	M
Well taught by practice to imbibe	P2
The fundamentals of his tribe	P2
And in his client's just defence	J2
Must deviate oft from common sense	J2
And make his ignorance discern'd	D2
To get the name of counsel learn'd	D2
As lucus comes a non lucendo	D2
And wisely do as other men do	D2
But shift him to a better scene	Q2
Among his crew of rogues in grain	R2
Surrounded with companions fit	D2
To taste his humour sense and wit	D2
You'd swear he never took a fee	M
Nor knew in law his A B C	M
'Tis hard where dulness overrules	J2
To keep good sense in crowds of fools	J2
And we admire the man who saves	J2
His honesty in crowds of knaves	J2
Nor yields up virtue at discretion	B
To villains of his own profession	B
Lindsay you know what pains you take	W
In both yet hardly save your stake	W
And will you venture both anew	D2
To sit among that venal crew	D2
That pack of mimic legislators	J2
Abandon'd stupid slavish praters	J2
For as the rabble daub and rifle	S2
The fool who scrambles for a trifle	S2
Who for his pains is cuff'd and kick'd	D2
Drawn through the dirt his pockets pick'd	D2
You must expect the like disgrace	J2
Scrambling with rogues to get a place	J2
Must lose the honour you have gain'd	D2
Your numerous virtues foully stain'd	D2
Disclaim for ever all pretence	J2
To common honesty and sense	J2
And join in friendship with a strict tie	D2
To M l C y and Dick Tighe	T2

Jonathan Swift

The Answer. By Dr. Swift Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

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