Mrs. Frances Harris's Petition, 1699 Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis
Rhyme Scheme: A BBCCDDEEEDDDDDDBBBBF GHHDDIIDDJJIIBBKKDDB BBBBBDDLLMMDDDDNNDDM MOOBBDDPPDMMQQBB| This the most humorous example of vers de soci t in the English language well illustrates the position of a parson in a family of distinction at that period | A |
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| To their Excellencies the Lords Justices of Ireland The humble petition of Frances Harris | B |
| Who must starve and die a maid if it miscarries | B |
| Humbly sheweth that I went to warm myself in Lady Betty's chamber because I was cold | C |
| And I had in a purse seven pounds four shillings and sixpence besides farthings in money and gold | C |
| So because I had been buying things for my lady last night | D |
| I was resolved to tell my money to see if it was right | D |
| Now you must know because my trunk has a very bad lock | E |
| Therefore all the money I have which God knows is a very small stock | E |
| I keep in my pocket ty'd about my middle next my smock | E |
| So when I went to put up my purse as God would have it my smock was unript | D |
| And instead of putting it into my pocket down it slipt | D |
| Then the bell rung and I went down to put my lady to bed | D |
| And God knows I thought my money was as safe as my maidenhead | D |
| So when I came up again I found my pocket feel very light | D |
| But when I search'd and miss'd my purse Lord I thought I should have sunk outright | D |
| Lord madam says Mary how d'ye do Indeed says I never worse | B |
| But pray Mary can you tell what I have done with my purse | B |
| Lord help me says Mary I never stirr'd out of this place | B |
| Nay said I I had it in Lady Betty's chamber that's a plain case | B |
| So Mary got me to bed and cover'd me up warm | F |
| However she stole away my garters that I might do myself no harm | G |
| So I tumbled and toss'd all night as you may very well think | H |
| But hardly ever set my eyes together or slept a wink | H |
| So I was a dream'd methought that I went and search'd the folks round | D |
| And in a corner of Mrs Duke's box ty'd in a rag the money was found | D |
| So next morning we told Whittle and he fell a swearing | I |
| Then my dame Wadgar came and she you know is thick of hearing | I |
| Dame said I as loud as I could bawl do you know what a loss I have had | D |
| Nay says she my Lord Colway's folks are all very sad | D |
| For my Lord Dromedary comes a Tuesday without fail | J |
| Pugh said I but that's not the business that I ail | J |
| Says Cary says he I have been a servant this five and twenty years come spring | I |
| And in all the places I lived I never heard of such a thing | I |
| Yes says the steward I remember when I was at my Lord Shrewsbury's | B |
| Such a thing as this happen'd just about the time of gooseberries | B |
| So I went to the party suspected and I found her full of grief | K |
| Now you must know of all things in the world I hate a thief | K |
| However I was resolved to bring the discourse slily about | D |
| Mrs Duke said I here's an ugly accident has happened out | D |
| 'Tis not that I value the money three skips of a louse | B |
| But the thing I stand upon is the credit of the house | B |
| 'Tis true seven pounds four shillings and sixpence makes a great hole in my wages | B |
| Besides as they say service is no inheritance in these ages | B |
| Now Mrs Duke you know and everybody understands | B |
| That though 'tis hard to judge yet money can't go without hands | B |
| The devil take me said she blessing herself if ever I saw't | D |
| So she roar'd like a bedlam as thof I had call'd her all to naught | D |
| So you know what could I say to her any more | L |
| I e'en left her and came away as wise as I was before | L |
| Well but then they would have had me gone to the cunning man | M |
| No said I 'tis the same thing the CHAPLAIN will be here anon | M |
| So the Chaplain came in Now the servants say he is my sweetheart | D |
| Because he's always in my chamber and I always take his part | D |
| So as the devil would have it before I was aware out I blunder'd | D |
| Parson said I can you cast a nativity when a body's plunder'd | D |
| Now you must know he hates to be called Parson like the devil | N |
| Truly says he Mrs Nab it might become you to be more civil | N |
| If your money be gone as a learned Divine says d'ye see | D |
| You are no text for my handling so take that from me | D |
| I was never taken for a Conjurer before I'd have you to know | M |
| Lord said I don't be angry I am sure I never thought you so | M |
| You know I honour the cloth I design to be a Parson's wife | O |
| I never took one in your coat for a conjurer in all my life | O |
| With that he twisted his girdle at me like a rope as who should say | B |
| Now you may go hang yourself for me and so went away | B |
| Well I thought I should have swoon'd Lord said I what shall I do | D |
| I have lost my money and shall lose my true love too | D |
| Then my lord call'd me Harry said my lord don't cry | P |
| I'll give you something toward thy loss And says my lady so will I | P |
| Oh but said I what if after all the Chaplain won't come to | D |
| For that he said an't please your Excellencies I must petition you The premisses tenderly consider'd I desire your Excellencies' protection | M |
| And that I may have a share in next Sunday's collection | M |
| And over and above that I may have your Excellencies' letter | Q |
| With an order for the Chaplain aforesaid or instead of him a better | Q |
| And then your poor petitioner both night and day | B |
| Or the Chaplain for 'tis his trade as in duty bound shall ever pray | B |
Jonathan Swift
(1)
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