Mrs Frances Haris's Petition Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis
Rhyme Scheme: ABBCDBDEEFFFEEEEEGEB HHHIJKKEELLHEHHMLHBH NNEEBBCBBBHHEOOPHEEE HQQBBHBRHBBEHCHEESST TBB| To their Excellencies the Lords Justices of Ireland | A |
| The humble petition of Frances Harris | B |
| Who must starve and die a maid if it miscarries | B |
| Humble sheweth that I went to warm myself in Lady Betty's chamber because I | C |
| was cold | D |
| And I had in a purse seven pounds four shillings and sixpence besides | B |
| farthings in money and gold | D |
| So because I had been buying things for my lady last night | E |
| I was resolved to tell my money to see if it was right | E |
| Now you must know because my trunk has a very bad lock | F |
| Therefore all the money I have which God knows is a very small stock | F |
| I keep in my pocket tied about my middle next my smock | F |
| So when I went to put up my purse as God would have it my smock was unripped | E |
| And instead of putting it into my pocket down it slipped | E |
| Then the bell rung and I went down to put my lady to bed | E |
| And God knows I thought my money was as safe as my maidenhead | E |
| So when I came up again I found my pocket feel very light | E |
| But when I searched and missed my purse Lord I thought I should have sunk | G |
| outright | E |
| 'Lord madam ' says Mary 'how d'ye do ' 'Indeed ' says I 'never worse | B |
| But pray Mary can you tell what I have done with my purse ' | H |
| 'Lord help me ' says Mary 'I never stirred out of this place ' | H |
| 'Nay ' said I 'I had it in Lady Betty's chamber that's a plain case ' | H |
| So Mary got me to bed and covered me up warm | I |
| However she stole away my garters that I might do myself no harm | J |
| So I tumbled and tossed all night as you may very well think | K |
| But hardly ever set my eyes together or slept a wink | K |
| So I was a dreamed methought that I went and searched the folks round | E |
| And in a corner of Mrs Duke's box tied in a rag the money was found | E |
| So next morning we told Whittle and he fell a swearing | L |
| Then my dame Wadgar came and she you know is thick of hearing | L |
| 'Dame ' says I as loud as I could bawl 'do you know what a loss I have had ' | H |
| 'Nay ' says she 'my Lord Colway's folks are all very sad | E |
| For my Lord Dromedary comes a Tuesday without fail ' | H |
| 'Pugh ' said I 'but that's not the business that I ail ' | H |
| Says Cary says he 'I have been a servant this five and twenty years come | M |
| spring | L |
| And in all the places I lived I never heard of such a thing ' | H |
| 'Yes ' says the steward 'I remember when I was at my Lord Shrewsbury's | B |
| Such a thing as this happened just about the time of gooseberries ' | H |
| So I went to the party suspected and I found her full of grief | N |
| Now you must know of all things in the world I hate a thief | N |
| However I was resolved to bring the discourse slily about | E |
| 'Mrs Duke ' said I 'here's an ugly accident has happened out | E |
| 'Tis not that I value the money three skips of a louse | B |
| But the thing I stand upon is the credit of the house | B |
| 'Tis true seven pounds four shillings and sixpence makes a great hole in my | C |
| wages | B |
| Besides as they say service is no inheritance in these ages | B |
| Now Mrs Duke you know and everybody understands | B |
| That though 'tis hard to judge yet money can't go without hands ' | H |
| 'The devil take me ' said she blessing herself 'if ever I saw't ' | H |
| So she roared like a bedlam as though I had called her all to naught | E |
| So you know what could I say to her any more | O |
| I e'en left her and came away as wise as I was before | O |
| Well but then they would have had me gone to the cunning man | P |
| 'No ' said I ''tis the same thing the CHAPLAIN will be here anon ' | H |
| So the Chaplain came in Now the servants say he is my sweetheart | E |
| Because he's always in my chamber and I always take his part | E |
| So as the devil would have it before I was aware out I blundered | E |
| 'Parson ' said I 'can you cast a nativity when a body's plundered ' | H |
| Now you must know he hates to be called Parson like the devil | Q |
| 'Truly ' says he 'Mrs Nab it might become you to be more civil | Q |
| If your money be gone as a learned Divine says d'ye see | B |
| You are no text for my handling so take that from me | B |
| I was never taken for a Conjurer before I'd have you to know ' | H |
| 'Lord ' said I 'don't be angry I am sure I never thought you so | B |
| You know I honour the cloth I design to be a Parson's wife | R |
| I never took one in your coat for a conjurer in all my life ' | H |
| With that he twisted his girdle at me like a rope as who should say | B |
| Now you may go hang yourself for me ' and so went away | B |
| Well I thought I should have swooned 'Lord ' said I 'what shall I do | E |
| I have lost my money and shall lose my true love too ' | H |
| Then my lord called me 'Harry ' said my lord 'don't cry | C |
| I'll give you something toward thy loss 'And ' says my lady 'so will I ' | H |
| Oh but said I what if after all the Chaplain won't come to | E |
| For that he said an't please your Excellencies I must petition you | E |
| The premisses tenderly considered I desire your Excellencies' protection | S |
| And that I may have a share in next Sunday's collection | S |
| And over and above that I may have your Excellencies' letter | T |
| With an order for the Chaplain aforesaid or instead of him a better | T |
| And then your poor petitioner both night and day | B |
| Or the Chaplain for 'tis his trade as in duty bound shall ever pray | B |
Jonathan Swift
(1)
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