A Serious Poem; Upon William Wood, Brazier, Tinker, Hard-wareman, Coiner, Founder, And Esquire Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis
Rhyme Scheme: AABBAACCBBDDEEFFBBGG HHBBIIJJGGKKLLMMNNOO PPQQRRNNBSTTAABBUURR NNRRUURRAAVJWWIIXXYY DDZZNNA2A2B2B2BBC2C2 FFNNBBNNEREEBBTTBBYY TTRRA2A2BB| When foes are o'ercome we preserve them from slaughter | A |
| To be hewers of wood and drawers of water | A |
| Now although to draw water is not very good | B |
| Yet we all should rejoice to be hewers of Wood | B |
| I own it has often provoked me to mutter | A |
| That a rogue so obscure should make such a clutter | A |
| But ancient philosophers wisely remark | C |
| That old rotten wood will shine in the dark | C |
| The Heathens we read had gods made of wood | B |
| Who could do them no harm if they did them no good | B |
| But this idol Wood may do us great evil | D |
| Their gods were of wood but our Wood is the devil | D |
| To cut down fine wood is a very bad thing | E |
| And yet we all know much gold it will bring | E |
| Then if cutting down wood brings money good store | F |
| Our money to keep let us cut down one more | F |
| Now hear an old tale There anciently stood | B |
| I forget in what church an image of wood | B |
| Concerning this image there went a prediction | G |
| It would burn a whole forest nor was it a fiction | G |
| 'Twas cut into fagots and put to the flame | H |
| To burn an old friar one Forest by name | H |
| My tale is a wise one if well understood | B |
| Find you but the Friar and I'll find the Wood | B |
| I hear among scholars there is a great doubt | I |
| From what kind of tree this Wood was hewn out | I |
| Teague made a good pun by a brogue in his speech | J |
| And said By my shoul he's the son of a BEECH | J |
| Some call him a thorn the curse of the nation | G |
| As thorns were design'd to be from the creation | G |
| Some think him cut out from the poisonous yew | K |
| Beneath whose ill shade no plant ever grew | K |
| Some say he's a birch a thought very odd | L |
| For none but a dunce would come under his rod | L |
| But I'll tell the secret and pray do not blab | M |
| He is an old stump cut out of a crab | M |
| And England has put this crab to a hard use | N |
| To cudgel our bones and for drink give us ver juice | N |
| And therefore his witnesses justly may boast | O |
| That none are more properly knights of the post | O |
| But here Mr Wood complains that we mock | P |
| Though he may be a blockhead he's no real block | P |
| He can eat drink and sleep now and then for a friend | Q |
| He'll not be too proud an old kettle to mend | Q |
| He can lie like a courtier and think it no scorn | R |
| When gold's to be got to forswear and suborn | R |
| He can rap his own raps and has the true sapience | N |
| To turn a good penny to twenty bad halfpence | N |
| Then in spite of your sophistry honest Will Wood | B |
| Is a man of this world all true flesh and blood | S |
| So you are but in jest and you will not I hope | T |
| Unman the poor knave for the sake of a trope | T |
| 'Tis a metaphor known to every plain thinker | A |
| Just as when we say the devil's a tinker | A |
| Which cannot in literal sense be made good | B |
| Unless by the devil we mean Mr Wood | B |
| But some will object that the devil oft spoke | U |
| In heathenish times from the trunk of an oak | U |
| And since we must grant there never were known | R |
| More heathenish times than those of our own | R |
| Perhaps you will say 'tis the devil that puts | N |
| The words in Wood's mouth or speaks from his guts | N |
| And then your old arguments still will return | R |
| Howe'er let us try him and see how he'll burn | R |
| You'll pardon me sir your cunning I smoke | U |
| But Wood I assure you is no heart of oak | U |
| And instead of the devil this son of perdition | R |
| Hath join'd with himself two hags in commission | R |
| I ne'er could endure my talent to smother | A |
| I told you one tale and I'll tell you another | A |
| A joiner to fasten a saint in a niche | V |
| Bored a large auger hole in the image's breech | J |
| But finding the statue to make no complaint | W |
| He would ne'er be convinced it was a true saint | W |
| When the true Wood arrives as he soon will no doubt | I |
| For that's but a sham Wood they carry about | I |
| What stuff he is made of you quickly may find | X |
| If you make the same trial and bore him behind | X |
| I'll hold you a groat when you wimble his bum | Y |
| He'll bellow as loud as the de'il in a drum | Y |
| From me I declare you shall have no denial | D |
| And there can be no harm in making a trial | D |
| And when to the joy of your hearts he has roar'd | Z |
| You may show him about for a new groaning board | Z |
| Now ask me a question How came it to pass | N |
| Wood got so much copper He got it by brass | N |
| This brass was a dragon observe what I tell ye | A2 |
| This dragon had gotten two sows in his belly | A2 |
| I know you will say this is all heathen Greek | B2 |
| I own it and therefore I leave you to seek | B2 |
| I often have seen two plays very good | B |
| Call'd Love in a Tub and Love in a Wood | B |
| These comedies twain friend Wood will contrive | C2 |
| On the scene of this land very soon to revive | C2 |
| First Love in a Tub Squire Wood has in store | F |
| Strong tubs for his raps two thousand and more | F |
| These raps he will honestly dig out with shovels | N |
| And sell them for gold or he can't show his love else | N |
| Wood swears he will do it for Ireland's good | B |
| Then can you deny it is Love in a Wood | B |
| However if critics find fault with the phrase | N |
| I hope you will own it is Love in a Maze | N |
| For when to express a friend's love you are willing | E |
| We never say more than your love is a million | R |
| But with honest Wood's love there is no contending | E |
| 'Tis fifty round millions of love and a mending | E |
| Then in his first love why should he be crost | B |
| I hope he will find that no love is lost | B |
| Hear one story more and then I will stop | T |
| I dreamt Wood was told he should die by a drop | T |
| So methought he resolved no liquor to taste | B |
| For fear the first drop might as well be his last | B |
| But dreams are like oracles 'tis hard to explain 'em | Y |
| For it proved that he died of a drop at Kilmainham | Y |
| I waked with delight and not without hope | T |
| Very soon to see Wood drop down from a rope | T |
| How he and how we at each other should grin | R |
| 'Tis kindness to hold a friend up by the chin | R |
| But soft says the herald I cannot agree | A2 |
| For metal on metal is false heraldry | A2 |
| Why that may be true yet Wood upon Wood | B |
| I'll maintain with my life is heraldry good | B |
Jonathan Swift
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