A Serious Poem; Upon William Wood, Brazier, Tinker, Hard-wareman, Coiner, Founder, And Esquire Poem Rhyme Scheme

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When foes are o'ercome we preserve them from slaughter	A
To be hewers of wood and drawers of water	A
Now although to draw water is not very good	B
Yet we all should rejoice to be hewers of Wood	B
I own it has often provoked me to mutter	A
That a rogue so obscure should make such a clutter	A
But ancient philosophers wisely remark	C
That old rotten wood will shine in the dark	C
The Heathens we read had gods made of wood	B
Who could do them no harm if they did them no good	B
But this idol Wood may do us great evil	D
Their gods were of wood but our Wood is the devil	D
To cut down fine wood is a very bad thing	E
And yet we all know much gold it will bring	E
Then if cutting down wood brings money good store	F
Our money to keep let us cut down one more	F
Now hear an old tale There anciently stood	B
I forget in what church an image of wood	B
Concerning this image there went a prediction	G
It would burn a whole forest nor was it a fiction	G
'Twas cut into fagots and put to the flame	H
To burn an old friar one Forest by name	H
My tale is a wise one if well understood	B
Find you but the Friar and I'll find the Wood	B
I hear among scholars there is a great doubt	I
From what kind of tree this Wood was hewn out	I
Teague made a good pun by a brogue in his speech	J
And said By my shoul he's the son of a BEECH	J
Some call him a thorn the curse of the nation	G
As thorns were design'd to be from the creation	G
Some think him cut out from the poisonous yew	K
Beneath whose ill shade no plant ever grew	K
Some say he's a birch a thought very odd	L
For none but a dunce would come under his rod	L
But I'll tell the secret and pray do not blab	M
He is an old stump cut out of a crab	M
And England has put this crab to a hard use	N
To cudgel our bones and for drink give us ver juice	N
And therefore his witnesses justly may boast	O
That none are more properly knights of the post	O
But here Mr Wood complains that we mock	P
Though he may be a blockhead he's no real block	P
He can eat drink and sleep now and then for a friend	Q
He'll not be too proud an old kettle to mend	Q
He can lie like a courtier and think it no scorn	R
When gold's to be got to forswear and suborn	R
He can rap his own raps and has the true sapience	N
To turn a good penny to twenty bad halfpence	N
Then in spite of your sophistry honest Will Wood	B
Is a man of this world all true flesh and blood	S
So you are but in jest and you will not I hope	T
Unman the poor knave for the sake of a trope	T
'Tis a metaphor known to every plain thinker	A
Just as when we say the devil's a tinker	A
Which cannot in literal sense be made good	B
Unless by the devil we mean Mr Wood	B
But some will object that the devil oft spoke	U
In heathenish times from the trunk of an oak	U
And since we must grant there never were known	R
More heathenish times than those of our own	R
Perhaps you will say 'tis the devil that puts	N
The words in Wood's mouth or speaks from his guts	N
And then your old arguments still will return	R
Howe'er let us try him and see how he'll burn	R
You'll pardon me sir your cunning I smoke	U
But Wood I assure you is no heart of oak	U
And instead of the devil this son of perdition	R
Hath join'd with himself two hags in commission	R
I ne'er could endure my talent to smother	A
I told you one tale and I'll tell you another	A
A joiner to fasten a saint in a niche	V
Bored a large auger hole in the image's breech	J
But finding the statue to make no complaint	W
He would ne'er be convinced it was a true saint	W
When the true Wood arrives as he soon will no doubt	I
For that's but a sham Wood they carry about	I
What stuff he is made of you quickly may find	X
If you make the same trial and bore him behind	X
I'll hold you a groat when you wimble his bum	Y
He'll bellow as loud as the de'il in a drum	Y
From me I declare you shall have no denial	D
And there can be no harm in making a trial	D
And when to the joy of your hearts he has roar'd	Z
You may show him about for a new groaning board	Z
Now ask me a question How came it to pass	N
Wood got so much copper He got it by brass	N
This brass was a dragon observe what I tell ye	A2
This dragon had gotten two sows in his belly	A2
I know you will say this is all heathen Greek	B2
I own it and therefore I leave you to seek	B2
I often have seen two plays very good	B
Call'd Love in a Tub and Love in a Wood	B
These comedies twain friend Wood will contrive	C2
On the scene of this land very soon to revive	C2
First Love in a Tub Squire Wood has in store	F
Strong tubs for his raps two thousand and more	F
These raps he will honestly dig out with shovels	N
And sell them for gold or he can't show his love else	N
Wood swears he will do it for Ireland's good	B
Then can you deny it is Love in a Wood	B
However if critics find fault with the phrase	N
I hope you will own it is Love in a Maze	N
For when to express a friend's love you are willing	E
We never say more than your love is a million	R
But with honest Wood's love there is no contending	E
'Tis fifty round millions of love and a mending	E
Then in his first love why should he be crost	B
I hope he will find that no love is lost	B
Hear one story more and then I will stop	T
I dreamt Wood was told he should die by a drop	T
So methought he resolved no liquor to taste	B
For fear the first drop might as well be his last	B
But dreams are like oracles 'tis hard to explain 'em	Y
For it proved that he died of a drop at Kilmainham	Y
I waked with delight and not without hope	T
Very soon to see Wood drop down from a rope	T
How he and how we at each other should grin	R
'Tis kindness to hold a friend up by the chin	R
But soft says the herald I cannot agree	A2
For metal on metal is false heraldry	A2
Why that may be true yet Wood upon Wood	B
I'll maintain with my life is heraldry good	B

Jonathan Swift

A Serious Poem; Upon William Wood, Brazier, Tinker, Hard-wareman, Coiner, Founder, And Esquire Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

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