A Character, Panegyric, And Description Of The Legion Club Poem Rhyme Scheme

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Jonathan Swift

A Character, Panegyric, And Description Of The Legion Club Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

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The immediate provocation to this fierce satire upon the Irish Parliament was the introduction of a Bill to put an end to the tithe on pasturage called agistment and thus to free the landlords from a legal payment with severe loss to the Church	A
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As I stroll the city oft I	B
See a building large and lofty	C
Not a bow shot from the college	D
Half the globe from sense and knowledge	E
By the prudent architect	F
Placed against the church direct	F
Making good my grandam's jest	G
Near the church you know the rest	G
Tell us what the pile contains	H
Many a head that has no brains	H
These demoniacs let me dub	I
With the name of Legion Club	I
Such assemblies you might swear	J
Meet when butchers bait a bear	J
Such a noise and such haranguing	K
When a brother thief's a hanging	K
Such a rout and such a rabble	L
Run to hear Jackpudding gabble	L
Such a crowd their ordure throws	M
On a far less villain's nose	M
Could I from the building's top	N
Hear the rattling thunder drop	N
While the devil upon the roof	O
If the devil be thunder proof	O
Should with poker fiery red	P
Crack the stones and melt the lead	P
Drive them down on every skull	L
When the den of thieves is full	L
Quite destroy that harpies' nest	G
How might then our isle be blest	G
For divines allow that God	Q
Sometimes makes the devil his rod	Q
And the gospel will inform us	R
He can punish sins enormous	R
Yet should Swift endow the schools	S
For his lunatics and fools	S
With a rood or two of land	T
I allow the pile may stand	T
You perhaps will ask me Why so	U
But it is with this proviso	U
Since the house is like to last	V
Let the royal grant be pass'd	V
That the club have right to dwell	L
Each within his proper cell	L
With a passage left to creep in	W
And a hole above for peeping	K
Let them when they once get in	W
Sell the nation for a pin	W
While they sit a picking straws	X
Let them rave of making laws	X
While they never hold their tongue	Y
Let them dabble in their dung	Y
Let them form a grand committee	C
How to plague and starve the city	C
Let them stare and storm and frown	Z
When they see a clergy gown	Z
Let them ere they crack a louse	A2
Call for th'orders of the house	A2
Let them with their gosling quills	A2
Scribble senseless heads of bills	A2
We may while they strain their throats	A2
Wipe our a s with their votes	A2
Let Sir Tom that rampant ass	A2
Stuff his guts with flax and grass	A2
But before the priest he fleeces	A2
Tear the Bible all to pieces	A2
At the parsons Tom halloo boy	B2
Worthy offspring of a shoeboy	B2
Footman traitor vile seducer	C2
Perjured rebel bribed accuser	C2
Lay thy privilege aside	D2
From Papist sprung and regicide	D2
Fall a working like a mole	L
Raise the dirt about thy hole	L
Come assist me Muse obedient	D2
Let us try some new expedient	D2
Shift the scene for half an hour	C2
Time and place are in thy power	C2
Thither gentle Muse conduct me	C
I shall ask and you instruct me	C
See the Muse unbars the gate	D2
Hark the monkeys how they prate	D2
All ye gods who rule the soul	L
Styx through Hell whose waters roll	L
Let me be allow'd to tell	L
What I heard in yonder Hell	L
Near the door an entrance gapes	A2
Crowded round with antic shapes	A2
Poverty and Grief and Care	J
Causeless Joy and true Despair	J
Discord periwigg'd with snakes '	-
See the dreadful strides she takes	A2
By this odious crew beset	D2
I began to rage and fret	D2
And resolved to break their pates	A2
Ere we enter'd at the gates	A2
Had not Clio in the nick	E2
Whisper'd me Lay down your stick	E2
What said I is this a mad house	A2
These she answer'd are but shadows	A2
Phantoms bodiless and vain	F2
Empty visions of the brain	F2
In the porch Briareus stands	A2
Shows a bribe in all his hands	A2
Briareus the secretary	C
But we mortals call him Carey	C
When the rogues their country fleece	A2
They may hope for pence a piece	A2
Clio who had been so wise	A2
To put on a fool's disguise	A2
To bespeak some approbation	G2
And be thought a near relation	G2
When she saw three hundred brutes	A2
All involved in wild disputes	A2
Roaring till their lungs were spent	D2
PRIVILEGE OF PARLIAMENT	D2
Now a new misfortune feels	A2
Dreading to be laid by th' heels	A2
Never durst a Muse before	H2
Enter that infernal door	H2
Clio stifled with the smell	L
Into spleen and vapours fell	L
By the Stygian steams that flew	L
From the dire infectious crew	L
Not the stench of Lake Avernus	A2
Could have more offended her nose	A2
Had she flown but o'er the top	N
She had felt her pinions drop	N
And by exhalations dire	I2
Though a goddess must expire	I2
In a fright she crept away	J2
Bravely I resolved to stay	J2
When I saw the keeper frown	Z
Tipping him with half a crown	Z
Now said I we are alone	K2
Name your heroes one by one	G2
Who is that hell featured brawler	I2
Is it Satan No 'tis Waller	I2
In what figure can a bard dress	A2
Jack the grandson of Sir Hardress	A2
Honest keeper drive him further	I2
In his looks are Hell and murther	I2
See the scowling visage drop	N
Just as when he murder'd Throp	N
Keeper show me where to fix	A2
On the puppy pair of Dicks	A2
By their lantern jaws and leathern	G2
You might swear they both are brethren	G2
Dick Fitzbaker Dick the player	I2
Old acquaintance are you there	I2
Dear companions hug and kiss	A2
Toast Old Glorious in your piss	A2
Tie them keeper in a tether	I2
Let them starve and stink together	I2
Both are apt to be unruly	C
Lash them daily lash them duly	C
Though 'tis hopeless to reclaim them	L2
Scorpion's rods perhaps may tame them	L2
Keeper yon old dotard smoke	M2
Sweetly snoring in his cloak	M2
Who is he 'Tis humdrum Wynne	G2
Half encompass'd by his kin	G2
There observe the tribe of Bingham	N2
For he never fails to bring 'em	N2
And that base apostate Vesey	C
With Bishop's scraps grown fat and greasy	C
While Wynne sleeps the whole debate	D2
They submissive round him wait	D2
Yet would gladly see the hunks	A2
In his grave and search his trunks	A2
See they gently twitch his coat	D2
Just to yawn and give his vote	D2
Always firm in his vocation	G2
For the court against the nation	G2
Those are Allens Jack and Bob	B2
First in every wicked job	B2
Son and brother to a queer	I2
Brain sick brute they call a peer	I2
We must give them better quarter	I2
For their ancestor trod mortar	I2
And at Hoath to boast his fame	O2
On a chimney cut his name	O2
There sit Clements Dilks and Carter	I2
Who for Hell would die a martyr	I2
Such a triplet could you tell	L
Where to find on this side Hell	L
Gallows Carter Dilks and Clements	A2
Souse them in their own excrements	A2
Every mischief's in their hearts	A2
If they fail 'tis want of parts	A2
Bless us Morgan art thou there man	G2
Bless mine eyes art thou the chairman	G2
Chairman to yon damn'd committee	C
Yet I look on thee with pity	C
Dreadful sight what learned Morgan	G2
Metamorphosed to a Gorgon	G2
For thy horrid looks I own	G2
Half convert me to a stone	G2
Hast thou been so long at school	L
Now to turn a factious tool	L
Alma Mater was thy mother	I2
Every young divine thy brother	I2
Thou a disobedient varlet	C
Treat thy mother like a harlot	C
Thou ungrateful to thy teachers	A2
Who are all grown reverend preachers	A2
Morgan would it not surprise one	G2
To turn thy nourishment to poison	G2
When you walk among your books	A2
They reproach you with their looks	A2
Bind them fast or from their shelves	A2
They'll come down to right themselves	A2
Homer Plutarch Virgil Flaccus	A2
All in arms prepare to back us	A2
Soon repent or put to slaughter	I2
Every Greek and Roman author	I2
Will you in your faction's phrase	A2
Send the clergy all to graze	A2
And to make your project pass	A2
Leave them not a blade of grass	A2
How I want thee humorous Hogarth	P2
Thou I hear a pleasant rogue art	C
Were but you and I acquainted	C
Every monster should be painted	C
You should try your graving tools	A2
On this odious group of fools	A2
Draw the beasts as I describe them	L2
Form their features while I gibe them	L2
Draw them like for I assure you	L
You will need no car'catura	I2
Draw them so that we may trace	A2
All the soul in every face	A2
Keeper I must now retire	I2
You have done what I desire	I2
But I feel my spirits spent	C
With the noise the sight the scent	C
Pray be patient you shall find	C
Half the best are still behind	C
You have hardly seen a score	I2
I can show two hundred more	I2
Keeper I have seen enough	Q2
Taking then a pinch of snuff	Q2
I concluded looking round them	L2
May their god the devil confound them	L2