We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
Quote by Dave Barry
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Dave Barry Quotes
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
Well, there's a remedy for all things but death, which will be sure to lay us flat one time or other.
There is no correlation between a childhood success and a professional athlete.
If you want to make enemies, try to change something.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Sleep is the golden chain that ties health and our bodies together.
The 'kingdom of Heaven' is a condition of the heart - not something that comes 'upon the earth' or 'after death.'
There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love there's only scarcity of resolve to make it happen.
Sometimes you don't know who you can and cannot trust. I still learn that over and over again.
Faith activates God - Fear activates the Enemy.
Sometimes It doesn't matter what you want Tho, you have to keep quiet as the only best kind of solution