Have you ever
Just sat down one day and thought
About it all

Have you ever been so helpless
Restless and wounded
Drown in the menses of depression
Took a sip from the cup of emptiness
Drank a whole bottle of fear and unworthiness

Found comfort in the hands of darkness
While tears offered expressions
Have you ever felt the need to just scream

I DID

That day
They prayed for me, for us
They were placed in order and lit in different colors
The candles
He said speak, talk to your God and ancestors
Ask for whatever you want
Talk to them

All along I thought I was brave
But I was wrong
I did not cry
I screamed and the rain kept pouring
The fresh soil that was my cheeks burnt Red
My ears synced to one sharp sound
Like that of a machine when the heart finally gives up
It kept ringing in my ears blocking everything

My heart was in pain literally
I felt it
The sore was too deep and fresh
I kept screaming
For more than five minutes straight
I screamed until I could not anymore

Why did I do that
Why did I just break down like that
Why was my heart in so much agony
I had so many why's

I then realized
It goes deeper
There's more to it and I may not know it now
But I will someday.