The Scurril Press Poem Rhyme Scheme

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OM JONESMITH loquitur I've slept right through	A
The night a rather clever thing to do	A
How soundly women sleep looks at his wife	B
They're all alike The sweetest thing in life	B
Is woman when she lies with folded tongue	C
Its toil completed and its day song sung	C
Thump That's the morning paper What a bore	D
That it should be delivered at the door	D
There ought to be some expeditious way	E
To get it to one By this long delay	E
The fizz gets off the news a rap is heard	F
That's Jane the housemaid she's an early bird	F
She's brought it to the bedroom door good soul	G
Gets up and takes it in Upon the whole	G
The system's not so bad a one What's here	H
Gad if they've not got after listen dear	I
To sleeping wife young Gastrotheos Well	J
If Freedom shrieked when Kosciusko fell	J
She'll shriek again with laughter seeing how	K
They treated Gast with her Yet I'll allow	K
'T is right if he goes dining at The Pup	L
With Mrs Thing	M
	-
WIFE briskly waking up	L
With her The hussy Yes it serves him right	N
	-
JONESMITH continuing to 'seek the light'	N
What's this about old Impycu That's good	N
Grip that's the funny man says Impy should	N
Be used as a decoy in shooting tramps	O
I knew old Impy when he had the 'stamps'	O
To buy us all out and he wasn't then	P
So bad a chap to have about Grip's pen	P
Is just a tickler and the world no doubt	N
Is better with it than it was without	N
What thirteen ladies Jumping Jove we know	Q
Them nearly all who gamble at a low	Q
And very shocking game of cards called 'draw'	I
O cracky how they'll squirm ha ha haw haw	R
Let's see what else wife snores Well I'll be blest	N
A woman doesn't understand a jest	N
Hello What what the scurvy wretch proceeds	O
To take a fling at me condemn him reads	O
Tom Jonesmith my name's Thomas vulgar cad Of	S
the new Shavings Bank the man's gone mad	N
That's libelous I'll have him up for that Has	O
had his corns cut Devil take the rat	N
What business is 't of his I'd like to know	Q
He didn't have to cut them Gods what low	Q
And scurril things our papers have become	T
You skim their contents and you get but scum	T
Here Mary waking wife I've been attacked	N
In this vile sheet By Jove it is a fact	N
	-
WIFE reading it How wicked Who do you	A
Suppose 't was wrote it	N
	-
JONESMITH Who why who	A
But Grip the so called funny man he wrote	N
Me up because I'd not discount his note	N
Blushes like sunset at the hideous lie	U
He'll think of one that's better by and by	U
Throws down the paper on the floor and treads	O
A lively measure on it kicks the shreds	O
And patches all about the room and still	V
Performs his jig with unabated will	V
	-
WIFE warbling sweetly like an Elfland horn	W
Dear do be careful of that second corn	W
	-
STANLEY	X
Noting some great man's composition vile	Y
A head of wisdom and a heart of guile	Y
A will to conquer and a soul to dare	I
Joined to the manners of a dancing bear	I
Fools unaccustomed to the wide survey	E
Of various Nature's compensating sway	E
Untaught to separate the wheat and chaff	Z
To praise the one and at the other laugh	Z
Yearn all in vain and impotently seek	A2
Some flawless hero upon whom to wreak	A2
The sycophantic worship of the weak	A2
Not so the wise from superstition free	X
Who find small pleasure in the bended knee	X
Quick to discriminate 'twixt good and bad	N
And willing in the king to find the cad	N
No reason seen why genius and conceit	N
The power to dazzle and the will to cheat	N
The love of daring and the love of gin	B2
Should not dwell peaceful in a single skin	B2
To such great Stanley you're a hero still	V
Despite your cradling in a tub for swill	V
Your peasant manners can't efface the mark	C2
Of light you drew across the Land of Dark	C2
	-
In you the extremes of character are wed	N
To serve the quick and villify the dead	N
Hero and clown O man of many sides	O
The Muse of Truth adores you and derides	O
And sheds impartial the revealing ray	E
Upon your head of gold and feet of clay	E

Ambrose Bierce

The Scurril Press Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

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