The University Feud.[1] Poem Rhyme Scheme

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A plague o' both the houses MERCUTIO	A
	-
	-
	-
As latterly I chanced to pass	B
A Public House from which alas	B
The Arms of Oxford dangle	C
My ear was startled by a din	D
That made me tremble in my skin	D
A dreadful hubbub from within	D
Of voices in a wrangle	C
	-
Voices loud and voices high	E
With now and then a party cry	E
Such as used in times gone by	E
To scare the British border	F
When foes from North and South of Tweed	G
Neighbors and of Christian creed	G
Met in hate to fight and bleed	G
Upsetting Social Order	F
	-
Surprised I turn'd me to the crowd	H
Attracted by that tumult loud	H
And ask'd a gazer beetle brow'd	H
The cause of such disquiet	I
When lo the solemn looking man	J
First shook his head on Burleigh's plan	J
And then with fluent tongue began	J
His version of the riot	I
	-
A row why yes a pretty row you might hear from this to Garmany	K
And what is worse it's all got up among the Sons of Harmony	K
The more's the shame for them as used to be in time and tune	L
And all unite in chorus like the singing birds in June	L
Ah many a pleasant chant I've heard in passing here along	M
When Swiveller was President a knocking down a song	M
But Dick's resign'd the post you see and all them shouts and hollers	N
Is 'cause two other candidates some sort of larned scholars	N
Are squabbling to be Chairman of the Glorious Apollers	N
	-
Lord knows their names I'm sure I don't no more than any yokel	O
But I never heard of either as connected with the vocal	C
Nay some do say although of course the public rumor varies	N
They've no more warble in 'em than a pair of hen canaries	N
Though that might pass if they were dabs at t'other sort of thing	P
For a man may make a song you know although he cannot sing	P
But lork it's many folk's belief they're only good at prosing	P
For Catnach swears he never saw a verse of their composing	P
And when a piece of poetry has stood its public trials	N
If pop'lar it gets printed off at once in Seven Dials	N
And then about all sorts of streets by every little monkey	P
It's chanted like the Dog's Meat Man or If I had a Donkey	P
Whereas as Mr Catnach says and not a bad judge neither	F
No ballad worth a ha'penny has ever come from either	F
And him as writ Jim Crow he says and got such lots of dollars	N
Would make a better Chairman for the Glorious Apollers	N
Howsomever that's the meaning of the squabble that arouses	N
This neighborhood and quite disturbs all decent Heads of Houses	N
Who want to have their dinners and their parties as is reason	Q
In Christian peace and charity according to the season	Q
But from Number Thirty Nine since this electioneering job	R
Ay as far as Number Ninety there's an everlasting mob	R
Till the thing is quite a nuisance for no creature passes by	E
But he gets a card a pamphlet or a summut in his eye	E
And a pretty noise there is what with canvassers and spouters	N
For in course each side is furnish'd with its backers and its touters	N
And surely among the Clergy to such pitches it is carried	G
You can hardly find a Parson to get buried or get married	G
Or supposing any accident that suddenly alarms	N
If you're dying for a surgeon you must fetch him from the Arms	N
While the Schoolmasters and Tooters are neglecting of their scholars	N
To write about a Chairman for the Glorious Apollers	N
	-
Well that sir is the racket and the more the sin and shame	S
Of them that help to stir it up and propagate the same	S
Instead of vocal ditties and the social flowing cup	T
But they'll be the House's ruin or the shutting of it up	T
With their riots and their hubbubs like a garden full of bears	N
While they've damaged many articles and broken lots of squares	N
And kept their noble Club Room in a perfect dust and smother	F
By throwing Morning Heralds Times and Standards at each other	F
Not to name the ugly language Gemmen oughtn't to repeat	U
And the names they call each other for I've heard 'em in the street	U
Such as Traitors Guys and Judasses and Vipers and what not	V
For Pasley and his divers ain't so blowing up a lot	V
And then such awful swearing for there's one of them that cusses	N
Enough to shock the cads that hang on opposition 'busses	N
For he cusses every member that's agin him at the poll	W
As I wouldn't cuss a donkey tho' it hasn't got a soul	W
And he cusses all their families Jack Harry Bob or Jim	X
To the babby in the cradle if they don't agree with him	X
Whereby altho' as yet they have not took to use their fives	N
Or according as the fashion is to sticking with their knives	N
I'm bound they'll be some milling yet and shakings by the collars	N
Afore they choose a Chairman for the Glorious Apollers	N
	-
To be sure it is a pity to be blowing such a squall	Y
Instead of clouds and every man his song and then his call	Y
And as if there wasn't Whigs enough and Tories to fall out	Z
Besides polities in plenty for our splits to be about	Z
Why a cornfield is sufficient sir as anybody knows	N
For to furnish them in plenty who are fond of picking crows	N
Not to name the Maynooth Catholics and other Irish stews	N
To agitate society and loosen all its screws	N
And which all may be agreeable and proper to their spheres	N
But it's not the thing for musicals to set us by the ears	N
And as to College larning my opinion for to broach	A
And I've had it from my cousin and he driv a college coach	A
And so knows the University and all as there belongs	N
And he says that Oxford's famouser for sausages than songs	N
And seldom turns a poet out like Hudson that can chant	A2
As well as make such ditties as the Free and Easies want	B2
Or other Tavern Melodists I can't just call to mind	C2
But it's not the classic system for to propagate the kind	C2
Whereby it so may happen as that neither of them Scholars	N
May be the proper Chairman for the Glorious Apollers	N
	-
For my part in the matter if so be I had a voice	N
It's the best among the vocalists I'd honor with the choice	N
Or a Poet as could furnish a new Ballad to the bunch	A
Or at any rate the surest hand at mixing of the punch	A
'Cause why the members meet for that and other tuneful frolics	N
And not to say like Muffincaps their Catichiz and Collec's	N
But you see them there Itinerants that preach so long and loud	H
And always takes advantage like the prigs of any crowd	H
Have brought their jangling voices and as far as they can compass	N
Have turn'd a tavern shindy to a seriouser rumpus	N
And him as knows most hymns altho' I can't see how it follers	N
They want to be the Chairman of the Glorious Apollers	N
	-
Well that's the row and who can guess the upshot after all	Y
Whether Harmony will ever make the Arms her House of call	Y
Or whether this here mobbing as some longish heads foretell it	D2
Will grow to such a riot that the Oxford Blues must quell it	D2
Howsomever for the present there's no sign of any peace	N
For the hubbub keeps a growing and defies the New Police	N
But if I was in the Vestry and a leading sort of Man	J
Or a Member of the Vocals to get backers for my plan	J
Why I'd settle all the squabble in the twinkle of a needle	C
For I'd have another candidate and that's the Parish Beadle	C
Who makes such lots of Poetry himself or else by proxy	N
And no one never has no doubts about his orthodoxy	N
Whereby if folks was wise instead of either of them Scholars	N
And straining their own lungs along of contradictious hollers	N
They'll lend their ears to reason and take my advice as follers	N
Namely Bumble for the Chairman of the Glorious Apollers	N

Thomas Hood

The University Feud.[1] Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

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