A True Story Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis
Rhyme Scheme: ABABCDCDEFEF AGAGHHAAFIIF JJKKLMMLAAEKEK ANAOPAPAQQLRLRSSLAA LLAAKTKTUUAAVKVK KWWKAKAKKKBXXB LAALKKHHKAAKJAJA YYZAAZA2A2B2C2B2C2 BBD2E2E2D2D2AAD2 AAAAAALALBBAKKAA TFTFFKKF2F2FKFKKKFD2 D2D2 D2D2AD2AKKAD2D2AD2D2 IF2F2IKKF2F2LKLKG2G2 H2G2H2 C2ZZC2KKKKAAAAAA AAJJD2D2LC2C2LD2D2F2 AF2AAAAAKAA| Of all our pains since man was curst | A |
| I mean of body not the mental | B |
| To name the worst among the worst | A |
| The dental sure is transcendental | B |
| Some bit of masticating bone | C |
| That ought to help to clear a shelf | D |
| But lets its proper work alone | C |
| And only seems to gnaw itself | D |
| In fact of any grave attack | E |
| On victual there is little danger | F |
| 'Tis so like coming to the rack | E |
| As well as going to the manger | F |
| - | |
| Old Hunks it seemed a fit retort | A |
| Of justice on his grinding ways | G |
| Possessed a grinder of the sort | A |
| That troubled all his latter days | G |
| The best of friends fall out and so | H |
| His teeth had done some years ago | H |
| Save some old stumps with ragged root | A |
| And they took turn about to shoot | A |
| If he drank any chilly liquor | F |
| They made it quite a point to throb | I |
| But if he warmed it on the hob | I |
| Why then they only twitched the quicker | F |
| - | |
| One tooth I wonder such a tooth | J |
| Had never killed him in his youth | J |
| One tooth he had with many fangs | K |
| That shot at once as many pangs | K |
| It had a universal sting | L |
| One touch of that ecstatic stump | M |
| Could jerk his limbs and make him jump | M |
| Just like a puppet on a string | L |
| And what was worse than all it had | A |
| A way of making others bad | A |
| There is as many know a knack | E |
| With certain farming undertakers | K |
| And this same tooth pursued their track | E |
| By adding achers still to achers | K |
| - | |
| One way there is that has been judged | A |
| A certain cure but Hunks was loth | N |
| To pay the fee and quite begrudged | A |
| To lose his tooth and money both | O |
| In fact a dentist and the wheel | P |
| Of Fortune are a kindred cast | A |
| For after all is drawn you feel | P |
| It's paying for a blank at last | A |
| So Hunks went on from week to week | Q |
| And kept his torment in his cheek | Q |
| Oh how it sometimes set him rocking | L |
| With that perpetual gnaw gnaw gnaw | R |
| His moans and groans were truly shocking | L |
| And loud altho' he held his jaw | R |
| Many a tug he gave his gum | S |
| And tooth but still it would not come | S |
| Tho' tied to string by some firm thing | L |
| He could not draw it do his best | A |
| By draw'rs altho' he tried a chest | A |
| - | |
| At last but after much debating | L |
| He joined a score of mouths in waiting | L |
| Like his to have their troubles out | A |
| Sad sight it was to look about | A |
| At twenty faces making faces | K |
| With many a rampant trick and antic | T |
| For all were very horrid cases | K |
| And made their owners nearly frantic | T |
| A little wicket now and then | U |
| Took one of these unhappy men | U |
| And out again the victim rushed | A |
| While eyes and mouth together gushed | A |
| At last arrived our hero's turn | V |
| Who plunged his hands in both his pockets | K |
| And down he sat prepared to learn | V |
| How teeth are charmed to quit their sockets | K |
| - | |
| Those who have felt such operations | K |
| Alone can guess the sort of ache | W |
| When his old tooth began to break | W |
| The thread of old associations | K |
| It touched a string in every part | A |
| It had so many tender ties | K |
| One cord seemed wrenching at his heart | A |
| And two were tugging at his eyes | K |
| Bone of his bone he felt of course | K |
| As husbands do in such divorce | K |
| At last the fangs gave way a little | B |
| Hunks gave his head a backward jerk | X |
| And lo the cause of all this work | X |
| Went where it used to send his victual | B |
| - | |
| The monstrous pain of this proceeding | L |
| Had not so numbed his miser wit | A |
| But in this slip he saw a hit | A |
| To save at least his purse from bleeding | L |
| So when the dentist sought his fees | K |
| Quoth Hunks Let's finish if you please | K |
| How finish why it's out Oh no | H |
| 'Tis you are out to argue so | H |
| I'm none of your before hand tippers | K |
| My tooth is in my head no doubt | A |
| But as you say you pulled it out | A |
| Of course it's there between your nippers | K |
| Zounds sir d'ye think I'd sell the truth | J |
| To get a fee no wretch I scorn it | A |
| But Hunks still asked to see the tooth | J |
| And swore by gum he had not drawn it | A |
| - | |
| His end obtained he took his leave | Y |
| A secret chuckle in his sleeve | Y |
| The joke was worthy to produce one | Z |
| To think by favor of his wit | A |
| How well a dentist had been bit | A |
| By one old stump and that a loose one | Z |
| The thing was worth a laugh but mirth | A2 |
| Is still the frailest thing on earth | A2 |
| Alas how often when a joke | B2 |
| Seems in our sleeve and safe enough | C2 |
| There comes some unexpected stroke | B2 |
| And hangs a weeper on the cuff | C2 |
| - | |
| Hunks had not whistled half a mile | B |
| When planted right against a stile | B |
| There stood his foeman Mike Mahoney | D2 |
| A vagrant reaper Irish born | E2 |
| That helped to reap our miser's corn | E2 |
| But had not helped to reap his money | D2 |
| A fact that Hunks remembered quickly | D2 |
| His whistle all at once was quelled | A |
| And when he saw how Michael held | A |
| His sickle he felt rather sickly | D2 |
| - | |
| Nine souls in ten with half his fright | A |
| Would soon have paid the bill at sight | A |
| But misers let observers watch it | A |
| Will never part with their delight | A |
| Till well demanded by a hatchet | A |
| They live hard and they die to match it | A |
| Thus Hunks prepared for Mike's attacking | L |
| Resolved not yet to pay the debt | A |
| But let him take it out in hacking | L |
| However Mike began to stickle | B |
| In words before he used the sickle | B |
| But mercy was not long attendant | A |
| From words at last he took to blows | K |
| And aimed a cut at Hunks's nose | K |
| That made it what some folks are not | A |
| A member very independent | A |
| - | |
| Heaven knows how far this cruel trick | T |
| Might still have led but for a tramper | F |
| That came in danger's very nick | T |
| To put Mahoney to the scamper | F |
| But still compassion met a damper | F |
| There lay the severed nose alas | K |
| Beside the daisies on the grass | K |
| Wee crimson tipt as well as they | F2 |
| According to the poet's lay | F2 |
| And there stood Hunks no sight for laughter | F |
| Away went Hodge to get assistance | K |
| With nose in hand which Hunks ran after | F |
| But somewhat at unusual distance | K |
| In many a little country place | K |
| It is a very common case | K |
| To have but one residing doctor | F |
| Whose practice rather seems to be | D2 |
| No practice but a rule of three | D2 |
| Physician surgeon drug decoctor | D2 |
| - | |
| Thus Hunks was forced to go once more | D2 |
| Where he had ta'en his to t' before | D2 |
| His mere name made the learned man hot | A |
| What Hunks again within my door | D2 |
| I'll pull his nose quoth Hunks You cannot | A |
| The doctor looked and saw the case | K |
| Plain as the nose not on his face | K |
| Oh hum ha yes I understand | A |
| But then arose a long demur | D2 |
| For not a finger would he stir | D2 |
| Till he was paid his fee in hand | A |
| That matter settled there they were | D2 |
| With Hunks well strapped upon his chair | D2 |
| - | |
| The opening of a surgeon's job | I |
| His tools a chestful or a drawerful | F2 |
| Are always something very awful | F2 |
| And give the heart the strangest throb | I |
| But never patient in his funks | K |
| Looked half so like a ghost as Hunks | K |
| Or surgeon half so like a devil | F2 |
| Prepared for some infernal revel | F2 |
| His huge black eye kept rolling rolling | L |
| Just like a bolus in a box | K |
| His fury seemed above controlling | L |
| He bellowed like a hunted ox | K |
| Now swindling wretch I'll show thee how | G2 |
| We treat such cheating knaves as thou | G2 |
| Oh sweet is this revenge to sup | H2 |
| I have thee by the nose it's now | G2 |
| My turn and I will turn it up | H2 |
| - | |
| Guess how the miser liked the scurvy | C2 |
| And cruel way of venting passion | Z |
| The snubbing folks in this new fashion | Z |
| Seemed quite to turn him topsy turvy | C2 |
| He uttered prayers and groans and curses | K |
| For things had often gone amiss | K |
| And wrong with him before but this | K |
| Would be the worst of all reverses | K |
| In fancy he beheld his snout | A |
| Turned upwards like a pitcher's spout | A |
| There was another grievance yet | A |
| And fancy did not fail to show it | A |
| That he must throw a summerset | A |
| Or stand upon his head to blow it | A |
| - | |
| And was there then no argument | A |
| To change the doctor's vile intent | A |
| And move his pity yes in truth | J |
| And that was paying for the tooth | J |
| Zounds pay for such a stump I'd rather | D2 |
| But here the menace went no farther | D2 |
| For with his other ways of pinching | L |
| Hunks had a miser's love of snuff | C2 |
| A recollection strong enough | C2 |
| To cause a very serious flinching | L |
| In short he paid and had the feature | D2 |
| Replaced as it was meant by nature | D2 |
| For tho' by this 'twas cold to handle | F2 |
| No corpse's could have felt so horrid | A |
| And white just like an naked candle | F2 |
| The doctor deemed and proved it too | A |
| That noses from the nose will do | A |
| As well as noses from the forehead | A |
| So fixed by din of rag and lint | A |
| The part was bandaged up and muffled | A |
| The chair unfastened Hunks rose | K |
| And shuffled off for once unshuffled | A |
| And as he went these words he snuffled | A |
| Well this is 'paying thro' the nose ' | - |
Thomas Hood
(1)
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