Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Quote by Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner Quotes
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
Who ever loved that loved not at first sight
Poetry, almost by definition, calls attention to its language and form.
The saddest thing I can imagine is to get used to luxury.
I was ecstatic they re-named 'French Fries' as 'Freedom Fries'. Grown men and women in positions of power in the U.S. government showing themselves as idiots.
Whether you like it or not, you're forced to come to the realisation that death is out there. But I don't fear death, I'm a fatalist. I believe when it's your time, that's it. It's the hand you're dealt.
I have a lovely family who supports me and it's great.
Let us beware of saying that death is the opposite of life. The living being is only a species of the dead, and a very rare species.
I wear black skinny-fit jeans - I can't get away from them. It's funny because I wore baggy jeans for ages, then one day my friend convinced me to try on a skinny pair and I thought they were great.
Unwearied ceaseless effort is the price that must be paid for turning faith into a rich infallible experience.
There are three constants in life... change, choice and principles.