They say pain is a fundamental feeling that people try to avoid.
Well that is consistent with reality
In the objective case of I
I have tried to avoid pain to the point that I became completely skilled in avoiding pain
At first it was precisely trying to avoid pain until it became knowing how to avoid pain

I locked away every feeling that had casual connection with pain
I showed great unwillingness towards being entirely dominated to pain
I was without premonition but I knew one way or another all the pain will come back to me

Pain did come back but not as pain
But as something I even cannot explain
And now it was something I no longer had control over
It came as a emotion where I knew I was hurt and breaking apart but never knew what was actually causing the emotional anguish

I became a real slave of pain
And this time there was no inclination to retreat from this unpleasant reality
I learned to have a protective acceptance of pain
Pain come and go but I am undergoing a natural process where the soul is repairing itself

Embrace pain
Do not run away from pain
Embrace it till you feel it no more