It Was Never Mine To Begin With Poem Rhyme Scheme and Analysis

Rhyme Scheme: AB CDEF GHID J CCKLHM H HNM AOCPQ RC CRC SKTS CP PCI HU HCCV AW E WNCX YNJ HCZH A2H HB2W C2V CL H D2E2AC2 DH HCCC EF2 JJ G2C HH2RI2C B C2JJ2 HK2R LA2J AI CWJ HL2J2 CH M2J CYJ2 K2JH HHN2O2 CP2Q2 R ICV H JLR2O2PO2S2 HWH CX O2H O2 O2HO2CO2 CT2 U2O2 C2V O2 A2PR HW A2 O2HC O2W O2O2V2 HO2

I knowA
I m very childishB
-
It took me a while to realiseC
that I live too much inside my own headD
and because of thatE
I ve missed so much of the real worldF
-
Now I truly understandG
how self centred I can beH
To the point where no one can really hurt me anymoreI
so I guess I learned to hurt myself insteadD
-
Maybe I m wrong this time tooJ
-
Looking back at all the argumentsC
the misunderstandingsC
the nights we fought each other instead of the problemK
I realise nowL
how easy it is to make mistakes unknowinglyH
when you believe everything you do is rightM
-
And that was meH
-
Who could ever argue with meH
After allN
I was always rightM
-
I know you knowA
I ve carried a lot of painO
And yes everyone suffersC
but pain feels different when it is the only thingP
you ve known for so longQ
-
Maybe that s why I convinced myselfR
I was heartlessC
-
But the truth isC
I have only ever experienced life as myselfR
I have never lived inside anyone else s woundsC
-
You must have wonderedS
Why must she always be the victimK
Why can t she forgiveT
Why does pain always have the final wordS
-
The truth isC
I was hurtingP
-
At first I gave you everythingP
I told you thingsC
I had never said out loud beforeI
-
But you knew meH
You knew my prideU
-
And sometimes when you tried to comfort meH
I could see how badly you wanted to fix thingsC
yet some woundsC
cannot be loved awayV
-
So noA
you were never a failureW
-
I could never let you believe thatE
-
I still rememberW
how your face would fallN
every time tears escaped my eyesC
after we made loveX
-
I could never fully control themY
After allN
I was human tooJ
-
And I remember how gentlyH
you would pull me closer afterwardsC
holding me as though love aloneZ
could quiet the storm inside meH
-
Those moments were supposed to feel beautifulA2
And maybe part of me wanted them to beH
-
You never forced meH
You always askedB2
You always waited for my answerW
-
I was the oneC2
who kept pretending I was okayV
-
And speaking about this still hurtsC
but I need to let it leave my body somehowL
-
I want to move on honestlyH
-
When we broke upD2
it looked like your faultE2
But now I knowA
I was already searching for reasons to runC2
-
Maybe you were right when you saidD
only we could make each other happyH
-
I know I rarely spoke plainlyH
I hid myself behind metaphorsC
imaginary situationsC
unfinished sentencesC
-
And I kept doing thatE
until the very endF2
-
After I left youJ
I tried to escape you tooJ
-
You know how I amG2
I always find ways to outrun my own thoughtsC
-
So I kept myself busyH
I laughedH2
I distracted myselfR
I pretended I was moving onI2
faster than my heart really wasC
-
And maybe that was selfishB
-
I found someoneC2
who reminded me of youJ
or maybe I only wanted to believe he didJ2
-
I thought he understood meH
forgetting that even IK2
did not understand myselfR
-
Looking back nowL
it feels cruelA2
especially because he once knew you tooJ
-
I don t even knowA
what I was searching forI
-
And the worst part isC
I realised laterW
that even he carried resentment toward youJ
-
LuckilyH
I never went too deepL2
Although I almost didJ2
-
And when you saw me with those other guysC
the guilt nearly consumed meH
-
I don t know why I still feel the needM2
to explain myself to youJ
-
They were asking me out yesC
but none of themY
ever made me feel as safe as you didJ2
-
And maybe that s whyK2
I m always searching for chances to run into youJ
even though seeing you terrifies meH
-
Because whenever you walk past meH
a current rushes through my entire bodyH
so sudden and violentN2
that I feel like I might collapse beneath itO2
-
Maybe they call it butterfliesC
Maybe it s fearP2
Maybe it s bothQ2
-
I m still trying to figure that out myselfR
-
I ve told you many things beforeI
but never the thingsC
I truly wanted to sayV
-
So listen carefullyH
-
I will always love youJ
But I also know the truth nowL
I will never changeR2
I will forever remain avoidantO2
forever runningP
forever too much of a cowardO2
to stay when love asks me to be fully seenS2
-
Yes you tried to protect meH
You were ready for foreverW
Ready for all of meH
-
But the truth isC
I was never ready for that kind of loveX
-
And I wish I had realised itO2
before you fell too deeply into meH
-
Everything happened too fastO2
-
I never healedO2
Not reallyH
After that incidentO2
I gave up on life in waysC
I never admitted out loudO2
-
I chose the shadowsC
and slowly turned them into a homeT2
-
And for a long timeU2
you became my home tooO2
-
Not a perfect oneC2
but a place I kept returning to anywayV
-
Maybe part of me still wants toO2
-
But I ve realised something painfulA2
I painted you with my sufferingP
until even you began forgetting yourselfR
-
And your life without meH
looked lighterW
-
PeacefulA2
-
I couldn t give youO2
the one thing you truly wanted from meH
peaceC
-
So I knewO2
I could never become your foreverW
-
And because I loved youO2
I could not keep you trappedO2
inside the ruins of my unhealed lifeV2
-
EventuallyH
it would have destroyed you tooO2

N. Khanyile
(C) All Rights Reserved. Poem Submitted on 06/19/2026

Poet's note: The poet wrote this poem reminiscing about her past lover, who loved her a lot, was willing to give up everything for her but she knew that doing that would've destroyed him as well as she was broken. She left him when she didn't want to, but she chose to let go anyway because she realised that sometimes the best thing you can do for someone you love is letting them go and believed that if it was meant to be destiny would bring them together again in the future when the time is right and they are both healed.




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It Was Never Mine To Begin With is a poem by N. Khanyile. This page includes the poem text, poet information, related topics, comments, and similar poems.



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